CheezCake

My Nightmare Date With The Shortest Guy Ever, And A HUGE... Attitude Problem

  • This is, without a doubt, the worst first date I ever had.

    Nose - - GRVE UM...

    I met Tim, a financial analyst, on Bumble. I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly he cut through the usual monotonous red tape that is texting back and forth and invited me out for an evening that same week.

    Upon arrival, I approached Tim, who was sitting at the bar. He immediately stood up to receive me, and I was utterly astonished by the size of this boy man.

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  • Tim was under 5 feet tall, which he had failed to mention on Bumble.

    Clothing - What a small man you are.

    My petite frame stands just shy of 5'1, so unlike many women in the online dating community, I am not often concerned with details such as the height of an individual because rarely do I meet a guy who is shorter than me.

    To his credit, I didn't ask about his height, and he didn't offer a number that was clearly fabricated at any point in our conversation or on his profile.

  • I tried being open minded, hoping he had a few extra inches elsewhere.

    Lip

    Donned in my ballet flat shoes, I stood about 2 and 1/2 inches taller than Tim.  Usually, the one to feel particularly dainty next to 99.9% of people I meet, I suddenly felt oddly monstrous towering over this miniature human.

    No problem! Maybe he has a few extra inches somewhere else. Think positive!

  • We started talking, but then Tim got weird...

    Outerwear - EXCUSE ME? Citytv

    The waitress showed us to our table, and right away Tim and I got to talking. After sharing the details of how our days at work went we began discussing what TV shows we were looking forward to watching now that the weather was becoming crisper by the day.

    "Were you into 'Mad Men'?" He asked.

    "That is actually one I couldn't get into for some reason," I replied.

    "Strike ONE," Tim said, rather aggressively.

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  • He kept giving me "strikes" every time I didn't like something he was into. Ummm OK?!

    Cheek - #FIXMYLIFE

    "Strike one? So it's a strike against someone when they don't like the same TV show?"

    The waitress came by to take our beverage order and Tim recommended I sample the Sazerac whiskey drink from the signature cocktail menu.

    "I am more of a vodka or gin drinker. Not so much into whiskey."

    "Oh, noooooo! That's strike TWO," he said fervently.

  • For a short guy, he had a pretty big attitude. But, like an idiot, I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt... again!

    Lip - Fool me once, strike one.

    "OK, so the whole 'strike' thing has got to stop. Putting 'strikes' against people who don't share your opinions on things like liquor and TV shows is pretty stupid."

    Tim offered up a pathetic apology and chalked it up to being nervous. I accepted and was prepared to start fresh.

  • We finished the date (thank GOD), but then Tim asked if we could get another drink... as he insulted me.

    Clothing - No, thank you, please.

    I finished my meal despite the fact that Tim had completely spoiled my appetite. When we exited the building I had every intention of making a beeline for the train to escape the atrocious company I had just endured.

    "So, we can grab another drink at this whiskey bar I really like down the street," he said, rather presumptuously. "Although you don't drink whiskey, so it would probably be kind of embarrassing bringing you there and you NOT drink whiskey."

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  • I declined, informing him of just how rude he was. He told me I had anger problems. Is this guy for real?!

    Lip - I'm about to start swinging,

    "I'm actually going home," I said. "This was quite possibly the worst first date I've ever had. You are, like…incredibly rude. Are you aware of that?

    "Wow! Seems like someone has some anger problems. Hopefully, this isn't strike three!" He responded facetiously.

    Oh. Now I'm pissed.

  • I told him that for a short guy, he needed a serious personality adjustment. He laughed. I wasn't trying to be funny.

    Sleeve - **** DO BETTER.

    "Your little 'strike' bullshit needs to stop. Considering how short you are you might want to consider a serious personality adjustment."

    Tim laughed it off as if I was joking. I ran into the underground solace of the subway. I have never been so happy to get home to my shoebox of a studio apartment.

  • Tim text me the next day asking to see me again. Ummm no thank you Tim. F*ck off Tim.

    Eyebrow

    Tim texted me the next day as if nothing ever happened-

    *Hey! I had a great time last night. You have an interesting sense of humor. I'd like to do it again and I guess I can let it slide that you don't like whiskey ;)*

    Hey, Tim. You can f*ck right off.

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About the Author

Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.

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About the Author

Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.