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Using my Voice
As a man, I understand that people are more likely to listen to me than a woman like you. I have a naturally more authoritative voice, and I know bigger words that you probably wouldn't understand. That means people are more likely to trust me when I say women should get to choose who they marry, so you should probably be quiet about it and let me do the talking.
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Educating Women
One thing I've learned from telling girls about their own rights to personhood is that a lot of them don't even realize they're not equal. Most of them won't even engage in debate with me (where I play devil's advocate, of course), which means they probably don't know how to talk about why women should have rights. Thank goodness I'm here to teach you, right ladies?
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Keeping You Company While You Clean
See, as a female, you are naturally wired to be better at cleaning and housework than me. That's not regressive to say, it's just biology. That's why I always let girls clean up after me, I know that I just won't do as good a job. But you're in luck because I'm happy to lecture you from the couch while you tidy up!
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Refusing to Pay on Dates
Listen, ladies, I fully believe that women deserve equal pay, and that means taking on equal responsibility. A true gentleman doesn't pay on dates, he lets his date exercise her right to pay for her own meal. You're welcome. So, should we take this back to my place?
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Having a Giant Wiener
I know from the three different girls I've been with that nothing gets a girl in bed faster than explaining to her how women just need to be more assertive. And nothing makes a girl feel more respected than riding my well-endowed self. The fact that all three girls snuck out before morning and ghosted me is just more proof that I'm exactly what womankind has been missing.
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Calling Myself a Feminist
Most men are too scared to even use that word, but I care so much about your rights that I actually have it in my Twitter bio. I know you'll want to thank me for all I've done for the feminist movement...the only question is, will you be thanking me verbally or orally?
"I’m a Male Feminist and Here's Why You Should be Grateful"
I'm a man, but I'm also a feminist. It's the 21st century, and you females deserve to be treated like human beings! We're not heathens anymore, we're civilized and we should have equality for men AND women. I'm talking about the right to vote, I'm talking about the right to work alongside men, I'm talking about the right to decide what you do with your own body. The one frustrating thing about being a male feminist is that I talk all the time about this stuff, but women are always really weird about it. Like, I told a girl at a party the other day that I think men should do housework sometimes, and she actually had the nerve to roll her eyes at me. I was trying to advocate for her gender and she didn't even give me a smile! So as someone who genuinely cares about women's rights, I just wanted to let you girls know all the amazing things I'm doing for you.