Every newbie at the gay pride parade this weekend will be more obvious than a worn out donkey trying to hide with a herd of disco ball zebras. These gays have been training their whole lives to be more fabulous than you, sorry sweetie, your pathetic glitter contour and hot pink platform sandals only make you a sympathizer at this rainbow parade. The hardcore parade goers wear nothing but nip tassels and underwear that straps over their shoulders instead of the hip– the newcomers are simply out of their league here. Not to worry though, at least you're nothing like the corps doing their 'best' to be inclusive (we see you Target!), but just changing your logo once a year to a simple ROYGBIV overlay isn't cutting it sis. Get out to these parades, be the newbie, and let the fabulousness wash over you. Next year, you'll be transformed into a flaming butterfly with flare, sass, style, and a margarita recipe that could sedate a horse.
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