Pregnant Woman Declines Joint Baby Shower With Pregnant Sister, Fearful Of Sister Being Center Of Attention

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abbyadler
Dec 26, 2021 4:00 PM EST

Sibling rivalries are nothing new, but when their parents take sides, things get ugly. Redditor u/Emlizin went to the popular moral judgment subreddit r/AmITheAsshole to describe how she drew a line when her sister suggested they hold a joint baby shower after they happened to get pregnant around the same time. After the sister pressed multiple times, OP said she didn't want to do a joint baby shower because her parents always blatantly favored her sister and OP didn't want to give the rest of the family another chance to show off that clear bias again.

Apparently, the sister said OP is a jerk for using her own problems with their parents against her sister, but it sounds like the sister has benefitted from a lifelong bias toward her and never so much as expressed remorse that her own sister wasn't treated more fairly. It also sounds like OP doesn't speak with her parents by choice as an adult: why would she want them at her baby shower?

For more tough sibling moments, check out the woman who got mad when her sister wouldn't allow her and her eight-person family to move in.

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  • 01
    Font - AITA for telling my sister I don't want a joint babyshower with her because I don't want to be reminded she's the special one? My sister (26f) and I (28f) are pregnant at the same time. I'm due in February and she's due in April. A few weeks ago she suggested a joint baby shower with all our friends and family present and I said I wasn't into the idea. She was disappointed and brought it up several more times since then. I ended up snapping the last time and told her I don't want a joint
    via u/Emlizin

    Just the opening paragraph of this one made us sad. 

  • 02
    Font - Some quick bg: our parents favored her our whole lives. She was the smart one, the one who brought less trouble to their lives (I had bad anxiety and was diagnosed with learning disabilities at age 10 which my parents always seemed to resent). I was expected to just deal with whatever learning trouble I had while they planned for her to go to college, saved money for her to go even. Once I got my diagnosis they took the money they had saved for me and said it didn't seem worth it to keep
    via u/Emlizin

    Parents should never favor one kid over the other. Yikes. 

  • 03
    Font - me to go to school when I was never going to get anywhere with it. They also made more time for her, which they said taking me to therapy was time with me even when I didn't go more than twice a month, it was always enough time with me. They'd always compliment her on how she looked and how bright her future was. I ended up cutting off my family when I turned 18 and I cut my sister off for a while too. We fought. She asked why I cut her off. I explained how I was treated. She said she was
    via u/Emlizin
  • 04
    Font - But even after all this she always brought up seeing our parents or how great it would be for us all to be together again. Now this. Even though I have told her and she admitted to seeing some of the stuff I mentioned she still wants me to have a shower with them, she expects me to sit there as they spoil her and express excitement over her kid but knowing they won't do the same for me and my child. My sister said I was an asshole and taking my issues out on her. Is she right? AITA?
    via u/Emlizin
  • 05
    Font - seahawk1977 · 17h Asshole Enthusiast [8] NTA. Your parents are terrible and your sister is enabling them. She wants you to ignore your pain so she doesn't have to feel guilty. Have you thought about going NC with them? Toxic people like that aren't healthy especially for someone who's pregnant.
    via u/Emlizin
  • 06
    Font - CakeisaDie · 17h · edited 17h Commander in Cheeks [215] NTA You said no, you explained your no. You want to feel like you are the center of attention during your baby shower and you believe that your parents will show favortism if you share a day. Your sister didn't accept the initial No, or the subsequent Nos and is now upset even after you explain your No. That's on her. You said No.
    via u/CakeisaDie
  • 07
    Font - FuckUGalen · 17h Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] NTA - also I am of the understanding that you are still no contact with your parents? If so does she think that they would be welcome at your joint baby shower? Or is it as I suspect this is just an excuse to force you to have a relationship with them? I know it feels like you would be losing someone if you go no/low contact with your sister, but this woman has shown she has no respect for your wishes, and remember that her relationship with your
    via u/FuckUGalen
  • 08
    Font - OriginalMisphit · 17h Partassipant [1] NTA. Sister wants you to be unhappy so she can pretend she doesn't know you are unhappy.
    via u/OriginalMisphit
  • 09
    Human body - Majo1118 · 17h NTA. But I think you should reaaaally re think your relationship with your sister, she has demostrated you that even knowing what your parents have done to you, she doesn't care. Best wishes OP and I hope your pregnancy turns out fine
    via u/Majo1118
  • 10
    Font - yokaihoe · 17h NTA. good for you for standing your ground.
    via u/yokaihoe
  • 11
    Font - theoreticalsandmore · 17h Partassipant [2] NTA- family issues aside, you are under no obligation to share your party with anyone. You are having a baby, starting a huge new chapter in your life. You deserve to be showered and have the attention all on you (and your spouse and baby) for one day.
    via u/theoreticalsandmore
  • 12
    Rectangle - Murghana · 17h Partassipant [4] NTA. I get your trauma, what your parents did to you was very unfair and neglectful. But above all this, you have the right to choose if you want to do something with her or not. It's your choice, she needs to accept your position and go on with her baby shower.
    via u/Murghana

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