"I’m a Male Feminist and Here's Why You Should be Grateful"

• Using my Voice

  
  via giphy

  
  

  As a man, I understand that people are more likely to listen to me than a woman like you. I have a naturally more authoritative voice, and I know bigger words that you probably wouldn't understand. That means people are more likely to trust me when I say women should get to choose who they marry, so you should probably be quiet about it and let me do the talking.

  
  

  
  

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• Educating Women

  
  via gifer

  
  

  One thing I've learned from telling girls about their own rights to personhood is that a lot of them don't even realize they're not equal. Most of them won't even engage in debate with me (where I play devil's advocate, of course), which means they probably don't know how to talk about why women should have rights. Thank goodness I'm here to teach you, right ladies?

  
  

• Keeping You Company While You Clean

  
  via giphy

  
  

  See, as a female, you are naturally wired to be better at cleaning and housework than me. That's not regressive to say, it's just biology. That's why I always let girls clean up after me, I know that I just won't do as good a job. But you're in luck because I'm happy to lecture you from the couch while you tidy up!

  
  

• Refusing to Pay on Dates

  
  via giphy

  
  

  Listen, ladies, I fully believe that women deserve equal pay, and that means taking on equal responsibility. A true gentleman doesn't pay on dates, he lets his date exercise her right to pay for her own meal. You're welcome. So, should we take this back to my place?

  
  

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• Having a Giant Wiener

  
  via gifer

  
  

  I know from the three different girls I've been with that nothing gets a girl in bed faster than explaining to her how women just need to be more assertive. And nothing makes a girl feel more respected than riding my well-endowed self. The fact that all three girls snuck out before morning and ghosted me is just more proof that I'm exactly what womankind has been missing.

  
  

  
  

• Calling Myself a Feminist

  via tenor

  
  

  Most men are too scared to even use that word, but I care so much about your rights that I actually have it in my Twitter bio. I know you'll want to thank me for all I've done for the feminist movement...the only question is, will you be thanking me verbally or orally?

  
  

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