"How about you send the kids and you can do your own thing": Grandparents exclude wheelchair-using son-in-law from their Christmas vacation

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  • 01
    0₂20 r/AmltheAsshole u/Miserable_Horror_980 16h AITA for telling my parents that my kids won't attend christmas if everyone can't attend?
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    My husband was injured when we were in high school (almost 18 years ago now) and uses a wheelchair now. We have four children-his 15 year old son from a previous relationship, an 8 year old daughter, a 5 year old son and a 1 year old daughter.
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    My parents usually host a big Christmas every year with all of the kids and their families. Sometimes it's at their home and sometimes it's at a vacation destination. In previous years it's always been accessible for my husband, but this year they've chosen to have it at a mountain/ski resort that is largely inaccessible and would have a lot of activities that would leave my husband out, so we told them we were going to do our own thing for christmas this year. No biggie, right? They responded w
  • 04
    we responded that we wouldn't be sending our kids and that if we couldn't all attend, nobody would attend. They're upset and accusing us of withholding the kids from something that brings them joy and being bad parents. Are we TA?
  • 05
    Loow00 16h Enthusiast [6] ● NTA, this is amazing. Of COURSE NTA. They've excluded your husband from Christmas and their solution is oh that's OK, you can just split up your entire family for the holidays?! Do they have a problem with your husband? Because honestly, I almost feel like this would be *less* awful if they've done it on purpose than if they've been *that level* ignorant towards him and your whole family 411k ↓ ... Reply
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    Miserable_Horror_980 OP. 16h I don't think they do! They've always typically been considerate of his needs, and have always seemed to like him, so it took us aback. ... 43.4k
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    Loow00 16h Enthusiast [6] ...then no one should be more horrified than them that they've excluded your husband out of sheer ignorance! They owe all of you a huge apology here you haven't denied them Christmas with their grandkids, they've done that themselves - ... 3.2k
  • 08
    runiechica. 14h Partassipant [2] This, they made the choice. The kids will be with their parents for Christmas period. They can choose to accommodate fathers needs and be involved or not be involved. NTA 4989 ..
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    opensilkrobe 14h ● I think the backlash is because they're embarrassed to be called out for their ableism, they can't back out of the plans now, and the best defense is a good offense. 4573
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    staabc 14h It's not even a matter of them picking a vacation spot that your husband can't participate i which, I'll admit, is kinda The issue is, "you do your own thing, we'll take your kids" on Christmas which, even subtracting any religious connotation, is the ultimate holiday for family to be together. Who are these people? ... 303
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    PerpetuallyLurking 14h ● Right?! I like a free weekend of babysitting by grandparents as much as the next parent, but CHRISTMAS?!? Really?!? It's not really a "date night" holiday. ?! ... 4191 191
  • 12
    Klutzy-Sort178 • 13h With a ONE YEAR OLD! 89
  • 13
    snarkitall 13h ● this could have so easily been a NAH situation, if they'd sat down and said ahead of time, hey, we'd like to take the kids skiing, if it's not something that interests you, how would you feel about us taking them? And mutually agreeing on the trip and when to go, and definitely not over Christmas!! ... 138
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    Miserable_Horror_980 OP • 13h we would've 100% be down for this! Or even this option if some accessibility options had been discussed. it's the exclusion that's problematic. 4154
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    SolmaReddit UserNow 16h Aficionado [19] seems pretty that they wouldn't take him into account when making their plans. Consult you guys. We've done that in the past with christmas and general vacations. The families involved discuss. Sometimes flags are thrown on certain destination and we figure something else out. Surely there are other places they could have chosen. Regardless, NTA. ●
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    INFO: 1. did they really use the term "bad parents"? Wow 2. I understand their desire to see the grandkids, and I do understand that perhaps a "do your own thing" can be attractive, but do they seriously not understand that YOU want to see YOUR OWN kids at christmas too? OR that *gasp* they may want to be with you as well? 42k ↓ Reply
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    Miserable_Horror_980 OP. 16h 1. they did. 2. apparently not!!!!! : 1.1k
  • 18
    BiiiigSteppy 14h Crippled chick here. I feel absolutely sick reading this post. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. I suspect whatever solution is reached your husband is going to feel bad about things. I know I would absolutely internalize that bs and feel like "I'm the problem." Please give him a big hug from me and make sure he knows he's not responsible for other people's craziness. I hope you have a warm, wonderful, family Christmas together. God bless. ... 4399
  • 19
    Gothic Gingerbread • 14h Partassipant [3] I hope you know that anyone who loves you would absolutely never look at a situation like this and think that YOU were the problem - someone who's never even met you but simply is minimally kind-hearted and has the ability to think reasonably logically would never think you were the problem! 4139 ...
  • 20
    Miserable_Horror_980 OP 13h It's things like this that are why-even if I might come across as an to some people I am so incredibly passionate about my husband being included, period. Able bodied people have a difficult time understanding that disabled people deserve the same level of inclusion even when it's "hard", or that you're still people who are equal members of the family. it's always been my goal that my husband never feel like he was an inconvenience, never feel like he was less of a me
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    legeekycupcake 14h Partassipant [1] In my experience, someone will absolutely do this while saying you're someone they love. It boils down to who they love more, unfortunately. Long story short, I felt at fault for thanksgiving being ruined a couple years ago. Took me months of bringing it up in therapy to realize I wasn't the actual problem. Smaller example: this year my niece graduated from high school. My sister had seats for everyone but me. She didn't have everyone sit anywhere near where m

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