Weekly Internet Roundup: The Pop-Tarts Bowl Mascot, Stanley Cup Worship and 9 Month Long Cruise Drama

Greetings! I am here to belatedly welcome in the new year the best way I know how: by summing up some of the things that have been noteworthy on social media in the first week of 2024 (and a teeny bit from the end of 2023, just because). The internet has been generous, so let's get into it.

The Pop-Tart Died That for Our Sins

Sports mascots are kind of like forced, corporate memes before the concept of the internet meme existed. It makes sense, then, that they make great material for sports fans to do exactly that. The inaugural Pop-Tarts Bowl was held on December 28th, and the iconic toaster pastry company were more than happy to oblige every sh*tposter.

To no-one's surprise, the mascot for the game between Kansas State and North Carolina State was a giant Pop-Tart. However, what the audience didn't see coming was that this cheerful breakfast item was going to make itself into a ritual sacrifice, jumping into a giant toaster at the end of the game while holding a sign saying “Dreams Really Do Come True!”.

Needless to say, the cheerful nihilism of it all really got the memes flowing. RIP giant Pop-Tart, 2023-2023.

Mutiny Incoming 

I'm not quite sure what would possess somebody to pay to live at sea for three-quarters of a year, but that is exactly what a bunch of rich people are doing on the Royal Caribbean's Ultimate World Cruise that set sail on December 10.

The ship is meant to visit 65 countries in all seven continents, with prices for the full trip starting at $53,999 per person (and I'm pretty sure that's for a room without a window). In under a month, this ambitious enterprise has captivated TikTok with users relaying gossip and actual passengers becoming overnight celebrities as they document their trips.

Scandals include allegations of an emerging onboard class system, racism, a flood, and swinging. All things that the wrong kind of person might pay good money for, I suppose.

The Second-Degree Murder to Influencer Pipeline

The same day that the Pop-Tart mascot toasted himself, another internet icon found her way to freedom. Gypsy Rose Blanchard has been under intense social media scrutiny since it was announced she would be released from prison at the end of December, after spending seven and a half years locked up for being an accomplice in her mother's murder in 2015.

It's fair to say that Gypsy has so far been pitch-perfect in her role as a darkly fascinating internet sensation, with her TikTok account alone amassing 6.6 million followers at the time of writing. She's also given an interview to Good Morning America and publicly thirsted after her husband Ryan Scott Anderson when she felt he was getting an unfair amount of hate. May she enjoy her influencer lifestyle for as long as it continues.

There's Something About Stanley

It would appear that 2024 is going to be the year of the Stanley Cup. Middle America is driving itself so crazy over the brand that it has become a bonafide content creation niche. When fans aren't claiming that it is basically fireproof or fighting each other in the store to get their hands on limited editions, they are sharing their extensive collections and accessories with the wider internet. This kind of goes against the point of having a reusable water bottle, but consumerism is a hell of a drug.

So ends an action-packed first week of 2024. Maybe with a little help from some viral ridiculousness, we will get the second roaring 20s after all. Bye!