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The Bar Newb
So awkward that it's almost endearing. As he stands at the periphery of the dance floor and clumsily sips on a virgin cocktail through his straw, it's become abundantly clear he doesn't get out much. If you're feeling generous, adopt him for the night and teach him the best nightlife practices.
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The Beer Buffoon
The Super Smashed to the Bar Newb's Stone Cold Sober. He's likely been day drinking in honor of a random sports team you couldn't care less about and has continued his party for one into the night. Enjoy his neverending sozzled slurs.
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Prince (Player) Charming
Granted, this guy is cute and charming as f*ck. If you weren't already super jaded, you would actually believe you found your prince. Alas, you've been around the block one too many times, so you're more than aware that this bar is Player Charming's local pick-up-chicks playground. You give him your number anyway — I mean, how could you resist?
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The Thin, Dark, and Dystopian
Cigarettes, leather jackets, and Edgar Allen Poe are his love languages. He's way too cool for this trashy bar, but his less intellectual friends forced him to spend just one night away from his Holy Trinity happy places — Williamsburg, Greenwich Village, and East Village. He may not be the Tall, Dark, and Handsome you were looking for, but Thin, Dark, and Dystopian will have to do for the night.
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The Boyfriend at the Bar
Now this is the tall, dark, and handsome glass of perfection you came to the bar for. He's almost too good to be single. Well, that's because he isn't. The moment you spot him, you spot his even more perfect girlfriend right next to him. He even dutifully holds her purse for her! *Downs shot in tipsy frustration*
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The Big Spender
Drinks all around when this guy steps into the bar! Didn't properly pregame? Have no fear - the Big Spender has you and your friends covered. The catch? He may just expect you to repay the favor in bed. Escape the Room has never seemed so appealing. Have your getaway plan ready to go.
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The Finance Frat Bro
He was the reign supreme in college, now he's the reign supreme on Wall Street. And he and his homies want everyone in the bar to know it. They just got paid (with sexy AF salaries too, I might add), and they're here to get laid. They're loud, rowdy, and ready to rock your world with their jock good looks. Admit it - they're a damn good time too.
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The Baby
The underager who is probably one of the Finance Frat Bros' little brothers. Important to identify him before getting wasted so that you don't end your night accidentally hooking up with an 18-year-old.
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The Shady Guy with the Hookup
This guy emanates shady vibes, and this bar is one of his many stomping grounds around the city to sell. Your intoxicated mind debates whether you find shady to be sexy. May the lord be with you, boo.
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The Creep
If leering was a sport, this guy would be an Olympic champion. Avoid making contact with him at all costs. He might take that as an invitation to yonder on over and get all grope-y. Yikes. Check PLEASE.
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The Local Lush
Every bar has one — the legend who has been coming to this bar since the beginning of time. This devoted customer is beloved to the owner and bartenders alike. He is a local treasure, and we must protect him at all costs. If you play your cards right, you just might become the Local Lush one day.
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