Failbook

Top Tumblr Posts And Tidbits From The Past Week

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    Text - dogapult: today papa john's called my starbucks and they were like "are u guys interested in a trade" and five frappuccinos later they gave us two large pizzas and a large order of cheesy bread ok but this seems adorable to me like kids at lunch this is what my coffee shop does with the Subway next door. each large latte equals one 6 inch sandwich. we trade at noon and 7PM This is how the world should run
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    Text - slab-o-meat my roommate found a bag with a tooth at the bar one time and was showing people and a guy said he'd buy the tooth for 100$ and soon as it was in his hand he popped it in his mouth and crunched it up and swallowed it and told him that if he had any other teeth he wanted them ruudiinn the one time i thought to check if it was @one-time-i-dreamt it wasnt. what the fik
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    Text - krisadilli When I get comfortable with people I start using them as pillows and foot rests themindprobe when i get used as a pillow or foot rest i feel loved ashton-irwin-belongs-to-me I am both of these people Source: krisadilli 599,937 notes
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    Cartoon - LET THE FESTIVITIES BEGIN! HAPPY DEPRESSIONY EVERYBODY! ARE YOU DEPRESSED REGGIE? DOWNRIGHT MISERABLE! mmishaya Me and my mutuals logging tf in Source: mmishaya 55,061 notes
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    Text - sonsofshinon Baby poses thinking I'm taking pictures of him and not the art. princesstigerbelle Baby is art
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    Text - vangoghlo Folgen define gerrymandering but in a way that i can understand powermonk Folgen HOW TO STEAL AN ELECTION 50 PRECINCTS 5 DISTRICTS 5 DISTRICTS 60% BLUE 40% RED 5 BLUE O RED BLUE WINS 3 RED 2 BLUE RED WINS 14.677 Anmerkungen
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    Text - scofflawsins Follow why are moms capable of just leeching vibe arsenic into the atmosphere when they're pissed scofflawsins Follow my mom: is very slightly annoyed by even one thing me, already feeling bone nausea: I have to get out of this house national-shitpost-registry Semi related, but look up the Still Face Experiment. Basically, from an insanely early age we are sensitive to the moods and behaviors of our primary care givers, to the point that children and young people are particul
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    Text - TIL our walking speed is affected by whom we're with: men's pace slows down by an average of 7% when walking w/ female partners theyre interested in; women walking together move the slowest; & men walking w/ male friends moved at speeds faster than either man's preferred walking speed. via reddit.com nextvisibledelicious just zoomin around with the lads ed-longshanks scientifically proven hoes just slow u down
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    Text - fairyghibli-deactivated20181024 I met a fourth grader and her name was yue, and she was like 'yea I'm named after a character from avatar the last air bender cause my parents are huge nerds' and all I said was 'that's rough buddy' and she beamed at me and l'm pretty sure I made her day Imao hokuto-ju-no-ken Follow “how the fi : can a fourth grader be named after The Last Airbender, that was only a few years ago" he thought, moments before the all-consuming despair at the passage of time t
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    Text - mwagneto Follow TWO MONTHS LEFT OF THE 2010S HOW ARE WE FEELING mwagneto Follow two m;onths left of 2020 how th. how the fuoi are we f,eelin g.. ... . #I'm not
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    Text - yesterdaysprint Follow These flu masks are really a fine thing. For the homely person they are a regular godsend and for the handsome ones they give that added touch of mystery that is so appealing to the average person. Douglas Island News, Alaska, November 15, 1918 futureevilscientist Follow Nothing like absolutely vIBING with people who lived 102 years ago 59,910 notes
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    Text - best-of-inspirobot Follow We all have the power to make presidents vanish maxiesatanofficial inspirobot is gonna get taken out by the secret service 1500-years-of-evil-spirits Follow Bring this back out because it's a f j mood
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    Text - milfsagainstroadhead Really hate how “mommy and daddy issues" just a jab at the child and not the parent tiffanarchyforever Oh, so your parent(s) traumatized you when you were vulnerable and defenseless, and they let you down when you were reliant on them for your emotional needs? Lol idiot. phinarei My ENTIRE world just shifted to the left a bit. Thanks. 9,277 notes
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    Text - narwhalsarefalling some people think i learned braille for Cool Points but i actually learned it bc my medicine holder has the days printed in braille and i forget to take my medication a lot. i didnt feel like turning on a light one night just to see my medication so i learned braille out of spite. now everytime i go anywhere i have to read the braille signs and i have seen "woman" misspelled as "noman" SEVERAL times. narwhalsarefalling Tired Of Waking Up To Take Medication? Learn Braill
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    Organism - I May not Know Much william-snekspeare: the second panel was originally going to have words but I decided it was better without them
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    Product - the-imgurian E come-alongmerlin Source: slo-mo-tion Hello MTV, this is Marilyn Manson and welcome to my Marilyn Mansion kanyewesticle: | he saw the opportunity and he took it 527,810 notes
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    Text - theconcealedweapon Follow Think about why it's illegal to hire a hit man. All you're really doing is speaking and giving someone money. It's legal to speak. It's legal to give someone money. Even if they actually complete the job, you're not the one who committed the murder. So why is it illegal to hire a hit man? Could it be because inciting violence is not protected under free speech? And if that's the case, why should free speech protect Nazis advocating genocide? suicunesrider Follow
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    Text - sexaulity Follow Is This Actually Funny or Am I Just Sleep Deprived? A novel by me writeasrayne Follow Chances Are It's Not, But At Least l'm Happy. The sequel. sexaulity Follow ..this was such a wholesome addition..thank u 104,129 notes
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    Cartoon - memewhore Follow The American People The American people The American people The American people official-lucifers-child Follow how am i somehow all of them at once
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    Text - sketiana Follow the BEST THING about America is that one of their timezones is called mountain time. i cannot tell you how funny that is to me. it sure is always time for mountains in one fourth of america sketiana Follow mountain time 1/4 of you guys live like this
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    Bead - viralthings This octopus candle holder that my sister hand made in a pottery studio. bunjywunjy tell your sister good f. job Source: viralthings
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    Text - cardinel Pro tip for writing military characters: Do not give them a badass nickname. Literally every military nickname is either an insult or a reminder of an embarassing incident. For example, my nickname was "Firehose" because I once got really drunk and pissed myself. I'm not ashamed to admit this because everyone I knew with a nickname had a similarily embarassing origin. mlle-uton Mine was "Rat" because I was short (for the army) and ugly.
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    Text - floozys do you ever eat some disappointing junk food and it's like. i'm clogging my arteries for THIS? a-fashion-killa Things on this site are so oddly specific yet accurate Source: floozys 214,480 notes
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    Cartoon - jannock-jess Me: So you remember in the ALTA finale when Aang gets slammed against a rock in JUST the right spot so his chakra is unblocked and it realigns his whole spirit & body and he is able to reach his full potential as the avatar? My Chiropractor: What?
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    Text - wtf-jax Follow MIDDLE FINGERS UP IF YOU DON'T GIVE A *whispers quietly so my parents can't hear me* frick sugar-velvet * POLICE SIRENS* deanassbutts *HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING* e janecrocker [gavin screaming] piginapoke Follow who the f is Gavin 321bluegalaxy Follow Idk but he sounds pretty upset 1,151,327 notes
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    Text - REI tilthat TIL Sharks love heavy metal because the low-frequency vibrations are similar to the sounds made by struggling fish via reddit.com mlgspacememe I dare you to find a more metal sentence than "Sharks love heavy metal because it sounds like their dying prey" Source: tilthat 85,503 notes
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    Text - theappleppielifestyle a guy at school today was wearing this damn fine red nail polish and I heard these two girls whispering angrily and looking in his direction so I listened in expecting them to be weird about it and the first thing I hear is "how the HELL did he get it so good did he get it professionally done or something you need to ask him where he found that colour jesus fi christ are you KIDDING me" asseroth I think this is a good example of how the world should work.
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    Text - heythisisbecky Children are wild Today one of my students threw a stuffed animal across the room and it landed directly in a plate filled with paint And I had it narrowed down to a few kids but no one would confess so I made them all put their toys away and have five minutes of quiet time to Reflect on Their Behavior During that five minutes of relative silence, this group of three year olds INVENTED A NEW CLASSMATE, named him, and unanimously blamed him for throwing the toy across the ro
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    Text - omghotmemes Follow tealing fan @TealSather Untitled Goose Monstress Lol jk of course her name is Megoosa Tweet übersetzen Teal Sather 222 Turns everyone into ((Bread)) heir-of-the-chair Follow This is just so freaking cursed an a whole new level 84,494 notes
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    Text - bardstard i just heard my mum say 'you are very naughty' and then a meow and then another softer 'okay but next time there will be consequences' and then another meow and then a 'you're right probably not 69,282 notes A
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    Text - couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name I got a lot of beef with the concept of dust. absolutely no reason for something to get dirty just because nothing has touched it. be
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    Text - collapsedsquid Follow CAPITALIST INSANITY. w. A selentist praphesies that by the year 2020 the inhabitants of the world will all be insane. Some of us are sta inclined to think that today the world jud is one huge insane asylum, where the pla sane are kept in bondage by the in- we gal on tril sane. ry. Inaane arraneement revengeforthekilljoys Follow WE'RE WELL PAST THAT!
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    Vertebrate - sweet-bitsy E quidditchcapricious tumblr. Follow awwww-cute An Australian Blue Heeler goes to sleep on top of the flock it has herded sweet-bitsy THIS IS IT THIS IS THE POST THAT KILLED ME BECAUSE AFTER A LONG DAY OF HERDING SHEEP, THIS PUPPY HERE HERDED WITH ALL ITS MIGHT AND THEN SAID YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED A NAP-NAP AND A NAP-NAP IT HAD UPON THOSE SHEEP IT HERDED Source: awwww-cute #MORE LACTATIER 229,133 notes
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    Text - logarto Follow i went to go pick up my HORMONES from the chemist today and the guy was quite sweet and very well intentioned but clearly way out of his element... when i was leaving i did the standard "thanks have a nice night" and he responded with "you too enjoy your... (very very quietly obviously realising what he was saying was highly insane) gender.." and tbh i havent stopped thinking abt being a gender enjoyer since 31,203 notes
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    Text - RE tilthat Follow TIL that Ancient Roman politician Gaius Gracchus had a bounty placed on his head that was equivalent to his head's weight in gold. The head was delivered, but the reward was never paid because it was discovered that his captor removed Gaius' brain and filled his head with molten lead. via ift.tt good-opinion-haver Follow For once l'd like one boring fact about ancient Romans fairy-anon-godmother Follow The thing about the ancient Romans is that they went full throttle at
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    Text - aceofsquiddles Pro Christmas Jesus Santa Anti Pro capitalism capitalism The Grinch Scrooge Anti Christmas I was thinking about how 'Grinch' and 'Scrooge' are words for people who hate Christmas but aren't exact synonyms and then this chart happened.
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    Text - just-shower-thoughts There are two kinds of people. Those who think, "I don't want anyone to suffer like I did." And those who think, "I suffered; why shouldn't they?" lazyyogi This is an important distinction. Source: just-shower-thoughts 59,922 no.
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  • 38
    Text - erianda codl @codl@chitter.xyz 9h go to gendered bathrooms and replace the signs with two random things like, a fish and a sandal, and watch as people puzzle out which one is manlier 1+ 3 codl @codl@chitter.xyz it's not vandalism if it's an art project 9h gallusrostromegalus If you write down the results and property format the paper, it even counts as science!

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