Fed Up Father Enrolls Child in Private School Behind Ex-Wife's Back, Sparks Debate About Co-Parenting

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 4, 2023 6:00 PM EST

Making joint decisions can be incredibly tough. Even the simplest of cases, like you and your roommate deciding what couch to get, can quickly spiral into an argument for the ages. Compromise is key, but it's also one of the most difficult things we have to do as humans. Everybody wants their way, and it's easy to get caught up in your idea of right, especially when it concerns a big, life-altering decision, like where to send your child to school. 

That's the crux of co-parenting-- making joint decisions in service of your child's wellbeing, whether you're happy about it or not. And more often than not, there's still some amount of bad blood that needs working through. Such is the case in a recent Reddit thread that stirred up debate about how to appropriately co-parent. There's no one way to do it, and every family is different, but commenters had some choice words for these parents. 

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  • 01
    o r/AmltheAsshole u/crottes denez • 15h AITA for paying 21K to send my kid to private school behind my ex-wife's back?
    via u/crottesdenez
  • 02
    Our son is 8 and has an incredible curiosity about the world. His first and second grade teachers gave nothing but glowing praise in regards to both his intellectual growth and his demeanor. However, his third grade year has not gone well. His teacher has sent us several emails stating that our son does not pay attention in class and is cold toward his classmates. When his mother and I asked him how school is going, he tells us he hates it. He said "all the teacher does is yell at the class to s
    via u/crottesdenez
  • 03
    My son lives with his mother and spends weekends with me. We all live in the same town and I would describe the relationship between his mother and I as cooperative, but bad feelings persist. I asked my son a few weeks ago if he wanted to change schools and he responded "God, yes." I asked his mother if she would have any issue with me sending him to a highly-regarded private school about 17 miles from our town. She reacted in a way that was not expected. She said I was being ridiculous and that
    via u/crottesdenez
  • 04
    I registered him at this school and paid the tuition. He starts in August. I told him what I had done and he was elated. Naturally, upon hearing this news his mother was apoplectic. All I said was "fine, you tell him he isn't going because you think he's a brat." AITA?
    via u/crottesdenez
  • 05
    blanketstatement5 • 15h Craptain [168] INFO: Her other kids are not yours, right? Edit: Adding NTA judgment to top-level comment Reply 44.3k ... crottesdenez OP • 15h Correct
    via u/blanketstatement5 & u/crottesdenez
  • 06
    blanketstatement5 • 15h Craptain [168] Then NTA. She's not a good mom if she's willing to hurt your son just in the name of "fairness." Half-siblings whose non-shared parents have different means get treated differently. That's just how life works. Besides, if your wife is currently with her other kids' father, then it's also not fair that your son has divorced parents while his siblings don't. Courts may not look favorably on you enrolling him without his mom's permission, I'm not sure, but I d
    via u/blanketstatement5
  • 07
    74Magick 14h Enthusiast [8] ● NTA maybe switch your custody schedule so you have him during the week for school and he goes to her on the weekend?
    via u/74Magick
  • 08
    jasperjamboree 13h Enthusiast [7] ● This seems like the most logical. This allows OP to transport his son to and from school without it seeming "unfair" to the other children. They might not even notice the boy goes to a different school. It would be a shame to deny any kid an educational opportunity that's better suited to help them thrive. NTA
    via u/jasperjamboree
  • 09
    Dana07620 - 12h Oh, they'll notice. And they'll pick up on it being unfair. But that's life. Life isn't fair. Their brother (or stepbrother) has a different dad than they do.
    via u/Dana07620
  • 10
    Chance-Lavishness947 14h INTO: what does your parenting agreement say regarding schooling choices? Usually it's either by agreement or the custodial parent chooses, and you've not fulfilled either here. Are you legally permitted to make this decision and enact it without her consent?
    via u/Chance-Lavishness947
  • 11
    crottesdenez OP • 14h We're joint for purposes of decision making. School choice didn't really factor in at the time because we live in the same district. Legally, she could fight it up against a "best situation for the child" argument. My problem is the lack of consent with zero sound reason not to allow the kid change schools.
    via u/crottesdenez
  • 12
    UnluckyCardiologist9 14h So are you paying for his tuition all the way until he graduates high school?
    via u/UnluckyCardiologist9
  • 13
    crottesdenez OP • 14h Yes. He's my only child and I have zero issue with it. My parents did the same for me.
    via u/crottesdenez
  • 14
    CuteRider4486 - 13h NTA. My uncle went to private while no one else did because of his temperament. He was very, very different from his classmates and he was not doing well in school and my mother, his sister, forced my grandmother to put him in private school. I'm also an only whose parents did the same thing. Maybe it's an only child thing, different outlook as a result. I hate the entire concept of treating all kids the same because one has a different parent or they all can't do something.
    via u/CuteRider4486
  • 15
    shammy_dammy • 14h Sounds like you need to go back to court.
    via u/shammy_dammy
  • 16
    brsox2445 - 14h Man I'm conflicted here because I'm very glad you're investing in your kid's education. But parenting needs to be done with the understanding and approval of both parents.
    via u/brsox2445
  • 17
    MyWifeisa Troll • 13h The ex isn't interested in having a conversation about what's best for her child and shes also not interested in understanding. She's more concerned about her other children not getting the opportunity the one is. How is that fair or reasonable for OPs kid? Why should how her other children feel be a part of this conversation?
    via u/MyWifeisaTroll
  • 18
    brsox2445 13h ● And I get that. But making a decision about schooling unilaterally isn't something that should be encouraged regardless the intentions. What if one parent decided that it was better to move a kid to another state because it was better? Or if they decided on their own that some new medication should be taken? There is a proper procedure for these types of decisions. So to me, it's about the procedure rather than the specific decision.
    via u/brsox2445
  • 19
    Originalhumanbeatbox 14h Aficionado [16] ● From my experience applying for 'highly regarded' US private schools, both parents must be interviewed and be on the application unless the other parent doesn't have legal custody. I don't know how you did this unless you filled out your son's address as yours, a lie, and omitted her from the application. If you don't have him during the week how did you take him for the assessment, and the group interview during the week? How did you take him out of sc
    via u/Originalhumanbeatbox
  • 20
    blueoasis32 • 13h This is it. You don't just click on a link and sign up. Something's missing from this story.
    via u/blueoasis32
  • 21
    RileyxDoll 14h Enthusiast [9] YTA, you could have won in a custody modification hearing, easily. You shot yourself in the foot and made yourself look combative with a possible claim for alienation on her part because you got the kids' hopes up knowing he would he mad at his mother if she says no. Well done sir, you turned a slam dunk into a crapshoot.
    via u/RileyxDoll

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co-parenting aita school liar child bad parenting reddit story am i the asshole private school parenting divorce reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail children
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