Parents Of Reddit Share The Funny And Embarrassing Things Their Kids Have Said

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Laurent Shinar • Writer and Editor
Oct 16, 2023 10:00 AM EDT

Among the several joys of having a child, one that stands out to parents and non-parents alike is a child's ability to be brutally honest. To express opinions with an absolutely no filter and no awareness of the surroundings they are in. To tear into the brand-new outfit you just bought yourself after working out for half a year. These soul crushing yet awdorable moments are inevitably a mixture of embarrassment and hilarity that showers everyone within earshot. And lucky for us the parents, aunties, uncles and friends who were around to witness these moments have taken the time to share them with us.

From toddlers leaving adults emotionally damaged with Pokémon puns, to tots telling off adults for crossing the road without holding their mother's hand, to kids recognizing that sitting on the toilet only gets better with age, there is no shortage of kid-caused hilarity in today's collection of reddit comments.

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  • 01
    Rectangle - FoxesInSweaters 4 yr. ago Remember when your parents told you to eat all of your food so you can grow up big and strong? Well walking into a restaurant at the same time as a very obese man was walking out and my 4 year old kid says "Wow mom look at him! Do you think he ate all the food in the whole restaurant? Is there going to be some left for us?"
    via u/FoxesInSweaters
  • 02
    Font - flowerstastebad 4 yr. ago Not a parent, but when we were kids we were in church one Sunday. My brother must have been around 3/4 and I was about 10. He complained he needs to go wee in the middle of prayer so my mom said she'd take him in a minute, but he told her he's fine to go by himself. The church wasn't very big and it was held in a big hall that was quite cold and empty. So this kid isn't back after like 10 mins but we don't think much of it. Next thing we hear him screaming from t
    via u/flowerstastebad
  • 03
    Font - 14kanthropologist 4 yr. ago Not a parent but an aunt. Recently my three year old niece, with whom I am very very close, had to go to the bathroom when my family was out to eat at a restaurant. She refused to go with her mother or father so I offered to take her, which is totally normal and not out of the ordinary. So we're walking into the stall of the bathroom as this old woman is walking out of a different stall. The old woman and I accidentally make eye contact at exactly the same time
    via u/14kanthropologist
  • 04
    Font - notsohairykari 4 yr. ago A couple of years ago, I was taking my 9 year old son to the park. To get to the park, you had to cross a bridge set over a small creek. I had almost finished crossing when I walked past three women and heard a fart. I looked to the three women because I knew it wasn't me and they were all looking at each other with disgust. I heard one of the older women asking one of the younger girls if she did it as the distance between us spread. I was pretty amused but just
    via u/notsohairykai
  • 05
    Font - adisplacedcanadian 4 yr. ago Most recently: 4 yr old: took my daughter to the bathroom at the mall, then had to go myself. The stall was tiny so she had to wait for me outsidr the stall and I told her to keep talking to me so I knew she was there. So she says, "Mommy remember when you were on lots of drugs." Loudly. I have never done drugs, I barely take anything for headaches, I have no clue where it came from. 2 yr old: Waiting for the bus when she gets super excited and screaming "Mula
    via u/adisplacedcanadian
  • 06
    Rectangle - laundryandblowjobs. 4 yr. ago Sitting at a baseball game with my kid who was probably 2 or 3. He's turned around backwards in his seat, to look at the mom and kid who happen to be sitting right behind us. The mom is obese, and her kid is climbing around on her lap. My kid turns to me and says (as loud as you want) "I wish I had a Great, Big, GIANT mommy like that!" I tried to salvage by asking if it was because the hugs would be so much better. He said yes. I hope that helped!
    via u/laundryandblowjobs
  • 07
    Font - BigSpookMan 4 yr. ago I'm not a parent, but this is something my mom told me I did when I was 5. My mom worked at an Applebee's, and she had a few waitress friends there. On my birthday, my mom took me to the Applebee's to celebrate, and I was super nervous because for some reason I got it in my head that as soon as the clock hit 6:something, which was the exact time I was born, I was going to get taken from my parents and marched down to kindergarten. I don't know where it came from but
    via u/BigSpookMan
  • 08
    Font - TheTom1973. 4 yr. ago Walking through a hardware store, 5 year old in the cart. We walked by a guy that was A:Twice my size. B:Smelled very strongly of poo. C: Did i mention he smelled of poo? My lovely 5 year old Daughter screams. "DAD DAD DAD! Him is POOPY!" He got visibly angry, red face, veins popping, teeth grinding. Turned to us, said to me "Your kid needs manners" my lovely 5 year old says "You needs a bath. And lots of perfume" We left.
    via u/TheTom1973
  • 09
    Human body - Anodracs 4 yr. ago I don't have kids, but I was in a long line at a restaurant and there was a kid ahead of me who was fidgeting. Mom tells him to stand still, kid starts burping the alphabet instead. I almost injured myself from trying to hold in my laughter
    via u/Anodracs
  • 10
    Font - PWcrash 4 yr. ago Not a parent but my niece (six) did this when me and her mom were out shopping. Her mom was trying to get her to try new foods and she told her she could pick out one fruit at the fruit stand. Immediately she runs over to the Kiwis and shouts in front of God and country... "I want these brown hairy balls!" Needless to say, every adult within earshot was dying of laughter and my SIL was dying of embarrassment.
    via u/PWcrash
  • 11
    Font - [deleted] 4 yr. ago Not a parent but my grandma told me a story about my dad. My grandparents took him on vacation to some seaside resort and while they were eating lunch in the canteen, some Germans waltz in. Maybe there were other Germans in the canteen, maybe they were just too obnoxious to learn at least a few words in the local language, but they exclaimed loudly "Guten Morgen!" ("good morning" in German). My dad, about 4 years old at the time responded way too loudly: "Butem w mordę
    via u/FoxesInSweaters
  • 12
    Font - PLoupee 4 yr. ago Not a parent, but I have one from when I was young. I was 4. They put me as the ring bearer of my aunt's wedding. I was there, holding the rings on a little basket, crazy to go pee and dancing from one side to the other. Then one of the rings falls off the basket and I promptly announce, at the top of my lungs, for the entire gigantic church to hear: AUNT ROSE, THE RING FELL OFF THE BASKET. The entire church shushed me.
    via u/PLoupee
  • 13
    Font - Squirrelgirl254 yr. ago My husband taught our baby how to growl. I'm in the grocery store with her, waiting for my husband to finish checking out, and this nice elderly man comes over and sits on the bench next to us. He says he's waiting for his wife and comments on how cute my baby is. She smiles at him and he says "hi there!" Then she smiled even bigger and growled at him. Poor guy had no idea. I just cracked up laughing and told him my husband taught her how to growl and now that's ho
    via u/Squirrelgirl25
  • 14
    Font - BigD36x OP 4 yr. ago I took my son with me to buy a gallon of milk awhile ago and I hadn't gotten my paycheck yet so I literally just had money for milk and nothing else, my son was 6 and going through the phase where he thought everytime he went to the store he was going to get something, So I told him no toys and he didn't really tantrum but he got all moody the entire walk home, halfway home we pass a police officer just doing a walk around and my son turned to the cop as we passed and
    via u/BigD36x
  • 15
    Font - Intagvalley 3 yr. ago I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school. A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while. Then he turned to me and said, "This is the happiest day of my life." I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school... well, it just doesn't get any better than that. 1.5k Share ... ineedapostrophes 3 yr. ago I'm nearly 40, and watching them tear down my old school last year was
    via u/Intagvalley, u/ineedpostrophes
  • 16
    Font - ValuableMine9 3 yr. ago My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy's hand. He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together. I told him he was a good boy. 3.5k Awwwww Share Opening-Thought-5736 3 yr. ago ... 997 As a mom to a toddler and obviously an adult myself I find this extremely charming and I can guara
    via u/ValuableMine9, u/Opening-Thought-5736, u/White_Wolf_Dreamer
  • 17
    Font - locke3891 3 yr. ago My friend's little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names. When he got to my biggest friend he said "And you can be Pokémon stadium!" 3.3k mcbeezy94 3 yr. ago I love how he skipped Snorlax or Wailord and just went straight for, "Pokémon Stadium" 1.2k Share 4 more replies 1 more reply. Share themajorfall 3 yr. ago That's is the sickest burn. I'm going to use it. ↑ 578 ↓ Share
    via u/locke3891, u/mcbeezy94, u/themajorfall
  • 18
    Font - [deleted] 3 yr. ago My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. He was looking at a horse. 4.9k Share [deleted] 3 yr. ago The FBI Agent inside the horse suit: "I've been made, cover compromised. Request immediate extraction. I repeat. Request immediate extraction." ↑482 ↓ 2 more replies Share Raphaeldagamer. 3 yr. ago That kid is going somewhere. Maybe not Harvard, but definitely somewhere. ↑ 1.9k ↓ Share Atmaweapon74.3 yr. ago He's going to the
    via u/Raphaeldagamer, u/Atmaweapon74
  • 19
    Font - taxdude1966-3 yr. ago We were on a tour of China a few years ago, and the group was taking the bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai. The tickets for our group had us all sitting on one side of the carriage, and the other side was all Chinese locals. It was the middle of summer and everyone was wearing shorts. Halfway through the five hour trip a young Chinese girl, about three years old, starts walking up and down the aisle tapping everyone's bare legs as she walks past. She's got the at
    via u/taxdude1966
  • 20
    Font - PurpleFunk363 yr. ago During a lesson as a swim teacher Kid: So do you live here? Me: What do you mean? Kid: Once the lesson is over, do you like live in this pool? 4.8k Share BriaCass 3 yr. ago it was honestly so wild to me as a child that my teachers had their own lives.
    via u/PurpleFunk36, u/BriaCass
  • 21
    Font - whatsupitty 3 yr. ago "I'm not supposed to tell, but the doctor said to my dad he's fat." - 5 year old cousin. 4.9k Share Comment deleted by user 3 yr. ago BobosBigSister 3 yr. ago My niece was about four when she took to trying to pick fights to avoid doing things she didn't want to do. Looked me dead in the eye and said, "You're fat." I said, "yep... and you still have to eat your vegetables before you can have dessert."
    via u/whatsupitty, u/BobosBigSister
  • 22
    Font - [deleted] 3 yr. ago edited 3 yr. ago -18 working at a boy scout camp during the summer. Store manager. Kid comes up (M 10?11?) and he points at his face "We have the same!" Me: "The same?" Him: "We have the same!" Me:"Same what?" Him:"Your teeth are messed up just like mine" Out of nowhere roasted by a child Imao Edit: Thanks for the award. He definitely did not mean it rudely, but how it came about was hilarious.
    via u/FoxesInSweaters
  • 23
    Font - sockhead99 3 yr. ago Half said, half action. Was taking her to nursery in the middle of winter. She had those mittens that connected to her coat with string, but wasn't wearing them and was complaining that her hands were cold. Me - if your hands are cold, why don't you put your mittens on then sweetheart? Her - I can't daddy, my mittens are full of oats. she then up-ends her gloves and porridge oats pour out of her mittens making two little mounds on the floor ↑ 1.9k ↓ Share ... Otherwis
    via u/sockhead99, u/Otherwise_Window
  • 24
    Font - NeedsMoreTuba 3 yr. ago My kid had just come inside from playing in the back yard, and had just learned to take off her own boots. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "INSIDE BEACH!" I just kinda looked at her like, "Huh?" Then she proceeded to dump two piles of sand in the kitchen floor. "There," she said, "Inside beach!"
    via u/NeedsMoreTuba
  • 25
    Font - 91 oui_mais_non 3 yr. ago Late to the party but anyway. A few weeks ago my three year old son was cuddling in his mother's arms and sweet talking to her. Here it goes him: "mom I'm the little baby mouse and you're the mama mouse" her: "oh honey that's sweet, thanks" him: "...and daddy is the daddy mouse" her: "oh ok sweet" him: ... her : ... him: ... her : "and your little sister ?" him: "MY SISTER IS A RAT!" ↑ 589 ↓ Share sonlovesbrolicky. 3 yr. ago Hahaha, kids are hilarious. This remin
    via u/oui_mais_non, u/sonlovesbrolicky
  • 26
    Font - Q writingsofadeadpoet1 3 yr. ago My four year old brother was messing around with a knife, and i grabbed it away from him, and told him to be careful. He asked me why. So i said he could really hurt himself and die. I then said you know (insert brothers name) if you ever die my heart would be broken. His reply: You know op if you ever die my heart would be fixed. Man i was so offended but it caught me so off guard i couldnt help but laugh ahah 2.6k Share ... KatyaMedvedeva. 3 yr. ago Keep
    via u/writingsofadeadpoet1, u/KatyaMedvedeva
  • 27
    Font - Framerchick2002 - 3 yr ago My son was complaining of being hot so I was changing him into a t-shirt. He was still hot and crying about something else, I couldn't understand what he wanted. Finally he screamed "You know, T-PANTS!!!" He meant shorts, he wanted shorts. 483 Share ineedapostrophes 3 yr. ago That's actually brilliant!
    via u/Framerchick2002, u/ineedaposttrophes
  • 28
    Font - UnsavouryPie 3 yr. ago edited 3 yr. ago I baked muffins for my five year old and he said "Well, they taste okay.. but I'm thinking the people at the stores do a better job" I just LOVE how brutally honest children are, and not in a passive-aggressive way like adults tend to do, just straight up honesty. He gave me a hug afterwards and asked if we could play outside. I love kids, they're great-most of the time xD 1.6k Share ... Eudaemon1 3 yr. ago Yeah, kids are brutally honest, like they
    via u/UnsavouryPie, u/Eudeamon1
  • 29
    Rectangle - 00 Arbenyn 3 yr. ago . 5 Year Old: "Today is my lucky day!" Me: "Oh yeah?" 5YO: "Yup. My lucky day." Me: "So, what happened today?" 5YO: Me: 5YO: "Well I don't think that's any of your business"
    via u/Arbenyn
  • 30
    Font - Legal Ad5676.3 yr. ago My brother: dad, im not going to tell you the flavor of your surprise birthday cake. At least he kept something secret ↑ 626 Share subtlecuttlefish 3 yr. ago My brother did the same! My dad took is with him to the shops to buy my mum an ice cream maker machine for her birthday. He told us not to tell her what we got. As soon as we got home, my brother said excitedly to my mum "we got you a birthday present! It's NOT an ice- cream machine". He was 3 or 4 at the time
    via u/Legal_Ad5676, u/subtlecuttlefish
  • 31
    Font - ericwen 3 yr. ago My daughter definitely had it coming when she was two and said "Mommy, I'm not going to use the potty anymore! I'll just go in my pants." 1.4k Share ... MellieSIU 3 yr. ago My 2 year old daughter informed me this afternoon that she doesn't need to use the potty because she can just go in her pull up and change it herself smh ↑ 611 ↓ Share re miam5319 3 yr. ago Being pregnant has honestly made me contemplate this more times than I'd like to admit
    via u/ericwen, u/MellieSIU, u/miam5319
  • 32
    Font - [deleted] 3 yr. ago One time when I was a kid I put a big ol stock pot on my head and ran into the living room yelling "I'm a pot head!" I swear my dad laughed for days. 827 Share ... NeedsMoreTuba 3 yr. ago When I was six years old, I heard an old country song called "I got stoned and I missed it." When I asked my mom what it meant, she said it meant the guy wasn't paying attention, so he missed some things. The next time my teacher caught me daydreaming, I matter-of-factly replied, "Sor
    via u/NeedsMoreTuba
  • 33
    Font - Lily_May_Ledford993 yr. ago Upon learning that I was from Washington, D.C. a little girl asked me seriously if George Washington was President when I was little. I thought it was really funny and imaginative. 791 Share starmartyr 3 yr. ago My nephew asked me if I did remote learning during Spanish Flu. To be fair I look great for 110.
    via u/Lily_May_Ledford99, u/starmartyr
  • 34
    Font - F Funke-munke 3 yr. ago Working as an Elementary school OT - "Miss Funke/Munke, was everything black and white when you were a kid?" 946 Share Jason5757573 yr. ago I genuinely thought the world was in black and white in the past until I was 10 321 7 more replies Share it-is_Rachel 3 yr. ago Owww everytime that my grandma told me a story about her childhood I used to think or imagine that story in b&w and my parent's stories were in that sepia/blurred color that the 70's 80's movies had
    via vFunke-munke, u/Jason575757, u/it-is_Rachel
  • 35
    Font - Leoka 3 yr. ago edited 3 yr. ago My niece has an old soul and would always come to some big revelations. At a family get together when she was three she flopped down in her chair with a big sigh and said sadly, "some day I'll have to get a job," she looked crushed. When I asked her what job she'd have when she was a grown up she proudly told me she'd make the french fries at mcdonalds A year later I noticed she was looking sad while visiting and asked her what was wrong. Another big sigh
    via u/Leoka
  • 36
    Font - Sanguinikerin 3 yr. ago When i was a kid, i remember my friend trying to tell me about lesbians, but she didn't remember the word ,,lesbian". So she said: ,,sometimes a woman loves a woman, and kisses her like a man. That woman is a ... uhm ...s-...step-.. SKEPTICAL" Share 821 boatyboatwright 3 yr. ago I'm straight but also skeptical of the men I kiss 359 Share GinChiller22 - 3 yr. ago When i was in kindergarden, my friend told me, there are people that eat other people, called caravans.
    via u/Sanguinikerin, vboatyboatwright, u/GinChiller22
  • 37
    Font - OO 3 (N Courage Downtown 3 yr. ago My 4 yo cousin was firmely convinced that MJ died in the 80s, so I told him that I remembered his death so it couldn't have passed such a long time. He looked at me and serious as hell ascertained that I was pretty old to behave the way I do and then asked me if dinosaurs were still alive when I was a kid. 525 Share [deleted] 3 yr. ago My cousin asked me if I didn't play Call of Duty because it reminded me of the War. He thought I fought in WW2. Later on
    via u/CourageDowntown
  • 38
    Font - EnigmaticSpirit85.3 yr. ago I've told this one before, but here we go. In the car with my son, nephew, and my mother (so their grandmother). My son was trying to play the "got your nose" game where you pretend you pulled their nose off by sticking your thumb through a bit. He was doing a fair job. I was in the back of the car with the two kids, neither older than 3. Son: "I've got your nose, I've got two noses now!" Me: "Oh, really?" Son: "Yes, and you have two chins." I still need the ic
    via u/EnigmaticSpirit85
  • 39
    Font - thanksnah 3 yr. ago Caveat that the child was not technically speaking to me. I was walking from the subway to meet a friend in the upper west side in New York. Coming towards me is a boy who looks to be about six or seven who is visibly upset, being led rather gruffly by either a grandmother or elderly caretaker. He has that somewhat lost look where the tears have recently stopped but his breath is still heaving and his face is glistening. Just as he's about to pass me he puts his heels
    via u/thanksnah
  • 40
    Font - Elsie2612 3 yr. ago Kid "What language are you speaking?" I am Australian and visiting family in America. The kid was about 6/7/8? Talking to me in English. I had spent quite some time with him and his mother and he said this to me just as we were about to leave his house. 123 Share ... efaitch 3 yr. ago My ex boyfriend's family are from South Yorkshire. I'm from Tyne & Wear (a Geordie) so we have different accents. My boyfriend's nephew was about 6 or 7 at the time and he said to be "you
    via u/Elise2612, u/efaitch
  • 41
    Font - mach00burrit00 · 3 yr. ago "I love pooping because you get to sit and rest" 346 Share anniewolfe 3 yr. ago Yeah this continues the older you get I believe
    via u/mach00burrit00, u/anniewolfe
  • 42
    Font - Mythologicalcitrus 3 yr. ago I teach 4/5yr olds, one day we got into who could speak different languages (it's London so most of the kids speak more than one language). Went round all the kids who could say words in Chinese, Korean, Spanish, Finnish etc. James puts his hand up and says 'I can speak English, Irish and Scottish.' I'm Irish so I've heard lots of Irish Gaelic before, but was very intrigued to hear some Scottish Gaelic. 'Oh really?' I say 'And what can you say in Scottish?' In
    via u/Mythologicalcitrus, u/weeabootears
  • 43
    Font - CarrotAnkles 3 yr. ago My little sister was showing off all of her toys to my friends once. I was ~15, she was ~5. She brought out a doll with bright green hair. Her: Now, this is just an ordinary doll... Me: Her hair doesn't look very ordinary. Her (suddenly exasperated): It's in a BRAID, CarrotAnkles! Said friends still call me by name in the exact same tone.
    via u/CarrotAnkles
  • 44
    Font - WulfRanulfson · 3 yr. ago I was helping 5yo with a computer game. He said "Dad you're like a black hole at this" [long pause] "You suck so much" 485 Share Ashes_And_Embers • 3 yr. ago The greatest roast of all time
    via u/WulfRanulfson, u/Ashes_And_Embers
  • 45
    Font - GMHOTS12345 3 yr. ago I'm a fat kid 187.3 pound's to be correct at the age of 16 and when I was going to school this new little kid comes in the bus see me (mind that i always sit in the last row) approaches me and says can I sit next to you and I like "sure, no problem" so he sits beside me then leans on my tummy and now I WTF is he doing?????? then I tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable and he looks me dead in the eyes and say's "oh i thought that was a pillow my father has the
    via u/GMHOTS12345, u/spottedredfish

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things kids say embarrassing funny kids funny parents family memes parenting reddit thread
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