'Wife #2 at 32 huh?': Dude lashes out at family after they disapprove of his second marriage

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Jun 18, 2023 8:00 AM EDT

There's nothing like an upcoming wedding to cause family members to pass judgment. At this point, it really seems that weddings cause more drama than good, but one must take it on a case-by-case basis, I suppose. This Redditor was about to get married to his second wife at the age of 32, but before anyone reading this passes even more judgment, we should clarify a few things about that first marriage.

 

His first wife was his close friend and roommate, who was having family and medical issues at the time and who really could have benefitted from being on the Redditor's insurance plan during that period in her life. In other words, it was a marriage of convenience, and there was never a romantic component to their dynamic. He was upfront with his family about this, which is what led to all the subsequent passive-aggressive behavior when it came to his new relationship (he assures that this one is a legitimate, romantic union). Leave it to family members to speak out of turn!

 

For more stories like this, check out this post about the top 10 worst weddings.

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  • 01
    Body jewelry - "Wife #2 at 32 huh?"
    via Sandy Miller
  • 02
    Font - AITA for lashing out at my family for calling my fiance my "second wife?" Years ago, I was married to a close friend. We were roommates, adopted a dog together, and lived together since college until our mid/late twenties (married at 24 and 25). However, we were never actually romantically involved. She was not interested in marriage and also questioning her sexuality at the time, but her family was ultra- traditional (and messy for many other reasons) and kept pushing for her to "settle
    via u/aite211982
  • 03
    Font - So we did the paperwork for it, but we never had a wedding. We were also never romantically involved. She just was not my type and I was not hers. My family knew she wasn't my wife in the traditional sense (they did HEAVILY disapprove though).
    via u/aite211982
  • 04
    Font - When I started getting back into the dating scene, we split up and legally divorced. She remains one of my close friends to this very day, and I care for her a lot. It's been a few years, and I am now 32 with a lovely fiance who I cannot wait to marry. However, ever since I announced the engagement my family has been making weird comments, like: "Oh, so Roxie's (my dog) is getting a new step-mom!" "Wife #2 at 32 huh? That's a lot of wives for your age!" "Let's hope this 2nd one lasts!"
    via u/aite211982
  • 05
    Font - It makes both me and my fiance uncomfortable. I keep on saying that my close friend wasn't really my wife in the traditional sense, but my family brushes me off by saying that they're just joking, or she's technically my second wife anyway so it's not like they're wrong. Today at breakfast though, I blew up at them and called them disrespectful and rude for belittling my relationship. My mom and my sister both said that if I didn't want to hear these statements, I shouldn't have married m
    via u/aite211982
  • 06
    Font - Some edits from the comments I made to help answer some common questions: Why I married my close friend: Health insurance, mostly, but also because they kept holding her tuition over her head. We were both in grad school at the time (she was gunning for a PhD, I was going for a masters but I had a job in an energy commission with some benefits). They'd always tell her that they'd stop sending her money or (some months when the arguing was bad) not send her money at all. They used money to
    via u/aite211982
  • 07
    Font - So getting married got them off her back about her sexuality, got her on my health insurance plan, and got them to be more consistent on sending tuition money for her. There were a few other things too, like how they kept setting up potential arranged marriages for her or threatening to take her home to their country. There was also a time when they threatened to have her committed to a mental health facility.
    via u/aite211982
  • 08
    Font - At the time, she was also really reluctant on letting me help her beyond minor things because she felt like it was something she had to repay. So between us, it also gave me an "excuse" to help her. I'd be like "hey, it's what your spouse is supposed to do, right?" Even though we both agreed that our marriage was a farce, I think it did something for her psychologically to accept that we had a legally binding relationship where I could help her. I don't know, it was complicated but it was
    via u/aite211982
  • 09
    Font - My fiance: My fiancé knows about my past marriage and has no issue with it. I met her through my close friend, actually, as a mutual of a mutual! At the time I was already split from my close friend, and while she was initially confused, me and my close friend both sat her down and explained things as clearly as possible. She understands why we did what we did.
    via u/aite211982
  • 10
    Font - My family: I was always 100% transparent with my family on my marriage with my close friend. My family understood that I went through a rough relationship before my marriage. I think my mom's exact words at the time were "I won't force you to do anything, but I'm really disappointed that you take marriage so lightly." They understood that I married my close friend to help her, but I also got the slight impression that they figured everything would sort itself out with our marriage (i.e. I
    via u/aite211982
  • 11
    Font - My aunts and uncles didn't say much else than that they were disappointed that they couldn't attend a real wedding. When I met my fiancé, I told them how it was a big deal to me that it was my first, genuine, supportive romantic relationship in a long time. At the time, they all seemed happy for me and no comments like these came up. They told me they were glad I was able to find love again. It was only when we announced the engagement that these comments started.
    via u/aite211982
  • 12
    Font - Biscotti Lonely8913. 3 days ago ΝΤΑ I mean technically they are correct, she is your second wife, so I guess you are a slight hole if I only look at the title. However if their comments make you and your wife uncomfortable and you have asked them multiple times to stop, then they are the bigger holes for continuing. 18.6k Share
    via u/aite211982
  • 13
    Font - Harold Pineapple. 3 days ago NTA. Holy what is wrong with your family? It's none of their god you were married to before, especially when it wasn't even a romantic relationship. Calling your fiance your "second wife" is disrespectful and insensitive. Your blow up was justified, and if they can't respect your boundaries, they don't deserve to be at your wedding. Stick to your guns, my dude. 44.4k Share business who
    via u/aite211982
  • 14
    Font - The GoobTM 3 days ago So many people stuck on the fact that she is his 2nd wife. OP never says that she isn't, they are upset at the constant jokes and comments and have asked them to stop.
    via u/aite211982
  • 15
    Font - Okay so it is a fact that I am fat. That's not a lie or anything... but if my family were constantly making jokes and comments about it, I'd be upset and hurt, and if I asked them to stop and they continued, that make them AHs right? Just because it's the truth doesn't mean I should be okay with them pointing it out constantly....
    via u/aite211982
  • 16
    Font - Same with OP, they both know she is the 2nd wife, that's not what they are uncomfortable with, it's the constant jokes and comments that they aren't wanting, and they DID ask family to stop. Family decided not to. Family is the AH OP is ΝΤΑ 1.8k Share
    via u/aite211982
  • 17
    Font - Sufficient Cat. 3 days ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [43] I blew up at them and called them disrespectful and rude for belittling my relationship. I'm not sure how to feel about this. You were legally married. You lived with the person you were married to. You are going to have a second wife.
    via u/aite211982
  • 18
    Font - They aren't being very respectful to your new marriage considering you both don't want to hear it, but you are also someone who doesn't seem to respect marriage in the traditional sense (or at least didn't for years), so it's hard for me to care that they aren't treating this like your first marriage when it's just not. You didn't care enough about the title of being your first wife when you gave it to your friend, I don't know why you care that your fiancé doesn't get to have it.
    via u/aite211982
  • 19
    Font - I think I'll go with NTA but on the fence about it. Even if you acknowledged your first marriage it would be rude and unnecessary of them to make the kind of comments they are making. But I'm on the fence because I do think your fiancé gets the title of second wife. 1.6k Share
    via u/aite211982

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