'Man cave converted into baby room #2': Husband fights with wife after losing man cave to upcoming baby

Author image for Ben Weiss
Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Sep 1, 2023 2:00 PM EDT

It's time to deconstruct the concept of the "man cave." Now, this may upset many of you who insist upon having a special room for all your junk, but the reality is that if one family member gets a designated room for their own space, so should all family members. Furthermore, if your man cave simply exists because you're not good at cleaning up after yourself, then it's time to grow up. On the other hand, if your man cave simply exists because your wife or partner refuses to let you put your own things in various parts of your home, then a more important conversation needs to happen because she clearly does not value you for your or your interests. A shared home should be a merge of both parties in every sense, not just one person's taste while the other gets a makeshift storage facility. 

 

This thread was posted to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole subreddit by u/RevolutionaryAlgae79, who learned that his wife had plans to convert his man cave into their second child's bedroom. Clearly, they're not in a place to move into a larger home, so the sacrifice will be necessary. However, there clearly needs to be a greater compromise here, as OP's wife won't allow her husband to put his records and games in other rooms and he feels way too attached to his man cave. Let's hope they resolve all this drama before there's another human in the household. 

 

Keep scrolling below for the full story and for the best reactions in the comments section. For more, check out this post about how a guy used corn to get even with his HOA.

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  • 01
    Plant - "Give up [your] man cave"
    via Patrick Perkins
  • 02
    Font - AITA for not wanting to give up my man cave? My wife and I have a 4 month old and will be trying for a second baby soon. We have a 3 bedroom house and one of the rooms is my "man cave" (aka all the my wife doesn't want strewn about).
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 03
    Font - Last night she said when the second baby is born we'll need to have the man cave converted into baby room #2, and my things will need to be put in storage until we can buy a bigger home (which realistically won't be for another 5+ years). I told her I don't think that's necessary and fully expected our babies would share a bedroom, and once they're a little older we would be ready to move to a bigger home where they could have their own rooms. She thinks I'm being unrealistic and selfish.
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 04
    Font - Babies/kids share bedrooms all the time, but I do see her point. My family is my #1 priority, but at the end of the day I also need a space for myself. My wife doesn't want my collection of records, tapes, books and video games in the living room or our bedroom, so the only alternative is to put everything away in storage elsewhere. Am I being a selfish for expecting that our babies/toddlers would share a bedroom for a few years just so I can keep my room?
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 05
    Font - Edit: No, my wife does not necassarily have her own room, but has the whole house to do with as she pleases, while I try to keep all of my things contained to this one space.
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 06
    Font - Edit#2: In defence of my wife not wanting all my stuff around the house, I totally understand and respect it. It's both our house, and she prefers things to be tidy and sparse, while I like clutter and have a lot of 1. As some commenters have pointed out, she doesn't want my records/books etc displayed in the living room or bedroom and would prefer these things go in storage, hence the issue.
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 07
    Font - As for the babies, our 4 month old sleeps peacefully through the night (and has done so since she was about 6 weeks old), and a newborn would sleep in our bedroom with us until they're also sleeping through the night before we would have them sharing a room together. I agree that an infanct waking up a toddler isn't fair, and envisioned this ony beginning once both children are sleeping through the night.
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 08
    Font - I'd like to also add that this wasn't an argument between my wife and I. This was a calm conversation between the two of us, and at no point did I ever say I refused to give up my man cave. Relationships are about honest and open communication, and if you can't do so without it devolving into an argument you don't have a very healthy relationship.
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 09
    Font - Ultimately I admit to being selfish here and would like to find a compromise that everyone can be happy with, whether it be my records and such being stored neatly on shelves in a shared living space, or our children comfortably sleeping in the same room. If ever our toddler or my wife found the situation to be unbearable, I would give up the room in a heartbeat.
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 10
    Font - Apsara7 1 day ago YTA if you can't have an adult conversation that doesn't start with 'I won't give up my space'. 4.8k Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 11
    Font - randomfella69. 23 hr. ago He said in the post that he see's the point about vacating the bedroom but the issue is obviously that his wife wants him to put his stuff into storage and he'd rather keep it around in a shared living space. She's the one with the "I won't give up my space" attitude. 3.2k Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 12
    Font - poetic_justice987. 23 hr. ago 3 INFO: where's your wife's private space? 2.8k Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 13
    Font - randomfella69. 22 hr. ago The only reason he has a private space to begin with is because his wife will not allow him to use their shared space. That's obviously the only possible compromise you can arrive at when your SO will not allow you to share space with them. 877 Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 14
    Font - . isthatmycamera - 23 hr. ago · edited 22 hr. ago ESH. You for not giving up an entire room you have to yourself. Your partner for not allowing your stuff to be in a more practical / usable storage place than in boxes. The younger kid will wake up more often than the older kid. If preventable, that should be the priority. Room sharing in itself is not a bad parenting choice. It does become questionable when a young baby is in the mix AND there is a room leftover.
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 15
    Font - For both of you, your children's sleep and wellbeing should take priority over your stuff. Depending on how much stuff you have, you store it in the common places / your bedroom (and potentially part has to go in storage in case it fills an entire room). Your wife needs to compromise by cleaning out space for your things. Maybe instead of a man cave, you can just have a corner in the living / bed room to store your things and hang out. Like your wife probably has? Maybe she can even help
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 16
    Font - EDIT: I only now saw OPS edit (sorry!!). I think this a great solution. No longer ESH! 827 Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 17
    Font - Little Fairy Of Death 23 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [20] Don't try for a baby before at least a year after birth. I am so done with people trying for babies again before the kids are even half a year old 535 Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 18
    Font - deckyon 23 hr. ago NAH - Both points are valid. BUT that is also your living room and your bedroom, not just hers. She's going to HAVE to compromise if she expects you to move everything else out of the room. It has to go somewhere. Have a reasonable adult conversation about it, and if that doesnt happen alone, get a mediator. 438 Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 19
    Font - MaybeAWalrus - 23 hr. ago Commander in Cheeks [22... YTA. Disrupting your toddler's sleep just so you can keep your man cave is selfish. 268 Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 20
    Font - Underagreysky 21 hr. ago As OP said, the newborn will sleep with them until they can manage a whole night and, as soon as they will, I don't see why it would be a problem for the kids to share a room until they are able to move to a new house (in about 5 years) 115 Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79
  • 21
    Font - EmperorMrKitty · 23 hr. ago ESH. Clearly it's a little selfish to insist the third bedroom be your man cave when trying for another baby. But like... your records and video games need to go in storage?! No they don't. Buy a media cabinet for your living room or bedroom and keep it tidy. Your wife can and should meet you halfway. Let her pick out one she likes if she's concerned about how it looks. 791 Reply Share
    via u/RevolutionaryAlgae79

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