Drinking games, also known as "Booze Sports" are fast becoming a summer tradition. And, since all the other sports seem to have fantasy teams, I figured why not make my ULTIMATE FANTASY DRINKING TEAM! So, fellow drunks, here it is. Now, who made your lineup?
Charlie Day From It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Two words: WILD CARD. Every good team needs one, and you can be sure that this fiery little drunk will bring some serious unpredictability to the games. On top of that he's the guy you turn to if someone roofies a drink, because we all know Charlie can handle his sedatives.
His drink specialty: Beer
Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous
This fancy lady would be my team's "ringer" I'd bring her off the sidelines (where she'd obviously been drinking) to clean up a bottle or six. Doesn't matter whether it's wine, whiskey or vodka, Pats has got two hollow legs.
Her drink specialty: Wine
Henry Chinaski from Factotum
Ol' Chinaski is straight out of the pages of Bukowski, so you know he's a professional drunk. And, the one thing I know about Henry is that he'll sit there and quietly get the job done, drink after drink, strange rambling thought after strange rambling thought. Plus he's a pretty good gambler, so he could probably make the team some extra money on the side.
His drink specialty: Whatever's around
Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development
Lucille knows that vodka goes bad after a few days, so you better drink it quick. And, if the competition gets a little uppity Lucille is more than happy to put them in their place with her booze sharpened wit. Combine that with the fact she hasn't been sober more than a couple of days in the past 30 years, and I'd say she'd make a hell of a player on TEAM DRUNKIE!
Her drink specialty: Vodka