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Fresh Tweets From People Who Are Pretty Good at Tweeting (December 17, 2022)

We believe that wasting time should be a simple endeavor.  The sad truth is that time passes by all too quickly. Even though humans today have a zillion different technologies, apps, and streaming services to help us procrastinate and while away the hours, there are still road blocks that keep us from making the most of our free time. While sometimes the roadblocks come in the form of a crappy internet connection or a dead phone, more often than not we're simply blessed with the kinds content that we either hate or simply couldn't care less about. Twitter is one of our favorite ways to scroll ourselves into oblivion, but, as we've discussed at length in the past, it still means having to scroll past a ton of horrible takes, stupid sentiments, and, worst of all, the embarrassing political diatribes. To prevent you from falling to the same unpleasant fate, we've collected another big batch of fresh tweets without all the dumb stuff. It's the least we can do for our internet friends. 


 

Posted by Ada Elder
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  • 1
    Font - TEXAS RAM 25 Jay Arnold @CoachJayArnold Taco Bell is the only fast food place I roll up to with no ordering game plan. I just let the menu speak to me. The Bell will tell me what I need. My mouth may be moving but I am just the instrument of a supreme design. 12:38 PM 12/15/22 2,315 Retweets 208 Quote Tweets 21.7K Likes
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  • 2
    Font - Sophie Vershbow @svershbow My parents and I live in the same city and hire the same cleaning person and this morning she told me that my dog understands Spanish but my parents' dog does not. 9:45 AM 12/15/22 534 Retweets 40 Quote Tweets 30.8K Likes
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  • 3
    Font - elena @ElenaBjxrn I just remembered the time I went on a first date to London Zoo and at the gate he asked if I would mind paying for my own ticket, which I said I would, at which point he pulled out a 2-for-1 voucher, so I paid for my ticket and he went in for free. 7:24 AM 12/13/22 TweetDeck 3,594 Retweets 1,723 Quote Tweets 106K Likes
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  • 4
    Font - benjamjn @kylie_gender Scrolling through Venmo looking at all the couples that charge each other money 2:31 PM 12/12/22 Twitter for iPhone 3,722 Retweets 823 Quote Tweets 62.9K Likes
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  • 5
    Hand - morgan sung @morgan_sung there's this person on tiktok kicking a rock every day until it turns into a sphere, and it's actually working. they've been doing this for 19 days straight now. i am so invested in this saga. - a lot of fresh wear -sphere rating: 2/10 ALT sphere rating 2 out of 10. black and white is fresh wear, green/brown is untouched 4:48 PM 12/13/22 32.2K 560 1395 cool white ring -rogue kicks into snow are dangerous for losing it -sphere rating: 6/10 ALT 3,173 Retweets 221 Qu
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  • 6
    Line - cladee @hanfjob say your prayers try guys 2DArray @2DArray . 4/28/21 when you need to shoot exactly four evenly- spaced dudes Show this thread 2:06 AM 12/14/22 . 2,092 Retweets 18 Quote Tweets 50.5K Likes
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  • 7
    Product - mount bellyache @mountbellyache all her new rules and she ends up dating jack harlow Imao CONSEQUENCE @consequence.1d Dua Lipa is now dating "Dua Lipa" rapper Jack Harlow: cos.lv/FbpY50M29zV 12:42 PM 12/13/22 Twitter for iPhone . 5,128 Retweets 250 Quote Tweets 125K Likes ...
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  • 8
    Font - Carl Kinsella @TVsCarlKinsella WATERGATE GUY: you need to make sure my identity stays a secret WOODWARD AND BERNSTEIN: that's fine we'll just use a codename. WATERGATE GUY: oh yeah like what? WOODWARD AND BERNSTEIN: oh just something normal 4:58 PM - 12/12/22 Twitter Web App 1,675 Retweets 38 Quote Tweets 17.7K Likes
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  • 9
    Font - naz @naziaxb my mum said that im not allowed to go work tomorrow because of the snow so im gonna call my manager tomorrow and tell him my mum said no 5:50 PM 12/11/22 Twitter for iPhone . 5,239 Retweets 331 Quote Tweets 108K Likes
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  • 10
    Font - Norway MFA @NorwayMFA Norwegian government organization Dear @TwitterSupport, as much as we enjoy our excellent bilateral relations and close alphabetical vicinity with Nigeria, we would much appreciate if you could label us as Norway P.S. That also goes for Prime Minister @jonasgahrstore and Foreign Minister @AHuitfeldt B Norway MFA @NorwayMFA Rediger profil ... Nigeria government organization Norwegian Ministry of Foreign Affairs official Twitter profile in English. In Norwegian: @Utenr
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  • 11
    Nature - nocontroller @rellortnocon I had no idea they had beef Terrible Maps @TerribleMaps. 2d Australia vs Pluto 9:40 PM 12/11/22 Twitter for iPhone . 10.5K Retweets 68 Quote Tweets 137K Likes
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  • 12
    Product - Nando @NandovMovies The most realistic thing in the MCU is that fifteen years later, he still hasn't made the jet. I've got an idea for an electric jet. You do? Then we'll make it work. 5:21 PM 12/12/22 Twitter for Android . . ... 3,014 Retweets 84 Quote Tweets 73.8K Likes
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  • 13
    Font - Jessica Ellis @baddestmamajama Very weird that HBO has pivoted from making television to pissing people off 6:55 PM 12/12/22 Twitter Web App 1,205 Retweets 37 Quote Tweets 19K Likes Q (→ . Jessica Ellis @baddestmamaj... · 17h Replying to @baddestmamajama "Instead of making more content, what if we tried destroying some?" - someone with an MBA, no question 6 1 68 1,529
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  • 14
    Font - PYPER @badbbyaera Me when my man asks me to keep him alive in COD while he uses the bathroom 10:36 AM 12/13/22 Twitter for iPhone . 14.1K Retweets 2,826 Quote Tweets 153K Likes
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  • 15
    Font - Jennii @hashjenni .... dating a skinny guy cool until you roll down the window on the freeway and he fly out like a mcdonald's napkin 12:47 PM 12/13/22 Twitter for Android 6,890 Retweets 1,637 Quote Tweets 96.7K Likes
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  • 16
    Font - Zack Budryk @BudrykZack You do not under any circumstances gotta hand it to Mark Zuckerberg but I find myself appreciating how he sort of experimented with trying to be liked and just decided it was too much work 5:14 PM 12/13/22 Twitter Web App . . 484 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 10.7K Likes
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  • 17
    Font - Robert Chapman @DrRJChapman My impression is that many students who are taught about freud today come away thinking he was just some weird guy obsessed with sex whose ideas are no longer relevant. This is sad because imo he was a weird guy obsessed with sex whose ideas are extremely relevant. 6:36 AM 12/12/22 Twitter for Android . 640 Retweets 82 Quote Tweets 12.9K Likes
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  • 18
    Font - WIKIPEDIA The Free Encyclopedia depths of wikipedia @depthsofwiki couldn't remember what the p in "pH" stood for but it's okay because nobody does pH From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia The exact meaning of the letter p in "pH" is disputed, as Sørensen did not explain why he used it.[6] 1:57 PM 12/13/22 Twitter Web App . . 3,643 Retweets 315 Quote Tweets 64.8K Likes
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  • 19
    Human - first-mate prance @bocxtop no way they made me the face of not working Imfaooooo = FORTUNE Most Popular Elon Musk gave $5.7 billion to charity last year. Where the money went was a mystery-until now SEARCH SUCCESS CLIMATE CHANGE Gen Z's antiwork mentality has a lot to do with the 'world crumbling' around them Climate change is driving Gen Z's antiwork mentality. BY CHLOE BERGER December 09, 2022 11:28 AM EST
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  • 20
    Font - Indy @IndecisiveJones [crayon conference] red: we should start by introducing ourselves, i'm red yellow: i'm yellow green: i'm green blue: *deep breath* 2:45 PM 12/13/22 Twitter for iPhone 27 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 179 Likes
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  • 21
    Font - Tia @SkrrtOnTia Hannah Montana lucky I wasn't living in her hometown. I was gon sell her secret to TMZ for 10k. 8:04 PM 12/11/22 Twitter for iPhone 9,545 Retweets 405 Quote Tweets 92.5K Likes
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  • 22
    Font - Emily January @JanuaryEmily WILL SOMEBODY TELL ALL OF THE U.S. COLLEGE STUDENTS THAT PERIODS GO INSIDE OF QUOTATION MARKS (in general)? THEY AREN'T LISTENING TO ME! 12:19 PM 12/14/22 . 550 Retweets 269 Quote Tweets 10.4K Likes
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  • 23
    Font - Maggie Levin @MaggieLevin BREAKING: HBO Max removes ENTOURAGE: THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON boxed set from the back of your closet and throws it in the ocean. 11:08 PM 12/12/22 1,103 Retweets 58 Quote Tweets 20.5K Likes
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  • 24
    Font - Sam Stryker @sbstryker Cities should have to bid to host the next season of The White Lotus like the Olympics 6:22 PM 12/11/22 Twitter for iPhone 13.1K Retweets 720 Quote Tweets 100K Likes
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  • 25
    Font - lee @leelambia *getting jumped by 2 nonbinary people* im fighting Tooth and Nail over here 11:46 PM 12/12/22 Twitter for iPhone 5,635 Retweets 112 Quote Tweets 47.1K Likes
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  • 26
    Font - Stacy's Dark Queery Tales @DarkLiterata holy infant so tender and mild implies the existence of a cursed infant so chewy and spicy 12:40 PM - 12/13/22 Twitter Web App 16.7K Retweets 704 Quote Tweets 119K Likes
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  • 27
    Jaw - matt romey (husband, friend) @mattromney2016 anybody know where those eight maids be milkin 3:12 PM 12/14/22 1,874 Retweets 21 Quote Tweets 20.2K Likes
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  • 28
    Amber - me checking on my pizza rolls in the air fryer at 2am Oppenheimer @OppenheimerFilm - 1d A film by Christopher Nolan. In theaters 7 21 23. #Oppenheimer A FILM BY CHRISTOPHER NOLAN ΟΡΡΕΝΗΕΙΜΕR
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  • 29
    Jaw - Big Boy Online (6'3 215) @idonotbleed (first day as a couples counselor) is this guy bothering you 7:25 PM 12/14/22 . 2,255 Retweets 23 Quote Tweets 19.9K Likes
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  • 30
    Font - -1-2020) opposite tio? Lex Fridman @lexfridman I have over 200 chrome tabs open, and I refuse to close them even though my returning to any of them has a probability of exactly 0% 4:21 AM 12/15/22 . 3,143 Retweets 691 Quote Tweets 42.6K Likes ...
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  • 31
    Font - Danya™ @fineanddanya In high school I asked my French teacher. What is the word for a Bigfoot type cryptid was in French and she very quickly said, "the French have no concept of this." 3:55 AM 12/15/22 ... 1,029 Retweets 101 Quote Tweets 15.2K Likes
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  • 32
    Font - Bobby C @Bobby_Condon in 3rd grade we had a prison guard do a "scared straight" speech and we asked what the prisoners ate. he said "nothing good-mcdonald's burgers" and when he saw our faces light up, he said "ya but imagine that 3 times a week..." that was when he lost control of the room 10:28 PM 12/14/22 . 2,080 Retweets 113 Quote Tweets 38.5K Likes
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  • 33
    Font - charlie @chunkbardey having lentil soup for dinner is funny cuz then two hours later it's like ok so now let's figure out what's REALLY for dinner 1:11 AM 12/14/22 . ... 1,642 Retweets 326 Quote Tweets 44.2K Likes
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