'You won't overshadow me at home, too': Stay at Home Mom Forbids Husband From Helping out Around the House, Demanding He ‘Stay in His Lane'

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Feb 6, 2024 8:00 AM EST

Every marriage navigates life in a different way. Some stay at home with the kids while the other works, some hire a nanny, and some, well, they choose not to have babies in the first place.

The story below is of a confused husband who truly believed he was being helpful. OP works to provide for his family, while his wife stays at home to look after the children. But because of a severe back problem, OP is confined to his home and is unable to work. He has decided that, while he is at home preparing for surgery, he should assist his wife with taking care of the kids and the house. But instead of feeling grateful for the thoughtful act, OP's wife thought her husband was attempting to minimize her skills as well as contributions to the household.

I won't reveal too much, but let's just say that a simple gesture of compassion turned into a heated dispute. Having said that, find out what took place between OP and his wife and whether or not they were able to get past their disagreement by reading the story below! And when you're through, check out the story about the woman who skips her best friend's wedding here!

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  • 01
    overheard my wife talking to her friend about how much I've been doing and at first it seems like she was bragging. Then it turned bitter telling her friend that she's mad that I make it look easy and that she hoped I would struggle to prove to me how hard her job is.
    via Canva
  • 02
    AITA because I'm a better stay at home parent than my wife?
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 03
    My wife is essentially a stay at home mom, only working a few days a month. I have been home for 2 months with a back injury requiring surgery. Since I have been home I have kept up with all the laundry, had the house cleaned every day, given each room a complete deep cleaning
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 04
    including shampooing the carpets and upholstered furniture, managed the kids complex schedule, cleaned the basement (except for a few heavy things I'm not allowed to lift), dinner made almost every night and more. I overheard my wife talking to her
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 05
    friend about how much I've been doing and at first it seems like she was bragging. Then it turned bitter telling her friend that she's mad that I make it look easy and that she hoped I would struggle to prove to me how hard her job is.
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 06
    For the record, I have always done about 25% of the housework and child care because I also have a full time job, and she has been working full time hours now and hasn't had to do anything other than a couple of errands.
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 07
    When I confronted her she started to dismiss it then got mad at me for doing such a good job. She said I basically stole her contribution to the family. I will be going back to work in one month and things will return to normal. So did I do something
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 08
    wrong? I definitely want a woman's and stay at home parents point of view. Edit: I'm trying to keep up and answer all comments. 1. We are both back to school for our doctorates. I'm father along than she is by one year at least.
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 09
    2. I never tried bragging or comparing myself to her in any way and never gave it a second thought until I overheard her. 3. No I won't marry you, no I don't want to divorce her.
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 10
    4. No she is not lazy. She does a great job when I'm working. I show her lots of love and appreciation.
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 11
    FitnSheit · 1 day ago My fiancee and I have gone through this as well with our 2 year old. The thing is, when she is with our son she is 100% on him. Reading books, engaging toys, learning
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 12
    etc. she will forget to eat for herself because she's so focused on him. When I am with him I'm maybe 75% I take time to make my own food, clean the house, do other things that need to be done. It's
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 13
    possible your wife is more interactive with the kids, but stuff needs to get done so I think there needs to be healthy median.
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 14
    faithle97 1 day ago Also wanted to add that kids act differently around mom vs dad (this actually got put to the test in my own house today lol). The kid(s) may be more clingy, talkative, have
    via u/faithle97
  • 15
    more meltdowns, etc around mom but be more chill with dad. This is the case with my kiddo. I left the house for 3 hours today and my son (14 months) was an angel for his dad/my
    via u/faithle97
  • 16
    husband. My husband was able to get dishes done, clean up a few things outside the house, and go on a walk with our son then as soon as I got back home it was all yelling/crying if I wasn't constantly next to him or holding him.
    via u/faithle97
  • 17
    My husband even said "wow. He was great and pretty quiet the entire time you were gone. He wasn't like this at all with me" and I said "yeah this is why things don't get done some days and why I
    via u/faithle97
  • 18
    get so frustrated/overstimula ted because he has constant meltdowns that I need to tend to". This could very well be the same case as in OPs household.
    via u/faithle97
  • 19
    avganxiouspanda - 1 day ago Nta. I am the SAHM, and have issues keeping up with it all. Even when my husband is available to help. When he is home solo he is like fr king Mary Poppins perfect. Kinda like you.
    via u/avganxiouspanda
  • 20
    The difference we figured out? Our kid. She is clingy child 10000 when it is me. She is literally up my bt everything(ever had with your b t sniffed, face fully into cheeks, while doing dishes? Stirring pasta? Getting cereal down?). Doesn't care what
    via u/avganxiouspanda
  • 21
    I am doing. Doesn't want to help. Just wants me to hold her (happy to do so, only little for so long) and see it all. Not climb on her toddler tower and see or help. Hold her. Not set on the counter. Hold her.
    via u/avganxiouspanda
  • 22
    Dad's turn? She is perfectly fine to use her tower, is not literally buried in his b t, happy to chill with toys or coloring or a TV show in the living room. Wants to know what he is doing but is not fully in his business like with me. She
    via u/avganxiouspanda
  • 23
    is fine with being told and if she doesn't understand, being held up and shown what it is. Then she wants down and to do her thing. Unloading dishwasher that takes me 45 min to do and usually 1 handed. Takes him maybe 10 min. Max.
    via u/avganxiouspanda
  • 24
    When both here and he is trying to be with her and let me do whatever has been driving me mad not being able to get done... she is still all over me. And no. I cannot contain the 2 year old into a carrier, especially now that I am 10 ish weeks
    via u/avganxiouspanda
  • 25
    away from kid no. 2 being here too. She barely tolerated it until 9 months old... and then it was a hard no unless she/you was/were constantly moving.
    via u/avganxiouspanda
  • 26
    freckledpeach2 - 19 hr. ago My kids will walk right past my husband to ask me a question every 5 mins. I'm always like "you know you have two parents and you had to pass that one to come tell me a story about
    via u/freckledpeach2
  • 27
    a random thought about where boogers come from" He definitely gets more done bc my kids AND dogs don't leave em be hahaha. I'm a sahm though to be present for our children not to clean. I do clean! But so do my husband and kids.
    via u/freckledpeach2
  • 28
    Mysterious_Win_2051 - 1 day ago I'm taking applications for a second husband. You're definitely top of the list.
    via u/Mysterious_Win_2051
  • 29
    MortimerWaffles OP. 1 day ago Thanks for the offer but I'm taken. She won't let me date other women. Lol
    via u/MortimerWaffles
  • 30
    19:30 Mysterious_Win_2051. 1 day ago lol. I say just talk to her and come up with a plan together. It may be easier for you because you may have better time management skills. Whatever the case may be don't turn this something
    via u/Mysterious_Win_2051
  • 31
    good into something bad. It's a blessing to be home taking care of your family and not having to work (not diminishing the fact you need surgery). This is something that can help you both figure out ways to help each other more.
    via u/Mysterious_Win_2051
  • 32
    Maybe she doesn't like to do laundry or deep clean, maybe you can take on the task. This is the perfect time to come up with a compromise.
    via u/Mysterious_Win_2051

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