'I was miserable the whole time': Mom plans birthday party for daughter, but her daughter is determined to make the guests uncomfortable

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 28, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

This woman's been living with her mother for her whole life, yet her mom still managed to get under her skin with this birthday party. 

U/LowHold1634 wrote to r/AmItheA**hole about an incident between her and her mother. The issue is that while living with her mother, she feel indebted to her, and goes along with her mother's "incredibly controlling" plans. It came to a head on the OP's birthday,  when the OP planned a party with friends. She requested that her mom not invite guests over to the house, however, and her mom just ignored her. 

The OP then proceeded to take her anger out on her guests and her mom, and one can only imagine the kind of awkwardness that must have resulted. The OP describes glaring daggers at her guests… why would she think that was okay to do to her guests? 

After you scroll through this family drama, check out this dog owner who thinks she has a great way to hide three dogs from her HOA. 

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  • 01
    Light - r/AmItheA Posted by u/LowHold1634 AITA for being cold towards my birthday guests at a party that I explicitly said I don't want?
    via Sergi Dolcet Escrig
  • 02
    Font - r/AmItheA Posted by u/LowHold1634 AITA for being cold towards my birthday guests at a party that I explicitly said I don't want?
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 03
    Font - My mother (55F) and I (24F) have been living together all my life. When I was an adolescent she moved halfway across the globe to give me a better chance at life so I have always felt indebted to her. However, she is incredibly controlling and at times even selfish.
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 04
    Font - She has never wanted me to have a boyfriend (shamed the boyfriend that I introduced to her for not being wealthy and asked me to break up with him for it, even though we aren't either). She is also judgmental about the way I look, and about how much I spend on clothes (which is admittedly a lot but it is something that makes me happy, and I do with my own money).
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 05
    Font - A year ago, I got a job across the country that paid really well, and was able to move out. After 2 months of separate housing, she threw a massive fit, and said I am soulless and unloving for wanting to continue living on my own. That she feels unsafe alone. This is after we bought a house in our original city together that I agreed to continue paying the hoa fees for even after moving out. I gave in and had her move in with me.
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 06
    Font - Now I am in a situation where I pay for the housing and bills and everything and she lives with me and doesn't work. She however cooks and takes care of the house which I'm very grateful for. I would be totally fine with all this if she was willing to compromise with me even the slightest bit.
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 07
    Font - I recently had a birthday, and she wanted me to plan something for it. So I set up a dinner out which we had with a few of our friends. It was a beautiful night; I had the best time. During planning this, we found out that one of our friends would be unable to make it to the dinner, so I was going to do something with her separately, and I had begged my mom to not invite people over to our house. I work long hours and we have a puppy. When we have people over, my mother hates that the pup
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 08
    Font - I came home tonight at 8 pm to the news that we were going to have a birthday dinner in our house within 30 minutes. There were only 2 guests, but I was already exhausted and now roped into something that I explicitly asked to not happen.
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 09
    Font - Low and behold, I was miserable the whole time. I was constantly on hold-the-dog duty while being tired and dealing with cramps. I just wanted these people to leave and there they were talking about manicures and Spain. By the time that they left (after 11 pm) I had been secretly glaring daggers at them and my mom for hours. I tried to act nice, didn't say a rude thing, but was also not very into the conversation, and when they said they should leave, I didn't contradict them. My mother t
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 10
    Human body - People of Reddit, AITA? Edit: please don't tell me to move out; it's my apartment. I can't keep on changing housing.
    via u/LowHold1634
  • 11
    Font - Adeisconfused Parta pant [2] NTA. You need to move out or you need to respectfully ask your mother to move out of your house. Then go and get therapy. This is a very sticky and emotionally tiring situation.
    via u/Adeisconfused
  • 12
    Font - atealein A: Aficionado [11] NTA. You need to build boundaries with your mom and uphold them. You are 24. How do you imagine your life in 5 years?
    via u/atealein
  • 13
    Font - Nervous_Hippo8855 You do not need to repay your mother for what she did to provide for you as a child, that was her responsibility. You are both adults. She needs her own place and a job.
    via u/Nervous_Hippo8855
  • 14
    Font - Dea magkozak Parta pant [3] NTA. Your mom seems to have good intentions by hosting a party but YOU said you did not want a party. She shouldn't have gone through with this party...especially if you were not feeling you're not feeling your best. No one wants to do anything when they're cramping. My Grandma is much like your mom, so I can relate to this. You are NTA! Your mom needs to respect your boundaries...especially if she's under YOUR roof.
    via u/magkozak
  • 15
    Rectangle - realslimshively NTA...but you have WAY bigger problems than this party. Your relationship with your mother sounds like a d nightmare.
    via u/realslimshively
  • 16
    Font - B Inked Ally Parta pant [4] ESH except for the guests. You have a way deeper problem here to solve and you need to start working on it, probably best live on your own even though you bought the house together otherwise you'll be miserable and put your own life on hold. Your mom sucks for not accepting your boundaries, controlling you and in this case force you to host guests (with her)
    via u/InkedAlly
  • 17
    Font - BUT you suck for letting all your stress and problems with your mother out on your guests. You could have played nice for like half an hour and then be sincere and tell them that you are very exhausted and not feeling well which is why you need to excuse yourself. Then you leave your mother to host them instead of making the guests feel unwanted and starring daggers at them. And have your arguments about inviting people over while you told her not to for when they left or another day.
    via u/InkedAlly
  • 18
    Font - ChellPotato Where does it say she let it all out on the guests? She tried to play nice she tried to be part of the conversation but she wasn't feeling well and they stayed until after 11:00 p.m.
    via u/ChellPotato
  • 19
    Font - Brainjacker Aficionado [11] You're NTA in this situation but you're kind of being an AH to yourself. A You're an adult who pays all the bills of the household. YOUR MOTHER CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. The right move here would have been to say "sorry, I'm not feeling well - enjoy your evening" and then go lay down and don't worry about guests or dogs or being rude. You know your mother will always steamroll you. The only way to change the pattern is to change the pattern.
    via u/Brainjacker
  • 20
    Font - CaroSCP Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] You can choose to stop being a doormat. Is this how you want the rest of your life to be?
    via u/CaroSCP
  • 21
    Font - katg913 NTA Based on your behavior, it seems like you don't want a life of your own. Make different choices if you do.
    via u/katg913
  • 22
    Font - love_laugh_dance While this is blunt, I'm feeling you. This whole post brings in energy of "There is so much self- inflicted wrong here, I don't even know where to start".
    via u/love_laugh_dance

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