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Text-Heavy Tumblr Tidbits To Exercise Your Reading Abilities

Do you like to read? Well this is the Tumblr dump for you. The often-funny and generally weird posts are just what you need to exercise those reading muscles before attempting any resolutions involving books or book clubs. And you don't even have to crack open a tome! 

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  • 1
    Face - kelgrid I'm at my dog sitting job in a pretty old countryside farm and the lady who does the cleaning up here told me this morning that there are old tunnels (now closed up) running from the house to the church (1km) and I did not want to know that kelgrid Imagine what could come from there? Ghouls, ghosts, vampires? kelgrid Possibly even Christians which is totally the last things we need in this house.
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  • 2
    Text - o just-shower-thoughts Saying "Fuck it" actually motivates me more than "You can do this". addignisherlock Because saying "fuck it" includes the total acceptance of failure as the outcome, meanwhile "you can do this" focuses only on the hopes of a successful outcome and the lack of acknowledgement of the equally probable failure outcome induces a certain level of unspoken anxiety thequantumqueer "...the Way of the Warrior is resolute acceptance of death." -Miyamoto Musashi, "The Book of F
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  • 3
    Text - tbh bae idgaf kathrynroseksk dead cristinterrill I mean, yes, this is funny, but mostly l'm just struck by how AMAZING language and its capacity for evolution and elasticity is. This would be incomprehensible to an English-speaker living in any other time. negritaaa it honestly looks like a different language back-that-sass-up Whoa
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  • 4
    Yellow - perfectly-imperfect-cats S patricott Follow rosescentimental sorry but if your bed isn't against at least one wall you're not valid heartsdesire456 I used to think this post was stupid because most people like both sides of the bed free but then I realized some psychopaths put their bed like this so not even the headboard is against a wall and this post is about these animals. ranger-truth A single person's bed is generally against 2 walls, a couple's bed is generally against 1 wall, an
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  • 5
    Text - katevictoriax Boys need to be cuddled more. Put his head in your lap or on your chest. Stroke his hair, scratch his back lightly with your nails, rub his shoulders, kiss him on the top of his head. Anytime, not just when he's feeling down or trying to fall asleep. pinjauski When I did this to my boyfriend for the first time he almost started crying because no one had ever done something similar to him before. And I think that is awfully sad.
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  • 6
    Text - Doctor: $140,000 a year Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year i think you're lowballing the furry art amount tbh I'm sorry for the inaccuracies, Doctor Yiff no matter how I respond to this I don't look good, well played. i walked right into that Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that. Did you just legitimately tell me that competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in a university to give you your lung transplant? person
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  • 7
    Text - moniquill Keep Calm and Carrion @JackOfQuills how did "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" become the typical sentence that contains all letters of the alphabet and not "sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow" which is objectively a million times cooler 4/11/18, 11:41 PM jpechacek SPHINX +F BACK PUARTZ, Jusgf my voi Nobody called me but I showed up anyway.
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  • 8
    Text - SPLOOCH taxz for a daily-garfield strip, i removed a speech bubble and gave jon the ctrl alt del face and realized i had no other plans from there so. this just exists
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  • 9
    Organism - Well, we did it. We found a Great Old One. Pineato · 902 pts · Vor 13 Stunden · dndmemes indigo-volvoxx "Murby", a moss-covered Furby found on an old farm's property during cleanup.
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  • 10
    Font - brightfalls when u log on only to drop 1 message into the group chat and then leave immediately SAD GHOST HOOTS AND THEN SCOOTS
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  • 11
    Text - reillymouse fun funeral facts • embalming, the process of chemically preserving a corpse, is typically not required by law, unless you need to transport the body long-distance or postpone the burial, it's 100% a vanity thing. a body still rots in air-tight conditions. so "protective" or "sealed" caskets are basically a scam, and anything fancy like metal is a waste of money. • want a beautiful casket for a viewing, but think burning or burying an expensive piece of hardwood is a waste of
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  • 12
    Water - jdjdgray It's good to bring older dogs to water so they can relax their arthritic joints and get a little exercise. Beautiful dog, smooth dog. strigays thats a fucking goat <> 231,737 notes
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  • 13
    Grass - psyducked playtime's over imsopopfly No It has only just begun Coward
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  • 14
    Text - A ushas42 I had a dream last night that they made a new Bond movie, but they didn't say who was playing Bond. Throughout the movie you have no idea which character is really Bond, because he's undercover, duh. And every single character, no matter how minor, was played by somebody famous, so they could all conceivably be Bond. And at the end it turns out Bond was Leslie Jones. knitmeapony 10/10, greatest spy movie of all time scientia-rex TAKE MY MONEY
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  • 15
    People - The Fellowship at 100% strength The Fellowship at 99% strength For Sam
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    Text - shittycryptids A duck with four legs and no wings i-forgot-to-water-my-plants please @wishem wishem * DUCK NOISE wishon He's looking for his wings Who took his wings
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  • 17
    Text - Imagine a fae who is just so mad about the idea of lying, like, I have spent a thousand years studying the subtle arts of deceit, weaving my spells of glamour and misdirection, and you, human, can just stand there and say things that aren't true harshwhimsies "So yeah, I'm, uh, bright purple." "But you're not! That's not even plausible! How can you just - you are not even puce. Fine. Fine. Another one." "Are you sure? You seem pretty mad." "I assure you I am wholly and terribly sane." "He
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  • 18
    Text - kyraneko Fae and humans each viewing the other as Deeply Untrustworthy, the humans because the fae are so subtly deceptive and twisty and practiced at shaping things that are both true and impossible to figure out, and the fae because humans can and do just ... lie, and each of them believing their own particular brand of deceit to be perfectly justified in the face of the other's terrifyingly alien talents. Fae tricking humans specifically because they can lie and are thus the equivalent
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  • 19
    Text - kaijuno Also being a scientist pretty much gives you a free pass to be as eccentric as you want like you'll be at a conference and it's like is that guy wearing socks and sandals and plaid pants??? "Ya but he was on the team that discovered gravitational waves let him be" inthisquarter I once saw a highly-respected mineralogist take a slice of watermelon, put it between the two halves of a bagel, and eat it like a sandwich. deathtokillian Are scientists okay? kaijuno No they're scientists
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  • 20
    Text - sufficientlylargen My understanding of D&D is that the GM has the power to make the next quest a heist, but the players control whether the background music for this heist will be the Pink Panther theme, the Mission Impossible theme, or the Benny Hill theme. athenasdragon #it is also my understanding that the players do not have *conscious* control of this #and that they will also end up choosing the Benny Hill theme no matter what they do #D&D That's it, that's the game! Source: sufficie
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  • 21
    Text - fullmemetalalchemist why was edward elric named the fullmetal alchemist, why not the punching alchemist, because by god did he punch some shit edward elric, the dude who punched the gate of truth open just so he could yell a little longer at his little brother edward elric, the dude who punched his own dad in the face, his dad, who's kind of immortal edward elric, the dude who punched God. like literally. straight up fucking decked him therealbitchpudding The Catch These Hands Alchemist S
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  • 22
    Text - generalgrievousdatingsim might fuck around and let nature reclaim me A wordproblemapoligist does this mean you're going feral or just lying in the dirt for a while generalgrievousdatingsim yeah
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  • 23
    Text - when ur straight friend about to do something stupid Heterodont WHY DID I LAUGH SO HARD
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  • 24
    Text - talesfromweirdland Dutch artist, Redmer Hoekstra. nimmenstjer Ooooh, because "path" and "toad" are written and pronounced the same way in Dutch! Pad en pad. Een paddenpaadje. A road of toads. lorax177 I trode on the toad road iridescentoracle I walk a lonely toad The only one that I have ever known it croaks Don't know why But it's home to me and I walk on toads Source: talesfromweird...
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  • 25
    White coat - fundead Halloween Costume Idea: "Gradual Mutation" 1. Wear a lab coat to the party and chat about your experiments on crocodiles. 2. Every hour go to the bathroom and apply more scaly makeup. 3.Ask people for meat. 4. At the end of the night, put a lab coat on a crocodile and let it loose.
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  • 26
    Text - bogleech I've repeatedly seen British people make fun of American food for apparently always being either "too sweet or too salty" but our cuisine is still pretty mild compared to a lot of other countries, and having repeatedly tried British food, I'm pretty sure the term you're looking for is "having any flavor at all." durpacerangerrogjro Britain invaded over half the world for spices and then decided they didn't like any of them aresmarked you're half-joking but that is legitimately wh
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  • 27
    Text - shakespork i know i wouldnt survive in an austen novel because someone would be britishly, discretely rude to me and i would be completely unable to restrain myself from calling them a cunt to their face shakespork my detested rival: why, madam, you look so drawn and pale today! does the small size of your estate not give you enough freedom to take in the sun? me: listen you waxy, lemon-faced bitch,,
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  • 28
    Text - theoryofwar: milgramexperiment: tall people: if we are walking together please take into consideration my tiny legs. i cant keep up with you. please think of my tiny legs i dont want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll you TITANS Just get a pair of roller skates and hang on to my sleeve, we don't have all day.
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  • 29
    Text - queenwhiskey What food group is honey what the fuck is this stuff violetvappy Apparently its categorized as raw meat by the FDA, which is cursed information if I've ever seen it. queenwhiskey WHAT weaselsblaugh I wonder if this is due to tax reasons (why tomatoes are taxonomically fruit, but legally vegetable) or religious reasons (why beavers are considered fish, for purposes of Lent). dayst-ooc "Beavers are considered fish, for purposes of Lent" If I'm being honest here, I don't know wh
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