Man Gets Cold Feet After IVF Treatments With Wife - Wants To Leave It All

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  • 01
    Organism - r/relationship_advice Me (31M) and my wife (36F) having a baby and every inch of my body is wanting to walk out
  • 02
    Font - My wife is pregnant. She is desperate to have a baby. She said her time is running out. She would never be complete if she didn't have children. I love her so I thought I must do this for her. We went through IVF and I should've known what I was getting into. But it's real now. I am panicking.
  • 03
    Font - I am not sure if I even want children. I genuinely don't know what I've done. I don't know what I will do. I don't want to be that guy who just disappears. What can I read/study to figure out my feelings? Is this just panic? Is my life over?
  • 04
    Font - /u/nuttynutdude 1847 points You're panicking because of this huge life change. Sit down and talk it out with someone, could be your wife, your parents, a friend who had a kid, a therapist, a doctor, etc. Best thing to do is get yourself in the right headspace and think things through without the huge weight of a kid on your mind.
  • 05
    Font - /u/karnasaurus 252 points I can relate. I panicked hard when I found out my wife was pregnant. You feel that sense of responsibility deep down and you know that life will never be the same. A part of me really didn't like that feeling and resisted it. It felt almost like grieving for the loss of my old life. Once the boy was born it became by far the best thing that has happened to me and I feel incredibly lucky. I'm hoping that you will have the same experience.
  • 06
    Font - /u/GetOffMyLawn1975 310 points It's going to be OK, man. You can do this.I don't say this as some trite Internet quote, I mean it; you can do this. I've seen the stupidest, most incapable sacks of crap pull themselves together and become great fathers. I've also seen it go completely the opposite way. It all hinges on your mindset and the role you choose to play. Step up and provide emotionally & physically, and you have a better chance at succeeding. Take the victim role & pine away for
  • 07
    Font - /u/GetOffMyLawn1975 310 points What I didn't expect was how deeply I would love my daughter. It changed my whole world for the better. For you, it's too late to back out at this point. You have to make the conscious decision to do what's right for those you love, which includes your unborn child. Your life will change, it will forever be different. This can either be a horible thing or an amazing thing, and it all depends on you. You have to put yourself in the mindset of the provider now
  • 08
    Font - /u/Calandra205 206 points Honestly, the time to talk all this through was before IVF, as I'm sure you realise. Is this something you've been feeling all along and suppressed, or is it something that's come on more suddenly now everything has become more real? If it's the latter, this may be a temporary panic which will wind down on its own, but if it's the former, you have a lot of work to do on your communication to make your upcoming parenting relationship work (and you are a parent at

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