Contortionist Goes On Mission For Burrito, Leaves Cashier Traumatized

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    Font - gallusrostromegalus Let's Have Another Bullet Point Story, Courtesy of a Friend So I have a friend that used to be in the tumblers troupe at the renfaire as a contortionist We were chatting online and she told me to tell you all this story. I love Kat dearly but she forgets that she's stupid strong and hypermobile
  • 02
    Font - so one day she throws her back out bad enough that she needed painkillers and couldn't stand upright "But also I needed Tampons and like. A Burrito, real bad." she's flat on her back in her apartment when she decides this and, in an impeccable leap of reasoning, decides
  • 03
    Font - "I can't roll my back forward to sit/stand up like normal. But I can ARCH my back just fine. SO I'm going to do that and get on my hands and feet in a stomach-in-the-air this-shit-belongs-in-a-horror-movie- type pose, And amble on down to the 7-11"
  • 04
    Font - 95 "And get me that Burrito" It is, for context, after midnight in July during a wildfire so it's hot as satan's own asshole and the moon is red and shit's already generally cursed.
  • 05
    Font - Imagineyou are some poor sap working nights at the world's deadest 7-11, and you hear the door jangle but you don't see anyone's head over the counters. Whatever. Except you keep hearing noises like there's someone in the next aisle over. • F ing around in the burrito section
  • 06
    Font - It's also worth mentioning that Kat 1. sings whatever earworm is currently running through her head when she's not paying attention 2. sounds EXACTLY like some kind of creepy child from a horror movie when doing so tonight's song is something from veggietales.
  • 07
    Font - DUDE ACTUALLY STANDS HIS GROUND and/or is really high and isn't sure if he's tripping balls or notanyway Kat goes up to pay for her burrito and tampons
  • 08
    Font - She realizes the counter presents some- thing of a challenge, and then demon- strates for me on her kitchen table at 4AM during a different july wildfire, exactly how she used the shelves to climb up the counter like one of the boston robotics beasties
  • 09
    Font - dude stares at her for like, five minutes and says. "Register's broke."
  • 10
    Font - "Oh No!" Says Kat. "Just Take 'em." "Really? I can leave cash-you don't have to give me change I don't want you to get in trouble with your manager." "...Nah." "Oh! OK! Thank you!" "Yeah ok bye."
  • 11
    Font - Shortly after she arrived back at the apartment, she got a text on her phone from the campus security about "A Suspicious Individual" at tle 7-11. It took her FOUR YEARS to realize she was the suspicious individual
  • 12
    Font - tienriu Live your best life. Be the cryptid in somebody else's story. Be the reason why there's a guy out there who absolutely believes in the supernatural (and insists they're actually really quite polite).

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