I Can Has Cheezburger? Newsletter

'Get back here, you naughty boy!': Hissterical Confessions Made By Cat Owners Who Regret Nothing

As experiences cat owners who have had cats for many, many years and who love talking about their cats at every single opportunity that has ever been presented to us, we have to admit… that there are some things about our cats that we don't tell other people. Hey, it's a little bit embarrassing to tell non-cat people who don't understand that our cats come to the bathroom with us every single time that we go. Or to tell them that we sometimes wrap our cats up like little purritos and then coo over them for half an hour. Or that we have long in-depth conversations with our cats on a daily basis. 

People like our readers would understand, but that's because you're the same as us. Other people may look at us funny. But we do want to share those things. Sometimes, the need to confess overtakes us, and we feel like we have to do it. And you know what? Apparently, there are places on the internet to do it, and some of those cat-themed confessions online… are absolutely ridiculous. 

Unleash the purrfection: Subscribe to our newsletter for a daily dose of kitty comedy!

Posted by Marielru
Advertisement
  • 1
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole : Went on a date with an amazing & gorgeous woman who was clearly way out of my league. Sadly the date didn't go so well as she didn't feel a spark. Driving her home I spotted a fox attacking a cat. Pulled over & saved the cat. That ignited the spark. Married with 2 kids now. 6:25 PM Jan 28, 2024 992.2K Views

    Now, this is what we call a confession. Don't let people confuse you. All those articles you see about how "men with cats are less attractive"… lies! Men who love cats and are willing to go our of their way to help cats are intensely attractive. This confession is merely one single piece of proof. 

    Via @fesshole
  • Advertisement
  • 2
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Neighbour next door got a cat deterrent device which constantly bleeps. It stresses out our poor cat. He wont get rid of it despite asking. Just gone on a 2 week hol and put my smart device next to the party wall. Programmed it to play Baby Shark on full volume every 2 hrs. 11:25 AM . Sep 11, 2023 1.7M Views

    This is a neighbor's feud done well. How dare you, Mr. Neighbor, do anything that might so much as upset our cats, let alone stress them out? Let alone do it so purposefully? Well done for the Baby Shark revenge, Mr. Neighbor num.2. Creative and forceful, just how it should be done. 

    Via @fesshole
  • 3
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... I wanted a kitten. My now-husband said no. Weeks later I "found" I kitten "in the middle of the road". Cue "taking it to the vets" to "get it's chip scanned". We ended up keeping the "poor, abandoned feral" kitten. Yes, reader, I'd bought the kitten. 12:25 PM Jun 7, 2023 · 1.2M Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 4
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole : In my 20s, on mat leave, needed some electrical work done. Electrician was young and good looking. When finished was seeing him out when our cat slipped out. I sternly shouted "GET BACK HERE, YOU NAUGHTY BOY". The electrician turned, looked sheepish, then quietly left. Mortified. 7:25 PM . May 29, 2023 1.1M Views
    Via @fesshole
  • Advertisement
  • 5
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole Walking home smashed one night I saw a cat and started stroking it. Cat loved it. Cat followed me all the way home. Woke up the next morning and cat was asleep on the couch next to me. Four years later I still have said cat. Called him Rusty. I love that little ginger bastard. 6:25 PM. Aug 24, 2023 1.5M Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 6
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My cat always sits in the same position in our front window. I design, make and colour, elaborate paper hats for him, and stick them to the window, just over his head, to amuse the passers by. Favourites so far - judged by photos taken - are the sombrero, 10 gallon hat and fez. 11:25 PM. Jan 25, 2024 583.3K Views :
    Via @fesshole
  • 7
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole : My cat is an absolute cuddlebug, but sometimes I tell guests he's usually shy of new people so they feel special when he comes up to them for attention 9:25 PM Dec 8, 2023 325.4K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • Advertisement
  • 8
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... Sometimes I phone work to say I'll be in late because my mum has had a fall, but really it's so I can lie in bed a bit longer with my old cat and kiss his warm, biscuity paws. 11:25 PM . Nov 26, 2023 430.6K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 9
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... My girlfriend got pregnant because of our cat. Our cat likes to sleep in the sock drawer sometimes, which is also where we happen to store the condoms. Turns out the cat also likes clawing the condoms full of holes, so now she's a "big" sister to our daughter. 5:25 PM Jan 23, 2024 · 530.4K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 10
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole : Wife's not a huge cat fan but I talked her into adopting one. One day the cat knocked over her favourite lamp and broke it. Spent an hour on Google searching for the lamp and drove across the city to buy a replacement before she got home from work. 8:25 PM Nov 4, 2023 416.4K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • Advertisement
  • 11
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My cat once dropped a rat that he had k lled at my feet on the doorstep to show it off to me. I told him that he was a very good boy for keeping the hood clean from vermin, a compliment he relished. Turns out it was the little girl next door's pet rat. Oops. 10:25 AM . Dec 26, 2023 408.8K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 12
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole My wife has promised me we'll get cats once the kids are older. I've told her if she goes back on that then I'm leaving her. She thinks I'm joking but I've secretly bought a house nearby and if she won't let me get cats then I'm moving out and getting them. 11:25 AM · Dec 7, 2023 767.8K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 13
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole I have several different friend groups who don't know each other and I frequently lie to each of them about having prior engagements with the others just so I can stay home on my own with my cats and relax. 9:25 PM Dec 11, 2023 423.1K Views ...
    Via @fesshole
  • Advertisement
  • 14
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole No clue how to vote in 2016 referendum, so after a night out I got back and put two bowls of cat treats on the floor, one labelled Stay and the other Leave. Put cat down and whichever one she picked I would vote. The cat went straight for Leave, I live with this shame forever 1:25 AM Jan 16, 2024 · 511.8K Views :
    Via @fesshole
  • 15
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... I'm 6ft 6. When we got our cat it was sick on top of our fridge but I've never bothered to clean it up. My wife and kids aren't tall enough to see it so it's been left there for more than 2 years now and has crusted over. 8:25 PM Jan 27, 2024 339.7K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 16
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... I've become a master of scrolling through my phone with a look of intense concentration. It's my secret talent for making people believe I'm in the midst of important work, when in reality, I'm just exploring the depths of cat memes. 11:25 AM · Dec 6, 2023 259.5K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • Advertisement
  • 17
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole : My cat likes to meow at me a lot. I like to meow back at him. Sometimes when I meow back he stops meowing and I worry that I might have insulted his mum or something. 12:25 AM . Oct 28, 2023 719.8K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 18
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole : I have two rehomed cats. Renamed Frankie and Brian. I dote on them. They love their new home, each other but not me. I see them play and try to get involved and they just break up and meet up and play in a another part of my house to continue play. I feel left out. 2:25 AM - Oct 23, 2023 572.3K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 19
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole : Having an affair with two women and the admin is killing me. Two phones, multi monzo cards to hide trips and having to remember who said what and when. It's a house of cards. It'll come crashing down soon. I could end it all but the risk is also very exciting. Only my cat knows. 7:25 PM . Sep 16, 2023 1.3M Views
    Via @fesshole
  • Advertisement
  • 20
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... Whenever there is a spider or a fly high on the wall or ceiling that neither I nor my cat can reach we team up and I hold him up high to get it. It doesn't always work but when it does he purrs so much. Sorry bugs. 3:25 PM. Aug 27, 2023 385.3K Views
    Via @fesshole
  • 21
    FESS Fesshole HOLE @fesshole ... I know our cat much prefers sleeping on the sofa downstairs, but I shut her out as her next best spot is little spoon with me all night and we have nice snuggles. 2:25 AM. Aug 8, 2023 · 395.9K Views
    Via @fesshole

For a weekly dose of animal-themed community challenges - Subscribe to our Newsletter!

Can't get enough of ICanHasCheezburger? Find us on Instagram!

Tags

hilarious cat twitter lol funny cats ridiculous silly funny tweets Cats funny

Next on I Can Has Cheezburger?

Scroll down for the next article

Comments

Advertisement

Hot Today

34 Purrfectly Playful Cat Memes for Feisty Felines Looking to Conquer Conference Calls With Cattitude at Their Whiskery Workplace 1
A Fluffy Feline Fireplace Full of 31 Wholesome Cat Memes to Warm the Hooman Heart 2
Hissterical Cat Memes From The Dusty Corners of the Interwebs for a Better Day 3
Cute Kitty Requests a Hug from Their Heartwarming Hooman in an Emotional Embrace of Wholesome Pawrent-Cat Connection (Video) 4
A Parade of Pawsitively Precious Felines For A Day Full of Purrfection 5
Comical Collection of 'Not My Cat' Moments When Humans Were Delighted To Welcome An Unexpected Feline Visitor 6
Time to nap 1
Shook 2
Being a cat is hard work 3
'Let's open the door and see what happens': Heartwarming Hoomans Share Hissterical Journey on How They Became Proud Pawrents To 9 Furry Felines 4
Nice and lorge 5
I made this. 6

Follow The Laughs

Terms | Privacy | Security | DMCA Policy
Advertisement