Son Disparages Mom in Social Media Post, Dad Undermines Wife and Refuses to Make Him Take it Down

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    Font - AITA for not making my son remove a social media post disparaging my wife? My wife and I are both in our mid 30s and have a 14 year old son. I've been a stay at home dad all his life while my wife has been more hands off due to a somewhat demanding job. Still, some basic facts that anyone with even a surface level knowledge of our kid knows is that he's a good boy: he gets great grades and is well behaved. He's maybe a little spoiled, but aren't they all? My point is, I have rarely had to
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    Font - I have a long-time friend who plays in a decently popular local band. He's a father figure to my son and they also have a very close bond thanks to similar interests. My son has always been the artsy type and he's so excited when Friend comes over because it means he can show him the latest guitar he's added to his collection or a new riff he's learned. During Friend's recent visit, he mentioned going on tour soon and my son was intrigued. After pressing for details, he came to me later a
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    Font - I reached out to Friend for his thoughts, and he was all for it. I figured he wouldn't mind since he has a son around my kid's age who goes on tour with him occasionally (another thing my son had mentioned while pleading his case to me.) I asked my wife and after a very brief conversation, she agreed. Fast forward to the beginning of last week when he got packed up and set to leave. My wife asked where he was going, I reminded her, and she said she thought I was joking. I had no idea what
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    Font - When he arrived home yesterday, I had never seen him so happy. He got to help the roadies set up for the shows, he got let into bars (he intentionally didn't wash off one of the X's on the back of his hands just so he could come home with it and show me), and Friend was singing his praises over how helpful he was. A few hours later, my son made a social media post compiling photos from his time on tour. The caption was a long one but included such gems as "this almost didn't happen, thank
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    Font - This led to a pretty big argument where my wife, upon being alerted to the post's existence, demanded he take it down. He refused, so she turned to me and asked me to talk to him. I refused. I told her that while I didn't think what he was doing was right, it was clearly coming from somewhere. And that somewhere was a place in which he was feeling unheard and ignored by her. She's been ignoring me since. AITA?
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    Font - EDIT: To answer a question/comment I see commonly coming up: I am not encouraging my son to air our dirty laundry on social media. I just don't think the first move should be to tell him to delete it when there is clearly legitimate hurt motivating what he's saying. We're the parents, we can't move on impulse based on our feelings. It might be the gut reaction to ask him to delete them, but instead I want us to take a pause and come to him with empathy and understanding where we discuss t
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    Font - EDIT 2: Please save your "Get a job" comments. I plan to once my son gets his license. However, even if I didn't plan on rejoining the workforce, there is nothing wrong with former SAHPS who choose to be homemakers. My wife and I mutually agreed on this dynamic and she very much prefers working. This is not a productive addition to the conversation.
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    Font - Key-Bit1208 23 2 Certified Proctologist [25] 12 hr. ago Of course your wife is ignoring you...you're supporting your son publicly disrespecting your wife because of a simple misunderstanding between you two about the tour. Your son is 14...yes, there will be plenty of times where he's upset with either of you and will want to vent. But you just told him that it's ok to passive aggressively post those emotional and hurtful words publicly. You just supported him in hurting your wife instead
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    Font - harleyquinnmeg. 11 hr. ago This!! I 100% agree with this! Reply Share 1.6k Professional_Ad9013. 11 hr. ago Aushole Enthusiast [8] Me, too. It's important for parents to back each other up. If this guy keeps up the 'you and me against mean old Mom' act, he's going to destroy his own marriage. 1.5k Reply Share
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    Font - Imaginary-Being-6687. 11 hr. ago Hard disagree. My dad ignored me and treated me like a second thought my whole life. If he did pay attention to me it was being told no it getting scolded. Every time my mom just backed him up it made me think I deserved to be treated like that. Parents should not always back up the other. That's a toxic mindset. 1.5k Reply Share
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    Font - Nericmitch 9 hr. ago There is a difference here since the son was calling out the mother for being responsible and not wanting to send a 14 year old on a rock tour and that upset the son since she was being a responsible parent instead of trying to be the sons friend 754 Reply
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    Font - snoogamssf 8 hr. ago No, the son is calling out the mother for backpedaling and lying. There is a HUGE difference than "being responsible." The kid was under adult supervision and learned valuable life skills. 478 Reply
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    Font - Nericmitch. 8 hr. ago A 14 year old should not be in bars... partying at 14 is not a life skill 4774 774 Reply
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    Font - Obiterdicta 7 hr. ago Judge, Jury, ... How do you know she was backpedaling and lying? It seems perfectly reasonable she thought he was joking given this isn't a trip most people would send their 14 year old on. 415 Reply
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    Font - random_gen645. 5 hr. ago I do have to question the mother in this a bit. The kid was clearly excited about this for some time (from the post, sounds like days or weeks). I'd imagine he talked about it a lot. How absent is she, that she didn't notice until shortly before he was about to leave? 304 Reply
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    Font - goforbroke432. 4 hr. ago This! I'm astounded that the dad would have considered this. As a musician, I can tell you there is no way I'd have brought a 14-year old on tour with me, and my genre is fairly tame. I've been lucky enough to only have to deal with annoying drunks. I've heard plenty of stories of assaults and thefts while on the road. Unless OP's friend is on the level of Harry Styles and has a security crew, OP should think more like a dad and less like his son's cool friend. 14
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    Font - Anomalyyyyyyyyy 4 hr. ago Teenagers always think their parents don't care about them. Especially when said parents won't let them do what they want. ↑ 116 ↓ Reply
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    Font - 179 Key-Bit1208 11 hr. ago 2 Certified Proctologist [25] The whole family needs to go to therapy. Mom is the sole breadwinner at a demanding career and hasn't connected with her son. She also has a spouse who admittedly spoils the son and undermines his wife and encourages the son to disparage his mom. And OP clearly has some feelings to work through about his wife being the sole breadwinner and why he feels the need to encourage the disrespect from the son towards mom. 865 Reply Share

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