DeadEyeDog

Mum: You said some very nasty things to me this morning, when I woke you up. Me: You put a power...

Mom's Friend: Ron Howard's kids' middle names are the placed where they were conceived. Mom: Di...

Me: What's for dinner? Mom: BBQ chicken breasts. Dad: CHICKEN TITS‽

(Me and my Mum walked into Kmart behind a gay couple holding hands.) Mum: Oh my God! Look at th...

(Mom upon opening her package of syringes she ordered for nursing purposes) Mom: Sweet, they got...

(Dad hits rumble strips while driving.) Me: What are those for? dad: That's how blind people dr...

Dad: I did alot of crazy things when I was a kid. Me: Like what? Dad: Well once I did a whole b...

The correct wording is "I like short women," not "I like little girls." #LFMF

Don't ever do drugs. The little person you see on your way home while on LSD is NOT a leprechaun....

Never attempt to amuse yourself by flicking a sleeping cat's ear until it swipes at you. You may ...