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Here's Why Women Like Jerks, According To Reddit

The female community universally knows that jerks, f*ckboys, and a**holes are the worst, and should be avoided at all costs. Yet, we also have to admit that they're so good at what they do. For some reason, many of us keep coming back for more, and we're not really sure how to explain this toxic attraction. Thankfully, we can always count on Redditors to explain the strange phenomena of the world. Last year, a Redditor really wanted to understand WTF is going on when it comes to women who are attracted to jerks, and his fellow Redditors pulled through with all kinds of explanations. Scroll down to gain a better sense of our toxic attractions, and how we could avoid being into jerks in the future. 

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  • 1
    Font - Posted by u/AdministrativeHour5 1 year ago What is really happening with women "liking jerks?" So logically I know that it's not that women actually like guys that are assholes. I just see it time and time again with my male acquaintances that they're obviously being assholes or treating women like shit. Not that they're "putting them on a pedestal." Legitimately, being assholes. They'll even admit it themselves. It's not cases like "Oh she wanted to hang out but I told her nope, i'm drin

    This Redditor has given us much to think about. I too have fallen for the jerk time and again, and I haven't been able to explain this strange phenomenon - until now. Scroll down for all the v interesting psychological and sociological explanations Redditors provide. 


  • 2
    Human body - Substantial_Papaya · 1y It's all about the intermittent reinforcement. Same as why casinos are addicting as hell. When a guy is a jerk you don't know when you'll be reinforced and when the reinforcement does occur it's far more pleasurable. Psychologists have known this for decades

    Right off the bat, we got a psychological explanation for why we are the way that we are. Maybe I just start hitting up casinos instead of hitting up toxic men. Surely, that will be the solution to all my problems. 


  • 3
    Font - WhiteFlatBlonde e: 1y Exactly this! I'm ashamed to admit this, but I once dated a guy who was a bit unpredictable. He wasn't exactly an asshole, but he wasn't quite nice to me, either. He'd constantly blow me off, or say things that were kind of hurtful, and tell me I was being crazy when I confronted him about it. But he did make the effort to be nice every once in a while. And when he did those little things (holding a door open for me, buying me dinner, going on dates), it felt so addi
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  • 4
    Font - [deleted] · 1y Nacissistic abuse. It starts with love bombing and idealization. You think "wow this guy really thinks I am special!" Then they start devaluing you. Making comments here and there about how stupid they think you are. Abuse trickles into other aspects of the relationship, they gaslight you and because your family dynamic was abusive you really don't know to make you feel crazy, which way is up and which way is down. You try to break up with them, but they act so charming, re
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  • 5
    Font - ben-gives-advice · ly It's not universal. There are plenty of women who would have nothing to do with assholes. But lots of people, both men and women, are attracted to people who are not good for them. Confidence in particular can be very attractive, and one thing assholes often appear to have is confidence. Sometimes it's just that these people are attractive, and because of that, they never had to develop any compassion or put any effort into a relationship. They can always find someon
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  • 6
    Font - nexusfaye · 1y When you don't have happy, loving parents, you develop an innate need for love and approval from outside sources. And when a guy acts like an asshole, but still leaves the door open to the girl ("I want nothing to do with you. We can still fuck though"), she subconsciously pursues him and wants to win his love and approval, because the asshole part simulates the hurtful and dissatisfying relationship she had with her parents, but this time she's determined to "win" the love
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  • 7
    Rectangle - FuttBucker27 · 1y A lot of the time it has to do with them having to put up a fight for affection from them, so that makes them more desirable in their eyes. I learnt that the hard way once when I was really into this girl but she never felt the same until one night she did something that pissed me off and made me cold towards her for the entire night and she was all over me for the rest of the night.
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  • 8
    Human body - Uesugi1989 · 1y Women like confidence, the more confident the guy is, the better. Here is the catch though, after a certain point, overconfident people become arrogant assholes, we see it all the time with star athletes and celebrities
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  • 9
    Facial expression - sarahmw10 · 1y Because it starts in elementary school. "he's just teasing you because he likes you." We're conditioned from kindergarten that when a boy is mean to you it means he likes you. This trains girls to accept shitty behavior and tells boys that their shitty behavior is acceptable.
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  • 10
    Handwriting - healthhappinessholly · 1y It could be familiarity and comfort with the dysfunctional dynamics..My (31F) dad is an emotionally unavoidable lying asshole and sadly, I have been subconsciously attracted to those personalities throughout my dating career (his is why I pay for therapy lol). Certainly not the case for all women, but it's true for many that I know...

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  • 11
    Smile - CSQUITO 1y It's the way society conditions us, but also it hurts so much the way guys treat us sometimes that we want to put it right. There's no closure in being ghosted or disrespected besides getting the person who disrespected you to respect you. However this rarely actually works out and people don't realise that closure isn't always possible and isn't always the best healer
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    Via u/CSQUITO

  • 12
    Font - 03slampig · 1y They like the assertiveness and perceived confidence more than they dislike the asshole tendencies. Another thing is that more often than not those women are equally screwed up as the guy is. Well adjusted people usually don't put up with shitty behavior.
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  • 13
    Font - znebsays · 1y This has nothing to do with women being attracted to assholes. It's traits of agreeableness. Those are have less of it especially in the work force are far more successful, and those who tend to agree more or have higher traits in this tend to be always lacking especially in the workplace. These traits also translate into relationships. The stats prove it , " Non-agreeable people are in large paid more, sometimes even though they have the same job, because of their abilities
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  • 14
    Font - custoscustodis · 1y People like a challenge. Providing the girl is extremely attracted to the guy, and the more challenging the guy is, the more she will put up with in order to get him or at least feel validated by him. This is also happens to men, too! I think the jerk thing is an outdated trope portraying the jock archetype. There are "jerks" in straight, gay, pan, whatever situations. "Jerks" are people that know what they want and how to get it, and have the looks, assertive etc to g
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  • 15
    Font - Detective_Lindy - 1y There is a lot going on here and the response to this question relies heavily on the shape of your genitals. So.for the record I am male and everything I say about how women think is a guess. Three things: 1. Women (and men) prefer partners who are attractive first and foremost. Attraction for the vast majority of women hinges on three factors: your height, your complexion, and whether or not the vast majority of people would describe you as attractive. (Aka, "Tall, d
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  • About the Author

    abbyadler
    Abby is a wandering soul who is incapable of staying in one place for too long. Her passions include travel, dance, karaoke, meditation, and cheesy fries. When she's not clacking away at her laptop and talking shit on the internet, you can find her tearing up the dance floor on a night out on the town.
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About the Author

abbyadler
Abby is a wandering soul who is incapable of staying in one place for too long. Her passions include travel, dance, karaoke, meditation, and cheesy fries. When she's not clacking away at her laptop and talking shit on the internet, you can find her tearing up the dance floor on a night out on the town.