‘I won’t have anymore kids with you’: Man Insists His Girlfriend Have Another Child, Despite Them Already Having 4 Children, Leading to Potential Breakup

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 1, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. The talk about having kids is an underrated conversation when you first start dating someone. Dating in your 20s, it may not be on your mind, or your partners. You just start things off with someone, and before you know it, you're completely intertwined, but you have no idea their stance on having children. As women, it's a touchy subject. Of course both parties are involved, but women have to carry the heaviest burden of actually having the child. 

Dating in your 30s means you've probably both talked about it, because there's more at stake. You both have less time to have children, if that's what one of them wants. It's an obvious dealbreaker, and it's better to not get involved with someone who doesn't see eye to eye with you about it. 

That brings us to the Reddit story. Though both people already have children (she has 3, he has 1), he always assumed he'd have another child with the person he marries. As she's unprepared and uninterested in having a 5th child, it results in their breakup. But read it for yourself, and all the audacious claims and comments. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH ⚫ 17 hr. ago Electrical Detail1082 AITAH for telling my boyfriend that I don't ever want to have kids with him?
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 02
    So let me start by saying I am 26 years old, but I have never in my life felt "young". I am a mom, I have three kids ages 6, 5, and 4. I got married when I was 19, and my ex husband was 29 at the time. Right after I gave birth to my youngest, we separated and later divorced due to his abuse of
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 03
    me. I was scared it would eventually be my babies too. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but it was the best thing for them.
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 04
    So that was 4 years ago, and since then I have been living pretty decently for myself. Me and my children live in a house in my dream city, I have a wonderful job (I am a nurse now, with a bachelors degree!!) and I am so so happy. Happier than I have ever been. I have friends and
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 05
    reconnected with my dad, who my children were never allowed to meet. They love him and my dad teared up when they called him pop pop for the first time.
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 06
    Anyway so I recently met this man, let's call him John. John is 28, very charming, so nice, great job, and was fine with me being a mother, which is very rare for men my age. This was so important to me as my children are the most important things in my life. He himself has one child,
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 07
    7 years old. We have never met each other's children, we decided we would wait 1 year before that.
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 08
    We've been going out for about 10 months already. It's getting closer to the time and the other day we were talking about what we think about the future and things like that.
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 09
    The topic of marriage and children came up. I told him I am not opposed to getting married again if it made sense, but I definitely do not want anymore children. I explained this because 1) purely the cost, 2) I am tired of being pregnant I was basically
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 10
    pregnant for 4 years straight and had high risk pregnancies all the four times, one resulting in a miscarriage, and 3) my kids are older and I know it's not uncommon to have siblings 6-4 years apart but I'm done with the baby stage, I just now feel like we are getting out of it.
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 11
    John was very upset. He told me he imagined having a child with the person he married, even if he does already have one. He said it was important to him.
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 12
    I asked him in this scenario, if it is me, that means we will have five children, and asked if he was fully prepared for that. He said it's not uncommon and was offended I suggested that.
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 13
    He ended up telling me that basically not wanting another kid is a dealbreaker to him. I said fine, that really sucks, but I definitely will not be changing my mind. I make really decent money as a nurse but five kids is just so much. He ended the conversation by telling me "idk why you care
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 14
    about the money so much when your ex pays you child support anyway." He told me that not wanting a kid with him means that I wasn't that serious in the first place. So AITAH for this? Not wanting another kid? Are more kids that important to people who already collectively have four?
    via u/Electrical Detail1082
  • 15
    Tannim44 ⚫16h ago NTA, it's easy for him to say he wants another child, he's not the one who has to go through the pregnancy and all of the risks and difficulties that come with being pregnant. From his attitude, I'm guessing that
    via u/Tannim44
  • 16
    he also won't be a very hands on dad since he's so flippant about the entire situation. Consider this a blessing because you got out before the kids were involved.
    via u/Tannim44
  • 17
    cassowary32 • 16h ago NTA, it was NAH until he used the "never loved him" manipulation. One, you barely know him. Two, how did that work out for the mother of his current kid?
    via u/cassowary32
  • 18
    Does he have 50/50 custody? Does he even know if your combined kids get along? Shouldn't that be a consideration before potentially adding another kid to the mix? Most people once they get past the
    via u/cassowary32
  • 19
    toddler years never want to return. I hope you have your birth control on lock down. He sounds like someone who would "accidentally" get you pregnant.
    via u/cassowary32
  • 20
    robocopsboner • 17h ago NTA. He can sulk all he wants and say manipulative things like "you never really cared", but you're not the AH. If it's a dealbreaker, so be it. He made himself look really
    via u/robocopsboner
  • 21
    made himself look really bad saying that kind of petty.
    via u/robocopsboner
  • 22
    Complex-Rush-9... 16h ago NTA. I feel like he's being a little overly bitter though, you're not obligated to have a baby with him
    via u/Complex-Rush-9
  • 23
    SEA12342 • 17h ago NTA you are just incompatible- you have had four pregnancies and three children. Each woman is different and you had high risk pregnancies. If it is important for him to have a child then he needs to be
    via u/SEA12342
  • 24
    someone who wants children- he cannot just try to manipulate you into having one I would have told him if you are so desperate for children go have one yourself and see how that feels
    via u/SEA12342
  • 25
    DingoNice3707 • 17h ago Is this the first time it is coming up? Or did he just think he could change your mind?
    via u/DingoNice3707
  • 26
    sikonat 16h ago NTA you're incompatible and it's easy for John to say this bc he's not going to be pregnant or birthing or dealing with cumulative body damage from said process (and back to back
    via u/sikonat
  • 27
    pregnancies too). Any money he'd also not do much of the child rearing either ANd you'd be raising his kid too. Also if it doesn't work out you'd end up a single parent to FOUR kids.
    via u/sikonat
  • 28
    I do suggest if you're done to try and get a bi salp so you can greatly reduce your risk of accidents. Give you'd be high risk and have had three kids, this will prevent any man trying to baby trap. you.
    via u/sikonat
  • 29
    Bye bye John. You need a guy who doesn't want kids but is happy being a step parent.
    via u/sikonat
  • 30
    DawnShakhar 15h ago NTA. You have three kids. You don't want more. That is perfectly legitimate. He has one kid, and he wants more. That his his right.
    via u/DawnShakhar
  • 31
    What is not his right is to abuse you for not wanting more kids to twist it into - "caring about money" and "not being serious with him". That is the fragile male ego talking, when he didn't get what he wanted and needs to blame someone for it.
    via u/DawnShakhar
  • 32
    Don't give his arguments another thought. Say goodbye and break up with him.
    via u/DawnShakhar
  • 33
    evadhud • 16h ago NTA and he's kinda TA for his reaction. (Disagree all you want, pal. Just don't get so angry. You're 28. Relax.)
    via u/evadhud

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