Guy Eats Six Egg Omelette Intended For Family, Embarrassment Ensues

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    Text - TIFU by eating a six egg omelet Years ago, on a bright and sunny spring morning, my wife was feeding our first child in his highchair. My in-laws, who were staying with us for a few weeks from abroad, were preparing breakfast for everyone. At the time, it wasn't terribly unusual for my mother-in-law to prepare meals for us, as she enjoyed helping us out with the cooking and giving us more time to tend to our little one. What was atypical was that my father-in-law had evidently decided to
  • 02
    Text - No worries. I could take a hint. So I helped my wife with the kiddo whilst munching on orange slices. Eventually, my father-in-law finished his masterpiece and placed it on the table before me. "For you," he announced. I gazed down at what was surely largest omelet l'd ever laid eyes upon. Six eggs, I was told, though to this day I contest that number. Despite its fluffy enormity, the omelet was stuffed with only a single ingredient, oozing out from every crevice and creeping over the edg
  • 03
    Text - "He likes blue cheese!" my wife told me, referring to my father-in-law. "It's his favorite." Evidently, my in-laws had had trouble acquiring this particular type of cheese in their homeland, so he always made it a point to acquire some whenever they visited. I nodded, still entranced by the sight of this, the king -- nay, emperor -- of blue cheese omelets. At this point, it might be helpful to list a few more factors that you, the reader, might sew together to build a tapestry of my minds
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    Text - I am American. As such, I have had exposure to the typical variety of American -- and Americanized -- cuisine. As it happened, I did enjoy a tasty omelet, and was willing to challenge a large one if I happened to wake up with a suitable appetite. Admittedly, l'd never sampled a blue cheese omelet, to my recollection; but l've eaten blue cheese and had no particular aversion to it.
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    Text - On the other hand, I was at least somewhat taken aback by the enormity of the breakfast creation that rested before me. Surely no one would prepare an omelet of such bulbous, swollen girth for someone who wasn't, say, an NFL player, or a bodybuilder, or The Rock. I mean, wow. This was an omelet. But my father-in-law did say that this was for me. And I didn't want to offend my in-laws, to whose culture I was still acclimating myself. So, I nodded, smiled appreciatively, took up my cutlery,
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    Text - This part's still a tad blurry, truthfully. Has anyone ever entered into a "food haze", where you just eat and eat without awareness of time passing or what's going on around you? I became lost in the omelet, subsumed by it even as I attempted to subsume it. I honestly don't recall whether I saw it as a challenge, or felt determined to show respect to my in-laws, or had just somehow unleashed some dark appetite hidden deep within my soul and could no longer contain it. All I can now recou
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    Text - Breakfast had apparently continued during my fugue. Eventually, we cleaned up; typically I always did the dishes, a responsibility that my mother-in-law and I would jokingly "fight" over. And the day went on, a pleasant day as best as I can recall. And then came bedtime. "You know," my wife said to me that evening as we got ready for bed, "that omelet was not all for you." "Oh, that's all right," I told her, not quite catching what she meant. "It was big, but I managed."
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    Text - "No," she repeated, "that omelet was for everyone." Blood drained from my face as I began to understand what she meant. In my in-laws' culture, meals -- even breakfast -- were usually served as dishes in the middle of the table, from which everyone takes a share. Typically, these dishes are served with large serving utensils -- so you could take as much as spoons and such you'd like and put it on your plate. I'm sure everyone's eaten that way. I've eaten that way. As a family.
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    Text - But I'm just an uncultured American. And someone put an omelet in front of me. Omelets aren't shared, right? They're made to order. Nobody puts an omelet in the middle of a table for everyone! Ha ha! That would be silly! Ha ha! Right? For you, my father-in-law's words echoed in the back of my mind. "But--" I started.
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    Text - "He made that omelet with his favorite kind of cheese. My dad wanted to share it with you. He wanted you to have some with him," she said slowly, as I wilted before her disappointed gaze. "He wanted to share it. Instead, he sat there and watched you eat the whole thing." I gaped. I had never sincerely gaped before. It was a new experience. I marveled at that fact while I continued to gape. Words failed me. My legs seemed as though they weren't far behind. "It's all right," my wife told me
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    Text - And so the legend of the six egg omelet came to pass. Each time the in-laws plan another visit, I jokingly tell my wife that I'll be making an omelet for her father. She finds that funny. I think. TL;DR: Accidentally gorged myself on an entire six-egg blue cheese omelet intended to be shared by the whole family.

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