Tweets That Perfectly Sum Up Marriage

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mattstaff
Jul 5, 2020 11:00 PM EDT

These tweets will either convince you that you actually want to get married, or talk you out of the process altogether. 

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  • 01
    Text - David Hughes Follow @david8hughes Me: the book is so much better Wife [pauses Shrek 3]: can you stop interrupting every 2 minutes
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 02
    Text - Myrrh Follow Gixix82 The secret to a lasting marriage is knowing no one else would put up with your bullshit.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 03
    Text - Jessica Valenti Follow @JessicaValenti I love my husband, but no matter where we are I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens he gets murdered first.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 04
    Text - Kate Sidley Follow @sidleykate Call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage should be between a person who hates pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 05
    Text - Wendy Follow @_wendyb07 Husband: you walk really loud. Anyway, marriage is fun.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 06
    Text - mama770 Follow @deegeemindi I'm secretly doing an investigation on how many decorative pillows I can put around the house till husband loses his shit. Current count:23
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 07
    Text - James Breakwell O Follow eXplodingUnicorn Wife: *trying to open a can of tuna* Our can opener is broken. Me: So it's a can't opener? Wife: I can't believe I married you.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 08
    Text - Lurkin' Mom Follow @LurkAtHomeMom Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 09
    Text - Walking Outside Follow @WalkingOutside Marry your true love so you can always wake up together and say, "Breathe the other way".
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 10
    Text - Simon Holland Follow @simoncholland [Me, on my deathbed] Wife: Is that what you're going to wear?
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 11
    Text - Chad Read Follow @squirrel74wkgn *tosses bath towel on hotel floor* [text from wife at home] "Pick that up."
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 12
    Text - Punchyk Follow @AnkCoupleTO Wife: How many times have I told you NOT to use my face moisturizer as body lotion? Me: *skin absolutely glowing* is this a trick question?
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 13
    Text - not the WORST mom Follow @nottheworstmom *RSVP'ing to Christmas party* Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate? Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 14
    Text - Donna McCoy Follow @Donna_McCoy Until I got married I didn't even know it was possible to chew bubblegum arrogantly.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 15
    Text - The Cre Master Follow @Jmboyd58 *wife runs back into our house which is on fire* What are you doing!? W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 16
    Text - Jersey Follow @better_off_dad Only marriage can turn a missing spatula into an act of war.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 17
    Text - Michael would like Nazis kicked off of this site. Follow @Home_Halfway WIFE: We really need to think about sticking to our monthly budget ME: *feeding my pet octopus a bag of emeralds* I agree
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 18
    Text - Abe Yospe Follow @Cheeseboy22 My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 19
    Text - Dumb Beezie Follow @dumbbeezie Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie
    via youandmeandrainbows

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twitter marriage relatable relationships social media ridiculous
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