Nightmare Family Members At Every Holiday Dinner

• The Golden Girl/Boy

  

  It seems like whatever you're up to in life, this mofo is always a couple of steps ahead of you. Since you two are around the same age, you're always being compared against your will. Just graduated college? She graduated from Ivy League. Just scored a pretty solid 9 - 5? She's volunteering with at-risk teens on a daily basis, on top of her super chic, obviously well-paid job. Finally have a boyfriend? She's a married Instagram influencer backpacking around Europe, along with her hubby and a pair of twins - a boy and a girl, which really works for their aesthetic. Her brows, hair, and fashion sense are always on fleek. Every year, you and your cousins try to find a crack in her perfect exterior. You have yet to discover her tragic flaw.

  
  

  
  

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• The Grinch

  

  This one's generally that judgmental aunt whose greatest joy on Christmas seems to be making you feel unhappy with yourself and your accomplishments. You are pretty much a lost cause in her eyes. If you put on a couple of pounds, it's because you completely let yourself go. If you're single, it's because your psycho ass drove every eligible bachelor away. If you're unemployed, it's because you just want to mooch off your parents for eternity - not like there's a global pandemic or anything at the moment. Like b*tch Aunt Janice, maybe look inward first before letting all your irrelevant word vomit spout all over the unfortunate people at the table who had to sit across from you.

  
  

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• The Sh*t Stirrer

  

  The Sh*t Stirrer is likely a cousin who just wants to watch the world burn for their own personal entertainment. And honestly, you're here for it. Just when the conversation is getting heated, they'll throw in a politically charged comment to ignite the fire at full force. After the seed is planted, they don't even participate in the conversation afterward. Instead, they sit back and enjoy the sh*tstorm they just created. And just in case the conversation becomes too relaxed for their liking, the Sh*t Stirrer will subtly remind that Grinch ass hoe aunt about your lacking dating life, just to mess with you. Remember to troll that b*tch back later.

  
  

  
  

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• The Anxious Wreck

  

  Every year, she plans the holiday dinner down to the very last detail. Holiday dinners are her shit, and she has an irrational need to get it flawlessly right. In addition to cooking a meal that could feed a pack of lions and setting the dinner table to a T, she has meticulously planned a list of conversation starters, icebreakers, and holiday games to ensure that everything runs smoothly. Alas, the Sh*t Stirrer hijacks her detailed plans with their own idea of a good time by intentionally turning everyone against each other. As the conversation begins to get heated, she heads to her room to pop a Xanax or two. Her therapist also recommended a meditation session for moments like these. Welp. Let's try again next year.

  
  

  
  

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• The Drunk Mess

  

  That Drunk Mess is generally that one uncle who still thinks he's at the prime of his youth. He may or may not have been the one who threw a couple of wasted punches at last year's dinner. To be fair, do you expect him to cope with all these people sober? He'll either end up slurring how much he loves the family before unleashing a good drunk cry, throwing the table during a heated debate, or totally passed out on the couch. Total wild card. Like a box of chocolates, you never know what version of the drunk mess you're going to get.

  
  

  
  

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• The Food Hoarder

  

  This one always comes prepared with the Tupperware necessary to steal the leftovers at the end of the meal. She prides herself on her game. Just when the Grinch is at the peak of one of her tirades, or the Drunk Mess is bestowing another emotional speech upon everyone that no one asked for, she'll be making her discreet moves in the kitchen. If someone happens to notice, she shrugs it off. After all, there's no shame in the scrumptious holiday food game.

  
  

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• The Fresh Face

  

  New significant others come and go each year, serving as key witnesses to the dysfunction that is your family. The poor things never know what they're in for. After experiencing your psycho family, they most likely will not be coming back next year. Unless they're equally as crazy, of course.

  Regardless, now is the perfect opportunity to roast your relative in front of their S/O. Take one out of the Shit Stirrer's playbook, and get this holiday dinner party started!

  Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor and more videos on our YouTube Channel

  
  

  
  

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