'[He] deserves a life of his own': Unhinged Dad refuses to let fully grown son leave the house, Mom saves the day

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    Font - "I found out that my husband was behind all the job applications being canceled."
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    Font - AITA for moving my son into a rental apartment after finding out that his dad's been cancelling his job applications? My son "Aiden" (23) moved back in with us upon graduating college as my husband wanted. My husband's original plan was to have Aiden live with us for free, but stay home and help with his disabled younger brother (16). Aident started complaining about needing money and wanted to find a job. My husband was against this and even offered to double his allowance but Aiden was
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    Font - So he began looking for jobs here and there for over a year but non of his job applications came through. He'd just apply and they never get back to him. We were confused by this til recently, I found out that my husband was behind all the job applications being cancelled. He'd wait tol Aiden applies then he proceeds to cancel the application by impersonating him and using his email. I blew up at him for this but his justification is that he's just trying to make sure that our younger son
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    Font - My husband was livid when he found out. He called me unhinged and said that I was separating the boys and teaching Aiden to become selfish and care more about a job than family. He also said it was huge decision for me to rent an apartment without even running it with him. He's been giving me about it and is calling me a terrible mother for encouraging Aiden to be selfish and selfcentered. He said I needed to see and understand why he did what he did.
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    Font - [Edit] few things to mention: (1) My husband says that since he and I have health issues then we could use Aiden's help. (2) When I suggested outside help, my husband refused saying he won't ask anything if anybody and that his son is his problem and no body else's. (3) I used money from our joint account to pay for the rental apartment. My husband said it was wrong and that it was a major waste of money since we deal with medical bills consistenly.
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    Font - SlinkyMalinky20 - 2 hr. ago NTA. Your husband is abusive to Aiden and honestly, creepy in his manipulations and insistence on Aiden being Dobby the house elf. 6.7k Reply Share
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    Font - i-smell_like_beeef. 2 hr. ago Dobby the House Elf. I just watched the movie where he gets gifted the sock last night!-- the apartment is essentially the sock! 1.1k Reply Share
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    Font - Winter-Travel5749 2 hr. ago Your husband is a horrible, emotionally abusive, manipulating, insensitive, for a father and husband. I think you all need to get away from him. NTA 3.2k excuse Reply Share
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    Font - Spare-Article-396 - 2 hr. ago Pooperintendant [57] NTA. A 23 year old cannot exist on 'allowance' and he's not a defacto caretaker. Your husband seems unhinged. You did the right thing for your son. 1.9k Reply Share
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    Font - ThrowRA00924463 OP. 2 hr. ago You're right. His allowance wasn't enough even with my husband's offer to double it. It's not a solution. 840 Reply Share
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    Rectangle - Minute_Patient_8841. 2 hr. ago ΝΤΑ You are a great parent. YOur husband is an abusive AH. Get a divorce. 721 Reply Share
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    Font - Aware-Leather2428. 3 hr. ago NTA - but wtf. Your husband is deranged and you should leave him. Your older son has a degree, wants to work and be independent and your husband is gaslighting him to try to keep him around to support his younger disabled brother? The emotional manipulation is strong with him and I'd be concerned about what he's capable of. 567 Reply Share
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    Font - realstareyes 3 hr. ago NTA. Your husband is a huge AH and absolutely toxic. He exploits Aiden as a caretaker and deliberately ruins his own future and opportunities. The only one who is selfish and irresponsible is your husband, and clearly NOT Aiden. Do whatever you need to do in order to protect your son and don't let your husband exploit and parentify him further. 401 Reply Share
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    Font - Rude_Vermicelli2268- 2 hr. ago NTA Your husband is crazy. It's not Aiden's responsibility to care for his disabled brother at the at the expense of his own life. You and your husband need to look into long-term care options for your disabled son. In the meantime thank you so much for being a caring, concerned mother and looking out for Aiden's best interests 281 Reply Share
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    Font - ThrowRA00924463 OP. 2 hr. ago He had no idea his dad was doing what he was doing. Otherwise he would've changed the whole email not just the password. 194 Reply Share
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    Font - bizianka 2 hr. ago NTA. Aiden deserves to have a life of his own. You and your husband need to find a better plan to take care of your youngest. What if Aiden meets somebody and wants to start his independent life, what next? Your husband will contact his SO to ruin relationship? 228 Reply Share
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    Font - ThrowRA00924463 OP. 2 hr. ago Thank you for your input. Moreover, my husband is now refusing to even let Aiden visit his brother. He says that he either moves back in or he's not allowed to see his brother. I don't know if he means it since he tends to say lots of stuff he doesn't mean when angry and apologizes for it later. 158 Reply Share

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