'I absolutely think it’s tacky': Birthday party host asks teenagers to pay separate bills

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 24, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

Customs and etiquette change over time, but this mom is pretty sure this party host is being super tacky. 

There are all types of parties, from simple to extravagant. For smaller events, it can be great to host your family and friends at your home for a backyard BBQ, which is casual and cost effective. Other people love to spend big money on their kids parties by renting entertainers or bouncy houses, or hosting the event at a restaurant or play zone. As a kid, you have a wonderful time regardless of which party you go to! But that might not be the case if you were expected to pay just to go to the event itself, which is what happened to the OP's kid.

People in the comments left helpful advice for the OP, u/momtechteach9. She also left edits with additional information about the party host, noting that she's not exactly strapped for cash. 

After you read this party drama, check out this employee, who quit immediately after management shared their personal info with the entire company. 

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    Cheezburger Image 9766485760
    via Hamid Roshaan on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - r/ask. Posted by u/momtechteach 9: Am I wrong for thinking it's tacky to invite kids to a birthday party at a restaurant and ask them to pay for their own meal?
    via u/momtechteach9
  • 03
    Font - My 13 year old was just invited to a birthday party at Red Robin and the eVite states "Please be prepare to purchase meal at the time of event." I mean...maybe I'm wrong, but it feels tacky. Is the poor server supposed to make separate checks for all the middle schoolers?!?! That's a nightmare! Why have a party in a restaurant if it's cost prohibitive? Just get some cake at home, the kids can run around and have fun. She's excited so I won't say anything. I'll send her with cash and a gif
    via u/momtechteach9
  • 04
    Font - EDIT: just additional info, didn't expect this much response! • the eVite was sent from a ● mom to my phone, the child presumably did not initiate. • upon closer inspection the invite also includes a link to gift registries from Amazon and target...
    via u/momtechteach9
  • 05
    Font - • turns out the birthday kid is entitled to a free birthday meal at Red Robin (it's a thing do with there apparently?) that what you will. • I'm actually open to both sides of this argument, I don't do a lot of parties with or for kids, so I don't know what the modern etiquette is. I genuinely didn't know how I felt about it. • I'm sending my kid, with instructions on what to spend and how to tip, whatever the social norm I want her to have fun and be well behaved. There's a lesson in thi
    via u/momtechteach9
  • 06
    Font - FINAL EDIT: 'cause this went wild and I need to step away from the computer BUT I was just informed that evite requires you to pay to REMOVE the registry. It's automatically there. I'm not going to remove anything I already said, but that is an important detail I didn't know before.
    via u/momtechteach9
  • 07
    Font - *said I wouldn't say anymore, this seems to be dying finally, but I'm finishing it up with the last info I've gathered. Y'all, she ain't poor. Far from it, in fact she has a graduate education and makes six figures on her own and the husband seems to be equally upper middle class. And she invited single digit numbers of kids. (None of which have RSVPd yet) I make nowhere near this. But whatever... Does this mean anything? No, not really. It's clear that the majority of you agree with my i
    via u/momtechteach9
  • 08
    Font - want ANY of the kiddos involved to read grumpy comments on the internet about any parental figure. I'll shift my budget to accommodate a $25 meal and tip, but will have to get a gift slightly less than that, because $50 is significant enough to impact my budget. But I want my kid and the birthday kid to enjoy the day, and that's worth altering my weekly spending. Will she be attending other events with this family? Nope.
    via u/momtechteach9
  • 09
    Font - bmy89 +2 I would never in a million years make my kids friends pay for anything we invited them to.
    via u/bmy89
  • 10
    Font - FancyAdult It's tacky. I don't even ask kids to pay for their food if I take kids out with my daughter. I grew up not having the money when this would happen and went hungry and felt embarrassed while other kids had a good meal. So I always make sure kids eat and I feed them when I'm hosting something. I never send a kid back to their parents hungry.
    via u/FancyAdult
  • 11
    Font - veserwind +1. I think it's tacky. For reference my daughter's 13th party is tomorrow and she's inviting two friends and we're paying for all their activities and meals.
    via u/veserwind
  • 12
    Font - Syikho Same, my son just turned 13 so I asked him to pick 3 friends and we went to a family fun center. I covered all meals and drinks, even bought them some arcade cards. One of his friends at first said he couldn't go because they didn't have the money, I told him he only needed a few bucks if he thought he might want something extra other than that I had everything covered. I used to be that kid with no money, I make sure the kids are taken care of first.
    via u/Syikho
  • 13
    Font - GetSchwifty1326 This is insane wtf?!!! Who makes other people pay to come to their own party when it's kids?
    via u/GetSchwifty1326
  • 14
    Font - Not_Today_007. My friends hosted a party at their house. On the way out we were given their bank details so we could deposit money for the food. I was actually so shocked.
    via u/Not_Today_007
  • 15
    Font - Electrical-Pie- 8192 WOW that's a new level of tacky. If you truly are strapped for cash and want to get together tell everyone up front you need help so they can decide if they want to contribute.
    via u/Electrical-Pie-8192
  • 16
    Bird - VoidowS When you invite, you pay!
    via u/VoidowS
  • 17
    Font - 2geeks It was my sons 9th birthday this week. We invited his best friend to go for a meal at Burger King with him (that's where he said he specifically wanted to go, out of all the options). His friends mom went with him (no problem at all. Not an issue either way) and when my wife went to order the meal, the friends mom insisted on paying for theirs. Wouldn't let them order together. I don't have a problem with it. I totally get that it's what they preferred to do, and that's absolutely
    via u/2geeks
  • 18
    Font - I absolutely think it's tacky, and wrong really, to invite kids to a party, and then say "bring money to pay for stuff". Not every family is in the best financial position right now, and may not be able to afford to get a meal. I'm which case, they either have to not have anything and probably be the odd one out, as well as having to sit hungry whites everyone else eats. Or, they don't go and end up missing their friends birthday. If you can't afford to pay for activities, don't invite pe
    via u/2geeks

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