Dad Demands Participation Ribbon For His "Loser" Son, Gets Exactly What He Asked For

Brad Dickson • Managing Editor

Aug 31, 2022 10:00 AM EDT

Ask, and you shall receive! Just beware that the Monkey's Paw doesn't curl into a fist and smack you right on your entitled behind.

That's what happened to Greg's dear old dad when he demanded a participation ribbon from Greg's karate instructor. It's an age-old rule that martial arts instructors are not people to be trifled with, but clearly, that's a lesson that Greg's dad never learned. He must have missed out on the cultural masterpiece that was American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt. So, when he grew aggressive with his entitled behavior, the instructor gave him exactly what he asked for.

After all, martial arts instructors have fists of hardened steel that are registered weapons of the FBI.

In today's world, Greg's mom would be on Twitter trying to get Greg's instructor canceled for being insensitive to the losing kids. The instructor, meanwhile, would have thinly veiled political rhetoric and images of the Punisher logo sprinkled all over his profile.

I love the idea of a loser ribbon, I feel like if I had received a few of those, I might have been spurred into more motivated adolescence. That, or caved to the increased weight of expectation. Who's to say? Either way, this is a glorious act of martial malicious compliance.

Oh, and before people complain about my amalgamation of references to different martial arts genres, arts, styles (or whatever they're called) these things mean nothing to me, and as far as I can tell they're all the same. Except for that one where you pretty much just hug each other in different ways the whole time, that one's kinda weird.