lennel

(After previously getting into an argument with my mom, I step out of our car and see a bus pass ...

Mom: Do drugs, get pregnant, become a crack whore, ANYTHING! Just DON'T drop the cheesecake!

Grandma: So, have you been kissing any boys lately? Me: *nods* Grandma: Have you been swapping ...

My mother: If you do that again, I'm going to sacrifice you on an altar.

Mum: I like the colour of your eyeshadow today. Me: I'm not wearing any eyeshadow... Mum: I lik...

My mum finishing the story of my birth. Mum:..and my vagina has never been the same.

(While watching the movie Donnie Darko) Mom: Hey, isn't he from Broke Back Mountain? Me: Yeah h...

Dad: "When a boy asks how you like your eggs in the morning...say "Unfertilized""

son: I wonder what breast milk tastes like. Mom: I don't know, ask your Dad. Son: MOOOOOM !! W...

(After receiving a frantic voice mail on my phone) Me:Whats wrong? Mom:YOUR BROTHER HAS A GIRLF...

Mom: One day you'll have kids and they will be your karma for being so rebellious. Me: Then I wo...

Dad: If you come back from the movies and you and your girlfriend remember the end of that movie,...

Dad: Have a good time,and remember never get into a car with strangers unless they offer you cand...

Grandma: Well I'm not surprised people from small towns get pregnant, there's not much to do now ...

(After the buzzer went off on the oven) Mom: Never mind! I forgot to put the food in!

Me: Mom! What're you doing with my phone!? Mom: Deleting all the dirty joke texts from your frie...

Mom: (yelling at jack) why can't you act like a normal human being? Me: He's a dog.

my sister: When the sun hits Titan's atmosphere, it creates organic compounds! Dad: Shut up, ner...