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(Mom parallel parks on a street) Mom: Am I close enough to the curb? Me: (looks down out open...

(We're watching something about a man who was murdered) Mum: "May I turn off the tv?" Grandmoth...

After getting back from Dr's office, the day before my dad's birthday: Me: It's official. I ha...

(When discussing what I should bring on my trip to the city) Dad: "Make sure you bring a photo I...

Me (to my mom and dad in the car): when I get married... Dad: ok time to face it. You're never g...

Mum: Shh... Can you here those voices Me: *silent for a moment* Nooo.... Mum: Shhh! I'm listeni...

(Talking about a dog that had 13 puppies.) Mom: "Can you imagine having 13 babies on your nipple...

(to the waiter serving us at a diner) Dad: you wanna buy my daughter, i'll sell her to you for f...

Mom: I learned how to swim when someone took me out in the lake and threw me off the boat. Me: M...

8 year old brother: dad lets take over the world. Dad: i don't have any money right now

(when we're deciding what to name our very first two chickens.) Dad:Ok, that ones Lunch and that...

Mom: *reading paper and laughing* Me: What's so funny? Mom: I'm reading the obituaries

Me: I can't eat cheese cause I'm lactose intolerant, I've told you hundred times! Grandma: Well ...

Dad: "Mind that remote. It's slippery as prison soap."

Dad (completely at random): If any of you turn gay I still want grandkids.

(after buying a semi-pricey dress) Mom: If I ever see that dress on the floor, you had better be...

(Grandmother talking me through cooking Thanksgiving Turkey) Grandmother: Okay, peel the onion a...

Me: Can I get you something to drink? Mom: A mocha vodka Valium latte. With foam.

Try to remember when you hang your wetsuit up in the shower to dry. It's embaressing when you fr...

Me: Dad, how come you never gave me "the talk"? Dad: We'll talk when you're old enough! Me: Dad...