Failbook

Funny Tumblr Posts And Tidbits For Your Scrolling Pleasure

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    Text - musicoftheknight Tumblr: We want complex villains! Tumblr: But they can't do anything villainous or complex ever. scaliefox My favorite quote on this is Lemony Snickett when a school district banned his book due to the marriage plot by the villain. He merely responded "I'm sorry, but I'm at a loss on how to write a villain that doesn't do villainous things."
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    Screenshot - onlytwitterpics Follow bubs @bubsXbaby culinary students be like i got a spaghetti due at 11:50 ahphrobites Follow culinary students, abt to cheat: i sure hope no one checks under my hat 48,153 notes
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    Text - kaijuno constantine @greenlight no YOU live in a society. i live in my meticulously crafted daydream universe that i've been using as a coping mechanism since childhood thisisnotahaiku Cheers, l'll drink to that bro Source: kaijuno 33,955 notes
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    Text - O strongermonster Follow that reminds me of a couple years ago when my dumbass stupid bee post was going around and someone was trying to argue w me abt how unethical beekeeping for honey was so i was like "ahaha what? i don't beekeep for the honey i throw that nasty goop out! i eat the bees. crunchy" and i thought they were going to try and kill me in real life supreme-leader-stoat Follow OP I want you to know that you are a hero.
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    Pink - Jenn Ellis @jellispants · 1d Every year our aunt in Maine sends us little handmade chocolate lobsters. This year they are soap. Guess how I found out? I'll have the lobster quann-fruts-malk aunt played that long con
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    Text - Tweet Victor Linao @Linaowinmo "Diamonds are formed under pressure" And bread dough rises when you let it rest We're all our own things. What's motivating to you may be crippling to others. 1:43 am 22 Jun 20 Twitter for Android kingscrown666 Follow There's an old saying (I think it's Russian): the same boiling water that softens the potato will harden the egg
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    Text - Josh Hara @yoyoha Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever. 6/21/12, 10:50 AM oleandir be the inexplicable phenomena you wish to see in the world
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    Line - mellarkish a question to oversized shirt wearers: do u ever just
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    Blue - raptorific Follow Bananas736 Red is sus Dr Pep How is red sus Dr Pep this is mccarthyism I tried Among Us today theinfiknight Follow Hang on I gotta google something real quick theinfiknight Follow Ok this is funny
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    Lip - phemiec Follow YA books: There are 2 boys, the protagonist girl HAS to date one, but how can she choose? They are so incredibly different in every way! The boys:
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    Text - rnusicality: fun statistics for adults! "when I was a kid, I had no help with college tuition, I was hardworking and paid it all myself" -Annual tuition for Yale, 1970: $2,550 -Annual tuition for Yale, 2014: $45,800 -Minimum Wage, 1970: $1.45 -Minimum Wage, 2014: $7.25 -Daily hours at minimum wage needed to pay for tuition in 1970: 4.8 -Daily hours at minimum wage needed to pay for tuition in 2014: 17.3
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    Text - ghostielevi "you're obsessed with your mental illness" i know right? it's almost like it impacts every part of my life profoundboner "it's all in your head" I know right? it's almost like it's a mental illness C ami-angelwings "why do you let it affect you and stop you from being able to do things?" I know right? It's almost like it's an ACTUAL ILLNESS Source: ghostielevi
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    Yellow - rithmeres Seguir one of my coworkers has this sticker on his water bottle and it sends me into hysterics every time i see it QUENTINEN AND TARANTINED BY WRITTIN DIRECTINO Fuente: rithmeres > D o ♡ 34.823 notas
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    Text - nogirlfriend *spins my clothes in a wet metal tube then bakes them in a different metal tube to undo the wetness* friska-freak in literature this is called defamiliarization so congrats this post is officially a literary masterpiece Source: hungwy
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    Green - milfsagainstroadhead Follow Really hate how "mommy and daddy issues" just a jab at the child and not the parent tiffanarchyforever Follow Oh, so your parent(s) traumatized you when you were vulnerable and defenseless, and they let you down when you were reliant on them for your emotional needs? Lol idiot. phinarei Follow My ENTIRE world just shifted to the left a bit. Thanks.
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    Dog breed - Osubjecttocaprice My mom just sent me this picture of my dog...I guess we got a lot of snow, then subjecttocaprice update:
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    Text - kineticpenguin Follow It is increasingly obvious that most people have no idea how to indicate an illness is slowly killing someone without making them cough up blood. Doesn't matter what it is or if it has anything to do with your respiratory system, if you're dying, you're coughing up blood. kineticpenguin Follow Writers found out about tuberculosis and were like "damn this slaps" and we've been stuck with it ever since 532 notes A
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    Lip - weaver-z Ted Cruz @tedcruz · Dec 11 uh oh Not the Bee @Not_the_Bee Dec 11 Genius! These codebreakers just cracked the Zodiac Killer's infamous 340 cipher, 51 YEARS after it was first published. notthebee.com/article/so-coo... 980 27 5K 28.8K Heartbreaking: The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Great Joke 2/05/18 11:18am Filed to: WOW- weaver-z For those wondering this is 100% real and l'm furious about how funny it is
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    Text - basicallybeesus 5 goon sjw-bot right: bring back the racism left: can sonic be trans? centrist: sit on me soloontherocks the tumblr bots are passing the turing test now Source: sjw-bot 59,318 notes
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    Text - teathattast Follow everything bad happening is zuc. @GraceSpelman me: gender is a social construct me to my cat: Mr. Sir! You are just a little boy who is a man. Mr. Sir Boy! via gracespelman randomslasher #gender exists purely as an affectionate diminutive Why is this hiding in the tags captainlordauditor Follow boy (affectionate) 64,491 notes
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    Bone - sunshien i just watched a documentary on van gogh and how come nobody ever told me about this absolute banger of a painting
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    Lighting - catchymemes When people did not have clocks, they used "candle clocks". Candles that would burn for a set amount of hours. If you needed an alarm, you would push a nail at the desired time length in the candle and once it melted to the point, the nail would fall and hit the metal holder, alerting you. phantomtwitch I like that the candle pictured has four nails in it. Ye olde snooze button.
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    Green - 10. NASA had to relabel the penis sieeve for urinating in space suits from "small, medium, and large" to "large, gigantic, and humungous" because astronauts would only choose the large and they kept slipping off. tryingtodisappearcompletely God I hope this is true. Oh my god it is. arineat OMFG
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    Text - I have a habit of being too casual everywhere so one time while I was working I accidentally said"Whats 7 crackalackin?" to an old woman looking for medication and she replied "My bones dear" O 2h winking: | this app is truly amazing 156,240 notes ...
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    Text - pyrlspite tumblr is like wading through everyone else's garbage until you find something good and go "ah. this is good" and take it and display it in your own garbage pile trukingofskeletonhell Goblin Market Source: pyrlspite 103,144 notes
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    Text - sherlocksmyth: sherlocksmyth: one time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me "what the hell did you do to your hair?" because i had a blonde streak through it and i said "what the hell did you do to your eyebrow" and he sent me outside when i came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and i said it meant a religion that worshiped one god because mono means one as in monobrow and he sent me out again Source: marveicolm
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    Text - Anonymous said why is there star NAA nasa-official gas cloud get squished (gravitational collapse) then sometimes smaller elements can squish together to make bigger elements (nuclear fusion) and this continues as long as the smolest elements (hydrogen and helium) are in the core lordsoth42 NASA had learned the true language of the science side of Tumblr
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    Hairstyle - ethicalanimefordecenthumanbeings Follow wiki How Act like you were never a bad person 1 at all. Throw away clothes that remind apocahipster Follow high school bullies becoming nurses trickstertime Follow Hey, come on now, this isn't true, some become cops
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    Glasses - vivalatinamerica-deactivated201 can someone please explain how it's possible that every single month this year ended as quickly as it started and yet this whole year has felt like an eternity cmonandhauntme Follow
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    Screenshot - Sean @ Cú Chulainn diet @Stairfax Funeral WHAT New York Post @nypost China cracks down on funeral strippers nyp.st/2EK1wnh 有哀悼常生驾鹤商辦 2/22/18, 5:28 PM 6qubed man we've been doing funerals all wrong over here hokuto-ju-no-ken My friends, weeping at my funeral as they shove 5s and 10s between the biggest titties they've ever seen: it's what he would've wanted 會容存
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    Text - banjobutch Elon Musk @elonmusk Mars, here we come!! 5:08 PM 12/9/20 Twitter for iPhone This was the last thing Elon Musk tweeted before his rocket exploded and he didn't tweet anything else the entire day versacethotty Follow the way this is worded makes it sound like he was in the rocket twentybrokenipodclassics if only
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    Text - strongermonster Follow the girl on the bus in front of me was taking a bunch of selfies ni was accidentally in a few n she could see i looked uncomfortable w that so she turned around n apologized and let me watch her delete all the ones my face was in 00 she's the only person i earth i respect strongermonster Follow i told her "it's ok you don't have to do that i just didn't want my ugly to ruin your vibe" and she called me sweetheart and told me she wished her hair looked like mine and
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    Text - Maria la @taranehayeman oh my god... we forgot the amish. has anybody told the amish what's going on?? HAS ANYONE CHECKED ON THE AMISH Oversæt Tweet 07.16 - 19.03.2020 Twitter for iPhone 65 Retweets 306 likes the-greek-goddess Actually Yes! In the state of Kentucky, the state government sent down health officials to talk with the elders and explained what's going on. The elders decided to disband their weekly church meetings (they are going to have church within their families instead) an
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    Text - kylesquips If you wanna date a milf you gotta play the long game fellas kylesquips Step one: get a gf Step two: wait
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    Text - lacie @layc04 You know in JAWS when everyone is pissed the beaches are closed bc the shark keeps killing people and they KNOW it's killing people and they go to the beach anyway? That's what this pandemic is like uncleromeo Follow i used to think that plot was so ridiculous. I'm embarrassed at how wrong i was.
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    Animation - catchymemes Sodium, an explosive metal Chlorine, a deadly gas Table salt captain-snark Follow Do you think this type of content brings physical pain to antivaxxers? lunacornfan2k20 Follow As a chemist this is instant serotonin
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    Text - death2america questions to torture stuck-up business majors with on a date • "why can't we just print more money?" • "inflation? isn't that like, a kink?" • "why do they call it the FREE market when you have to pay for stuff?" feel free to add on thyrell i asked a guy what the difference between stocks and bitcoin is today and he had to go to a different room to calm down ollis-beard Follow He probably just left the room to look up what the difference is #SCREAM 987 notes A
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    Text - joshpeck Follow just truly bonkers how much i love lying down. .like being horizontal? unparalleled comixextra Follow #well it's paralleled by both the floor and ceilng but i see where you're coming from 38 384 notes A
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    Text - A la-laborista-republiko Follow Trans women are unstoppable because we have access to all the secret esoteric Boy Scout knowledge but are no longer bound by the moral constraints of the Boy Scout Oath. la-laborista-republiko Follow They told me how to build all those fires and tie all those knots and they never even suspected I was a spy for the enemy undeadnecromancer Follow assigned sleepercell at birth 10,145 notes
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    Text - sailorcuba why is the sims so addictive but only for a short amount of time??? like all u do is play the sims u don't sleep u don't eat it's like you're on drugs for around two days and then forget about it for the next whole year tasmanianstripes God creating Adam and Eve then f off for the rest of the eternity like
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    Text - girlbosshannibal Follow imagine searching your whole life for the chosen one who will destroy the matrix and save the human race and you find him and hes fo | keanu reeves girlbosshannibal Follow translesbianrouge YOU FIND HIM DOING WHAT
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    Text - PAin barbarianarchy you don't hate winter, you hate living an atomized existence where you get up and go to your sl job rather than sit inside under a fire with your kin telling stories, eating, and playing weboftime Capitalism: go to work 10000 years of evolution: stay home and spin wool and yarns

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