Brave Dietician Reviews Brach's Turkey Dinner Candy

Ada Elder

Oct 11, 2021 12:00 PM EDT

Some things shouldn't exist. And we can say without a shadow of a doubt that Brach's 'Turkey Dinner' candy corn bags fall into that category. As a passionate hater of all things candy corn, this confection's existence shakes me to my core. And yet, it piqued my curiosity in a different way than Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans. Jelly Belly's take on a Harry Potter creation consists of their classically delicious flavors mixed in with some seriously heinous flavor profiles like vomit, earwax, or sardine. This Brach's bag of blasphemy seems 100% bad. And luckily for the faint of heart, one incredibly brave dietician decided to taste every ominous "corn kernel" and tweet the whole reviewfor the world to see.

I bought a bag of this #brachsturkeydinnercandycorn a while back and have been saving them for #nationalspookymonth. I'm a #registereddietitian and this is my honest review as a nutrition professional. Ahem. 1/18 pic.twitter.com/HosFqhL0Px
— Mom of No Rank (@momofnorank) October 7, 2021

Our gracious guinea pig takes reviewing seriously. The thorough 18 part thread goes into gruesome detail, tearing every flavor from green bean to coffee apart. It's almost like we wasted the money ourselves. Grateful followers and new fans applauded the effort, likening the punchy writing to the whimsical wit of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. And they wouldn't be wrong. Despite our appreciation for the creativity, the most important factor is still this: we now know (without a shadow of doubt) that buying this epicurean affront would be a mistake.