'Some people might not think it was purely platonic': Married guy goes off the grid once a year with his friend, wife gets enraged

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Jan 28, 2023 8:00 AM EST

This guy tried to paint his wife as annoying, but the truth came out in the comments. This thread was posted to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole subreddit by u/Remarkable-Use-8439, who shared that he and his male friend have been going on a phones-free vacation once a year for over a decade. His wife seemed comfortable with this, but now that they are married and living together, she became annoyed that he was difficult to reach.

 

That's the story this Redditor tried to tell, but what actually was going on here was much more questionable. OP revealed in the comments section that he and his friend had been intimate before back in their college days and implied that their relationship might not be purely platonic. So while in theory, he's not the AH for wanting to have a weekend off the grid with his friend, in reality, this was clearly a relationship that made his wife uncomfortable. Sounds like there's a lot of self-discovery this guy needs to explore.

 

Keep scrolling below for the full story. For more, check out this post about a woman who got herself suspended at work and made things even worse for herself.

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  • 02
    Font - AITA for missing an actual emergency because I turned off my phone to avoid my wife's unnecessary contact attempts during my tech- free weekend? My best friend (31m) and I (27m) have a tradition of taking a yearly weekend trip together that's phone-free. We've been doing this for a decade now. These weekend trips consist of us staying in a suite and exploring the city, not traversing the wilderness so it's not like we're completely disconnected. Still, we liked to keep one on hand for nav
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  • 03
    Font - Friend and I left for our trip this year two Fridays ago to make use of the long weekend. This was the first time I've gone one on of these trips since my wife and I moved in together, got engaged, or got married. However, we were dating for the last two years worth of trips (2021 and 2022), and she seemed fine during that time. I would just tell her I was going to be busy for the weekend and she'd leave me alone.
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  • 04
    Font - I understand that there are different expectations once you get married, but I didn't expect for the 180 in behavior. My wife all but demanded I take my phone as well in case she needed to get ahold of me despite her having Friend's number. I let her know I had arrived and immediately after that she was texting me and asking me how things were. Then again, asking me another question when I didn't respond to the first one. I eventually muted our text conversation because I was sick of the
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  • 05
    Font - She called me a few hours later and asked why I wasn't responding to her texts. I reiterated that this was supposed to be a no phone weekend and kept the call short despite her trying to drag out the conversation. She called me once more after this. When I answered and found out it wasn't an emergency, I simply turned off my phone. The calls then started coming in for my friend and he followed suit. We spent the rest of the weekend with our phones off until the drive back on Monday.
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  • 06
    Font - I called my wife and informed her when we were about 30 minutes away from my place and she was furious. She said that there ended up being an emergency (her sister got into a car accident that won't affect her long-term, but still resulted in broken bones) and that I had just ignored her the entire time when she 'needed me.' I told her that I was very sorry to hear about her sister, but it wasn't my fault she had essentially forced my hand into cutting off means of communication. She went
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  • 07
    Font - eleanor-rigby-· 14 hr. ago & 2 More NTA her sister getting into what sounds like a relatively minor car accident is not an emergency. This is beyond ridiculous. How is it different from you being in another country and having no service or something? People are allowed to still live their lives despite being married, you're not tethered to your spouse. 18.2k Reply Sha
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  • 08
    Font - ParsimoniousSalad. 14 hr. ago edited 7 hr. ago Sultan of Sphincter [717] NTA. I have the odd feeling that she almost wanted there to be an actual emergency so she could feel justified in bothering, and might have created one if it didn't occur naturally. She desperately doesn't want you away from her. You'll need to have a serious conversation about that. EDIT: apparently OP buried some key details in comments too, so it sounds like his wife needs to have a serious conversation with HIM a
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  • 09
    Font - TallButShort9. 12 hr. ag • edited 11 hr. ago OP in his comments about his relationship with his friend: "Some people might not think it was purely platonic, but I wouldn't say anything explicitly sexual happened." People are allowed to still live their lives despite being married but having these "non- negotiable" trips with your not purely platonic friend is a different story. YTA OP. Your wife clearly has a reason to be insecure in your marriage. ETA: Thank you for the awards! :) 3.8k R
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  • 10
    Font - ckb251 11 hr. ago edited 3 hr. ago Partassipant [1] Wait till you read the brand new ones: "Some people consider sharing a bedroom a non platonic thing to do, which is something we did. It's all based on your boundaries. I think the easy familiarity and intimacy that comes with sharing a home and a routine with someone feels inherently deeper than friendship to me. For others, it might not. For some, it might be a deal breaker altogether. Does that answer your question?"
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  • 11
    Font - "We shared a bed when we lived together and because of the closet quarters we lived in, we shared a routine. A lot of the little traditions we have with people, even something as simple as setting aside a specific time every week to watch a show with them you don't watch with anyone else or dinner making rituals you might have, bond us together more deeply than we might anticipate. Intentionally making space for someone in your life is powerful."
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  • 12
    Font - So is this a sibling-like intimacy? Or is it romantic and/or sexual? OPs answer: "No, I wouldn't call this sibling-like intimacy." Asked again, Would you call it romantic and/or sexual? OP's answer: "I'd call it nuanced. Multifaceted. Complicated. Not to be defined with one singular phrase." Asked if they've ever kissed or came close and if they ever cuddle or spoon, OPS answer: "Drunken college nights. Everyone has them. Lol." "He is one of the most joyous parts of my life. And the most
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  • 13
    Font - Little_Entrepreneur 15 hr. ago. edited 9 hr. ago Edit: now that OP has confirmed him and the friend have hooked up, I'm gunna have to go with YTA. Ehhhh, ESH while simultaneously being NAH. She's definitely in the wrong for blowing up your phone and it's just a weekend. If she was okay with it in the past, seems kind of odd she would be so upset over it...
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  • 14
    Font - but why does your trip need to be phone-free? Not judging but there's no real reason in the post to justify. If you carry a phone for emergencies and navigation, it's not phone-free anyway, you're just not using your phone constantly, which I would assume is a given for most people when they're travelling. You shouldn't be expected to drop everything and inconvenience your friend and the trip, but I don't understand what harm comes from being available? Like you even mentioned in the post
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  • 15
    Font - ParisThroughWindows. 10 hr. ago edited 1 hr. ago My guy. You buried the lede on this for FOUR HOURS. You shared an apartment AND A BED with your male "friend" for FIVE years. Coincidentally that year began immediately after the first of these annual trips. I'm assuming this is real but the Brokeback analogies are strong and the coyness raises my spidey sense.
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  • 16
    Font - If this had been a platonic relationship / roommate thing you would have had bunks a la Stepbrothers (leaving the garage available for karate) or one of you would have converted the living room into a makeshift bedroom. An 18 and 22 year old dude pair would want space to bring home a partner, even a hook up, unless their partner was at home.
    via u/Remarkable-Use-8439
  • 17
    Font - This was an unquestionably intimate (albeit not necessarily sexual) relationship that you've maintained in some form or fashion for a decade. To top it off, you take a special vacation every year. Whether you admit it or not, I'm sure you show not so subtle preference for your "friend" in a thousand ways, including your willingness to take phone calls at inappropriate times and your insistence on taking a "phone free" getaway. You claim your wife wouldn't want these things but it's unlike
    via u/Remarkable-Use-8439
  • 18
    Font - You implied that you went from casual dating to married and living together in the space between the 2022 trip and 2023 trip. That's a lot of relationship steps in 365 days. I can only imagine that there was an ultimatum of sorts from either your wife or parents - or some other threat that your world would be upended. Be honest with yourself and your wife. Even if you don't love your friend in a romantic way, you don't value your marriage. Unless it isn't abundantly clear - YTA.
    via u/Remarkable-Use-8439

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