Soon To Be Husband Proves He's Not Ready For Marriage As He Prioritizes To Comfort His Distressed Friend For Over A Year Than To Make His Fiancé Feel Safe & Secure In Their Relationship

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elina lee
Feb 25, 2023 1:00 PM EST

Let's face it, some guys just aren't cut out for marriage. They either cling to their mommies like they're still in diapers and sucking on pacifiers, completely unable to make one single decision without having talked to their mommy first. Or! They're forever stuck in their high school/college phase where every day was a day with the bros, his bestest friends in the world that he just can't seem to live a day without. 

If you ask us, avoid this red flag at all costs because if there's one thing about us it's that we'll never be caught chasing a man who has a tough time prioritizing us over his friends… and you shouldn't either. And you know what we say to all that? Their loss! If these boys would much rather be hanging out with their bros 24/7 then all power to them. But it's about time you see your worth and find someone who sees it too. 

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/holy__trust 11 hours ago 3 AITA for telling my fiancée that my friend's trauma is more important than her comfort?
    via u/holy__trust
  • 02
    Font - My best friend lost a parent a year and a half ago which led him to a mental health crisis. Our friend group has been picking up the pieces ever since. He's doing much better now that he's in therapy, but he's definitely gone through it.
    via u/holy__trust
  • 03
    Font - What has complicated matters worse is my fiancée. It goes without saying that I love her, but she is the definition of a busybody sometimes. My best friend is a very private person. She knows something happened with him, but she doesn't know the details of what that something is. She probably never will. But because she's around me and my friends often as we live in the same house, she hears bits and pieces of the story and presses for more information.
    via u/holy__trust
  • 04
    Font - I try to circumvent this as best as I can - for example, I step out of the room for specific phone conversations. But still, it's hard to limit the discussion about it sometimes. If it's necessary we bring it up and she's around in person, we'll refer to the 'Nolan situation' without giving specifics.
    via u/holy__trust
  • 05
    Font - Nolan will also stop by my place at night when he can't sleep. This doesn't happen all that often - maybe twice a month. He'll text me or call me saying he's outside, I'll go sit with him and maybe smoke a little bit, then he'll head home. I'll wait up until I know he got home safely, then I go back to sleep. My fiancée hates this. She claims the phone calls always wake her up - they don't, she just sometimes happen to wake up for the bathroom while I'm outside - and that me not being in
    via u/holy__trust
  • 06
    Font - This brings us to last night. Nolan stopped by and when I came back inside, my fiancée said she was 'putting a stop to it.' She said all the sneaking around is making her paranoid, she doesn't feel like she can properly trust me or be a part of my friend group without knowing the details, and that Nolan needs to stop relying on me so much. I told her that no matter whether we're married, dating, whatever, she will never have any ownership over my friend's trauma, and that she was never go
    via u/holy__trust
  • 07
    Font - AITA? EDIT: She knows Nolan lost a parent, she doesn't know the aftermath beyond the statement he had a mental health crisis. Yes, he has specifically asked me not to tell her. EDIT 2: This is not something we talk about "constantly" in front of her. I'm giving examples that have happened over the past year and a half. Also, Nolan sees a therapist. He comes to my place to hang out.
    via u/holy__trust
  • 08
    Font - mamabird1993. 11 hr. ago Partassipant [2] YTA Imagine everyone code talking around you, your fiancé stepping out to take phone calls, and having secret meet- ups in the middle of the night that you can't ask about. Being excluded and made to wonder to that degree would make anyone crazy. If she came here I'd tell her to leave you immediately.
    via u/mamabird1993
  • 09
    Font - SnakesInYerPants 9 hr. ago ● 5 2 & 13 More Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] Add in OPs comment about the timeline of the relationship and it's so much worse. They've been together only 2 years and he proposed a month before Nolan's parent died. And apparently Nolan hasn't even let her get to know him through small talk or anything, she's been very excluded from anything to do with Nolan. So from her perspective;
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 10
    Font - You meet this guy and you two REALLY hit it off. True love at first sight and all that shit. You're only together for 5 months, and he proposes! Woah! Maybe a little scary to jump straight into it like this, but you love him so you're so excited! Of course you want to spend the rest of your life with him!
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 11
    Font - He has a group of friends who for the most part seem fine with you. But there's this one guy, Nolan, who just completely ices you out. Doesn't even seem okay with you asking how work has been. No big deal though... Not all our partners friends are gonna love us, right? You're all adults and can handle someone not liking you. You live together so it can be a little awkward when he comes over to visit your fiancé, but you pull on your big girl pants and deal with it because you love and tru
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 12
    Font - But then a month later, you hear that Nolan's parent died. Now, whenever you walk into the room when the group is over, they all shush each other and talk in hushed voices. The only thing you ever really hear is them vaguely referring to "the Nolan situation."
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 13
    Font - Your fiancé starts taking calls in separate rooms. It seems weird to you because he usually just answers his phone and talks wherever he is.... But, no, you trust him! He says he's not up to anything so bite down that weird feeling you're getting and ignore it.
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 14
    Font - Then in the middle of the night, you wake up to your partner getting a phone call while he was in bed with you. He tries to sneak out of bed without waking you up, but doesn't realize that the ringer already woke you. You tell yourself it's nothing. You tell yourself you trust him. You go back to sleep.
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 15
    Font - But then a few weeks later, it happens again. This time you can't seem to fall asleep. All you can think about is the friend group all side eyeing you when you come in the room and shushing each other. You start to worry a little. So you walk out of your room to check on your partner, but you also don't want to seem like you're crazy so you make it look like you're going to the bathroom. He's outside, comforting Nolan. You sigh a little sigh of relief because you know Nolan's parent died
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 16
    Font - However, it's still going on 6 months later. Secret phone calls on the regular, group all hush when she enters the room, "the Nolan situation" is referenced many times, and your partner is still sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night every couple of weeks. So you finally ask your partner for some info... And he refuses. He says it's not his secret to share.
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 17
    Font - ... But hang on. You already know his parent died. So it's not like that's a secret. If "the Nolan situation" isn't about his parent having died then what on earth is it?
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 18
    Font - You ask around a little... Everyone is tight lipped. You're being iced out. You ask Nolan how he's doing, and he refuses to even engage in a conversation with you. Your partner takes another call in secret and there's this nagging in your brain that makes you want to know what the hell this situation is.
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 19
    Font - Yet another 6 months go by and you start to lose it a little. You tell your fiancé that this has to stop. A small part of you is still trying to tell yourself that you have no reason not to trust your fiancé, so you try to draw the line at the night time visits. At least this could cut down your anxiety at night because you know it's not going to happen anymore. Then maybe you can sleep better and maybe the better sleep will clear your head. But your fiancé just tells you that you're lyin
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 20
    Font - Your anxiety has just been building and building and building for the last year and a half. You tried to tell yourself that you trust him, but once you actually confront him with the direct impact this is having on your sleep he tries to gaslight you by saying it's not even waking you up?
    via u/SnakesInYerPants
  • 21
    Font - Interesting_Gear8512 7 hr. ago Yeah stop being a "busy body" and trying to stick your nose in a situation....that is only affecting your life and relationship for the last 18 months or so. The NERVE of some people. ~I think my eyes might be stuck somewhere in the back of my head from rolling so much. WOW OP YTA
    via u/Interesting_Gear8512
  • 22
    Font - Unclehol 8 hr. ago Not to mention the fact that they are enabling Nolan to skulk around and avoid properly dealing with his grief. These guys are all clueless. smh poor woman.
    via u/Unclehol
  • 23
    Font - KahurangiNZ. 7 hr. ago Strong homosociality vibes - bros bonding with, supporting and respecting bro's, and the 'girls' thoughts / opinions don't matter because they're not in the least bit important beyond the services they provide (which could be provided by any woman, so who cares if this one leaves?). :-(
    via u/KahurangiNZ

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