Commitment-Phobe Refuses to Marry Girlfriend, Loses It When She Gets Engaged to His Friend

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 11, 2023 12:00 PM EDT

There are many reasons that romantic relationships can be daunting, and near the top of the list is commitment. We expect friends and acquaintances to come and go, but that person you professed your undying love for? You have to stick around and prove that. 

It's fair to say that things like marriage or starting a family are something that we should think about before we decide to do it. However, it's also important that a couple are on the same page about these topics. Differences over these big life choices have been the downfall of many a relationship, but u/smri40 clearly didn't realize how much this would backfire for him.

Describing on Reddit how he had broken up with his girlfriend because she had always wanted to reach milestones that he wasn't ready for, he proceeded to be upset when she eventually got engaged to one of his friends. Asking if he had been right to express his displeasure in a comment under their Instagram announcement, Redditors weren't so sure. The whole story gives another a-hole dimension to the one who got away. 

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  • 01
    Font - SPX r/AmltheAhole • 1 hr. ago Posted by smri40 AITA for expressing my anger that my ex and friend got engaged? My ex and I dated for 3 years. She was a nice girl and our relationship was great except for her wanting to marry and have kids and me being on the fence about it. I don't want to marry but I did want kids and I told her I wasn't ready. One day she asked me if I was going to marry her and I told her I wanted more time and I was still young (was 27 at the time) and she said ok let
    via smri40
  • 02
    Font - One of my closest friends and her got together 2 months later and it felt like a betrayal because he wants I had been friends since high school. I was p ssed but pretended to be happy for them but told my friend I'm private I don't approve of the relationship. He told me I wouldn't marry the girl and he wanted to marry and have kids so I had my chance. They dated for 2 years and on Christmas they got engaged. I was pretty p ssed and commented on the IG post of them getting engaged that th
    via smri40
  • 03
    Font - MrNathanPride 2d Partassipant [2] S 5 Awards YTA, it's like a wise philosopher once said "if you like it you better put a ring on it". : Reply 46.5k ↓
    via MrNathanPride
  • 04
    Font - vo afresh18 2d This. Like how much longer do you think was reasonable to wait op? You guys had already been together longer than your friend and ex have been. Do you think that because she was willing to wait 3 years that means she owed it to you to stay another 3? Then what? You'd have allowed her to leave and find someone else cause you aren't ready? Cause I'm pretty sure you'd have just kept spinning the "I'm not ready" for at least another decade if you ever even actually did it. If y
    via afresh18
  • 05
    Organism - Eins Two 2d Certified Proctologist [29] forcing me to decide when most people don't get engaged in 3 years is also pretty sh tty. I wonder what the stats are on this. When you're 18, sure, 3 years might not be a long enough time. But they were 27 for Pete's sake! Three years is plenty of time to sh t or get off the pot at that age.
    via EinsTwo
  • 06
    Font - something202020 2d YTA get over yourself, she wants a family, you dont, you arent ready, looks like your friend and she is, YTA all day long no ones betrayed you, shes not your property nor does she limited by who she dates
    via something202020
  • 07
    Font - allison375962 2d 1 Award This. It wasn't her job to put her life on hold until you were "ready" on an unknowable date in the future. D Good for her. The number of friends I've had waste the better part of decade waiting for wishy washy men contort themselves into knots over whether they would deign to commit themselves to the woman who faithfully stood by their sides is sickening. She was right to pull the plug and move on with her life. FYI to all the women reading this who are similar s
    via allison375962
  • 08
    Font - Cayke_Cooky 2d I know one who married the guy, he strung her along waiting for kids for a few more years. She ended up divorcing him and is struggling with fertility issues in her early 40s now.
    via Cayke_Cooky
  • 09
    Font - Comprehensive-Sea-63 2d Also, "most" people don't get engaged in 3 years? Lol. Look it's fine if you weren't ready to get married but totally valid for her to feel like if you're not ready after 3 years at age 27 then you're not going to be. She wants kids and who knows when OP will be "ready."
    via Comprehensive-Sea-63
  • 10
    Font - TheDreadPirateJeff 2d Professor Emeritass [85] YTA - what do you have to be angry over? Where did they betray you? She WANTED to marry you, you just wanted to keep her hanging on. She was ready, she wanted to move on with her life, and she did. That's what happens. You two weren't on the same page so she moved on to someone who was on the same page. Your friend is right. You didn't want to give her the life she wanted, he did. The only person you have to be angry at is yourself.
    via TheDreadPirateJeff
  • 11
    Font - NextWelder4653 2d I had an ex just like this, I wanted to marry him, but he didn't wanna get married. Then he got mad when I finally moved on and married someone who saw my worth. I think OP is actually mad that she didn't stick around like he thought she would.
    via NextWelder4653
  • 12
    Sky - idpickpizzaoveryou 2d YTA bro. Posting that on their engagement photo is some incel troll type sh t. Get over her.
    via idpickpizzaoveryou
  • 13
    Font - quackerjacks45 2d Kudos to this girl for knowing what she wanted and dumping you. Three years is plenty of time to know if they're the right person. You wanted to wait? Cool, she didn't. You don't get to whine because people are more decisive than you. They obviously didn't value the relationship with you more than their relationship with each other. Time to move on. YTA.
    via quackerjacks45
  • 14
    Font - Shannaro21 2d Partassipant [3] YTA. You DID string her along. You knew what she wanted. You don't have any say about her life anymore.
    via Shannaro21
  • 15
    Font - BookLuvr7 2d A shole Aficionado [15] YTA. You don't own people. A woman's fertility and chances of having healthy children go down after 30 and especially after 35. You were wasting her time. Now you're mad because they're pursuing their life goals while you're not? Grow up. They don't need your approval or permission. It sounds like you need to focus on your own life and goals and to try to not be so selfish, especially of other people's time. I wish you good luck, but I really don't bla
    via BookLuvr7
  • 16
    Font - YTA starbright234 2d A shole Aficionado [10] If you weren't ready to marry her and felt like you needed more time dating her from 24-27, then there were issues in your relationship you weren't really to really admit to yourself. She's allowed to move with whoever she wants. Your opinion really doesn't matter. They're still engaged and getting married and have lost some weight.
    via starbright234
  • 17
    Font - nuggets256 2d A shole Enthusiast [7] YTA grow up, don't handle stuff like this on social media, handle it in therapy. 27 is plenty old enough to put on big boy pants
    via nuggets256
  • 18
    Font - SpareCharacter4863 2d YTA. Plenty of people get engaged within 3 years in adulthood, you thinking that's too fast is just an excuse because you didn't want to. She was right, you didn't want marriage, she did. You weren't brave enough to face up this big incompatibility and she was. She's found happiness and you need to move on. It's been 2 years.
    via SpareCharacter4863
  • 19
    Font - hollye83 2d YTA. I get it if you don't love that your ex got with your friend, but if that's the case, block them both, pretend they don't exist and move on with your life. Don't comment on their posts like a child.
    via hollye83
  • 20
    Font - YTA Impossible-Peach-985 2d What are you mad for? Your ex was clear with her expectations and you two didn't see eye to eye about the future. So after 3 years she finally realized that she couldn't have the future she wanted if she continued to date you. That's not pressuring and again she gave you 3 years to decide what you wanted.
    via Impossible-Peach-985
  • 21
    Font - sjpaddy 2d YTA. Why are you concerned? It's not your relationship anymore. Your time was done two years ago.
    via sjpaddy

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aita marriage kids marriage proposal romance relationships engaged love family engagement Reddit children
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