The Ten Predictable Guys All Women Meet On Dating Apps

• The Doggo Dude

  

  
  

  The dog seems to be the main attraction in his profile. The dog's presence is guaranteed if you go on a date with him. You start to wonder if he got the dog solely to pull on dating apps. Like, would he even have a personality if not for this adorable pupper? Unclear.

  
  

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• Too Legit to Quit Guy

  

  
  

  Whether you accidentally match with him or respond to his message once, this guy will never leave you alone. He's so committed to getting you to respond that he's essentially made a career of virtually stalking you. Get ready for a tsunami of "you still there?", "waiting for you to drunk text me again", and the simple "???" until the world ends.

  
  

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• The Presumed Butterface

  

  A profile that consists of pics of the midsection, and the midsection only. It's a pretty impressive set of abs, but you're obvs hella suspicious: either his face is uggo beyond repair, he's an international spy that must hide his identity, or the abs don't actually belong to the guy behind the profile. Does anyone actually swipe? Asking for a friend.

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• The Insta Hoe

  

  
  

  According to his profile, he's never actually on the app, so if you're interested, just give him a follow on the 'gram. Much like The Bachelor, he seems to be here for the wrong reasons: more Insta followers, rather than a crazy little thing called love - a concept that I'm not even sure exists anymore.

  
  

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• The Tourist

  

  
  

  He's in town for a good time, not a long time, and he makes that clear in his profile. Down to play the random hot townie he hooked up with in his travel stories? Better work quick.

  
  

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• Your Buddy

  

  
  

  That close guy friend of yours. Your cousin. Or worst case scenario - your brother. Unfortunately, if they're in your vicinity, they're inevitably gonna come up on the app. People are actually romantically interested or sexually attracted to these buffoons? I mean, yuck!

  
  

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• The One Too Hot for a Bio

  

  
  

  He seems to think his looks alone will easily get you to swipe right. Why waste time on words when his face speaks for itself? You'll be the judge of that.

  
  

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• The Group Pics Only Guy

  

  
  

  This one thinks he's playing a clever game, posting group pics in hopes you'll think he's the more attractive friend in the pic. Like, dude, we're gonna figure it out eventually. Quit hiding. My therapist said the moment you're truthful with others is the moment you find your truth, so it's about time you reveal your true colors.

  
  

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• The “Swipe Right for Sarcasm” Guy

  

  
  

  If you can't handle sarcasm, you can't handle him, so you might as well swipe left now. Or so he claims on his profile. On dating apps, it seems like half the guys are convinced that sarcasm is the new sexy standard. As a result, flaunting sarcastic wit on your profile has become the new basic.

  
  

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• The One That Got (Swiped) Away

  

  
  

  He was perfect in every single way - unique profession, healthy lifestyle, ideal height, sweet face, and the same fave Netflix show. Alas, you were swiping so quickly that you accidentally swiped in the wrong direction. A modern-day tragedy. He will remain in your memory till the end of time.

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