Swarthygarfield

When sending an email to your geology professor, remember "libido" is the sex drive. "Albedo" is ...

If you own a cat who likes to eat the heads off of mice and then let them lie on the ground as a ...

That's not your chapstick. It's your gluestick. It's disgusting. Look first next time. #LFMF

When you're walking backwards and you hear your friend's dad says "boink", don't keep walking. Yo...

Never ironically shout out "WHERES THE DRUGS ALREADY!" When you are on a crowded train station. P...

Never shave your genitals with a dull razor, even if it is your last one. #LFMF

Never eat a whole bag of prunes. #LFMF

When frying potatoes in a skillet with oil, ALWAYS remember to wear pants. #LFMF

Never listen to the Dubstep Nyan Cat. You will be addicted, and where are my pants? #LFMF

Good Idea: Study to become an accountant. Bad Idea: Play too much Team Fortress 2 as a spy. Bad...

When working at the office, remember that Bill is short for William. When a very important client...

If you're horseback riding and in the process of falling off of the horse while it is running, do...

Never put perfume on before going to a Garden Center. #LFMF

Good Idea: Getting that breast reduction you really needed. Better idea: Resting and taking your...

When heating up a cookie in the microwave, always be prepared to duck instantly, because you neve...

When donning a face mask to block out bad smells, it's a good idea to brush your teeth first. #LFMF

Between finalizing a divorce with your cheating wife, NEVER check to see why the recycling bin is...

Never work with your family. It´ll end in blood and tears, literally. #LFMF