'I reminded him I graduated 3 years ago': Neglectful parents forget where their daughter lives and that she graduated college

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 9, 2024 1:00 PM EST

If you've ever seen the film My Sister's Keeper, you probably already know what a "glass child" is. It is a term for the siblings of children with illnesses who tend to be ignored or neglected because of the high needs of their brother or sister. They're called "glass children" not because they're so fragile they can shatter but because their parents tend to see right through them and don't consider their needs as important as their siblings. 

One grownup glass child recently shared her story on Reddit, and it's heartbreaking to read. She was the only one of her five siblings who did not deal with severe health issues. Her parents completely ignored her and consequentially formed a "found family" with two friends who grew up in a similar situation. Now that she's an adult, her parents are trying to get back into her life but are failing to know the most basic facts about her. 

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  • 01
    0₂20 r/AmltheAsshole u/Local-Page1506AITA. 15h AITA For Not Caring About My Parents or Wanting To Get To Know Them. Super long story short, I (25F) was the glass child in my family. Youngest of 5, I am the only one without severe health or mental issues so I fell through the cracks.
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 02
    I spent almost all my time alone in my room reading or playing video games. I generally didn't mind this. I want to make it clear here I don't resent my parents or siblings. They did not parentify me, or make me my siblings' caretaker. My things were never taken for the siblings' benefit. I was just invisible because I didn't need them the way the other 4 did.
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 03
    When I was 9 or 10 I made friends with 2 girls who were also in similar situations as mine and we were (and still are!) our own little found family. I went to college with just those two, I graduated with just those two. I moved to a new state with just those two. My family were busy and that was fine. I didn't mind because that's just how life is when you have 4 sick siblings.
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 04
    Fast forward to November 2023. Mom calls me 3 days before Thanksgiving. Which is super unusual because we don't talk. The last time we spoke on the phone was when she was telling me time and place of a sister's funeral. We text small talk occasionally. Our relationship is incredibly surface level and honestly thats an improvement from my High School years when we had no relationship.
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 05
    Mom asks what time to expect me for Thanksgiving. I had no idea they were planning Thanksgiving this year. She never mentioned it before this. I already had plans also if she wanted me to come for Thanksgiving I would have needed to book a plane ticket months ago, giving me 3 days notice is not okay by me. She didn't remember that I lived 2 states away now but was upset that I would leave her "alone" on Thanksgiving, which felt very guilt trippy to me because she has Dad. When I refused to come
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 06
    After about 30 minutes of scrolling back to check our messages and making sure I hadn't missed something (I hadn't) I sent her a text to let her know I had a skiing trip booked for X-Mas this year but I'd love to catch up with her and Dad after the New Year. Shortly after I received a text message from Dad telling me that if I didn't come home for X-Mas he would stop paying for my college.
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 07
    I reminded him I graduated 3 years ago and that if he was still paying for someone's school he should look into that because has being scammed. To be honest, I was pretty I at this point about the guilt trip and the threats so I just put my phone on mute and ignored it.
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 08
    Mom called a couple more times but stopped. She did not text me on Thanksgiving or Xmas and did not respond to me texting her. Now its February, I haven't spoken to my parents since and my two besties are telling me I'm kind of being a that they would both be super happy if their parents tried to reach out to them. because I just don't care that they Am I the tried to reach out?
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 09
    similar_name4489 - 15h Aficionado [10] NTA um, no? Your father is so out of touch that he forgot you graduated over 3 years ago, your mother forgot you lice two states away, and I bet you haven't been there for thanksgiving or Christmas for years. ... Reply 4.3k
    via u/similar_name4489
  • 10
    Local-Page1506AITA OP. 15h I've spent Thanksgiving and Xmas alone, or with my friends since I was 13 or 14. I absolutely recall my Mom once expressing relief that I still got to celebrate even though her and Dad couldn't. Theres only 3 times my entire life my family tried to do Thanksgiving or Xmas and it just didn't work for a lot of reasons. 42k ↓ ...
    via u/Local-Page1506AITA
  • 11
    Arizona DesertChild. 11h They are probably starting to worry about who is going to take care of them when they get older and sick themselves. Gotta have that Plan B Kid if you know what I mean. I sympathize that the Parents had their hands full with four sick children, but come on, how hard is it to give time to OP. This breaks my heart for OP. OP- NTA- you go live your life to its fullest, you only get one. Your parents are not your problem. ... 4796
    via u/ArizonaDesertChild
  • 12
    Quirky Refrigerator80. 7h 100% thought this. The parents want back into OPs life for when they get older and need help. They've been absolutely inattentive up until this point. They are getting scared. 187
    via u/QuirkyRefrigerator80
  • 13
    Potential-Savings-65. 9h I'm wondering if your parents assumed it was mutually understood that because your siblings had made it impossible to celebrate together before this year that now they are no longer a factor you would naturally be celebrating together, because you're their daughter and she maybe interpreted your lack of complaints about your relationship with them as you not having a bad (or rather non-existent) relationship with them.
    via u/Potential-Savings-65
  • 14
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    via u/Potential-Savings-65
  • 15
    jippyzippylippy. 15h Certified Proctologist [22] NTA. Exhibit A: Your mom forgot that you lived 2 states away. Exhibit B: Your dad had no idea that you graduated from college 3 years ago. These people may be your genetic relatives, but in no way are they a real Mom & Dad. It's pretty sad that they don't know the basic information of your life which translates into: They really don't care about you. The reaching out thing is just their way of making themselves feel better about how parenting was
    via u/jippyzippylippy
  • 16
    kingofgreenapples 13h Exhibit 0: they forgot to even invite them. You can't expect people to show up if you don't talk to them. 655
    via u/kingofgreenapples
  • 17
    Fianna9 14h Partassipant [1] ● NTA- your parents have spent your life caring for your siblings that they have forgotten all about the one child that didn't obviously need them. And now they are alone and have remembered they have one left they are trying for a relationship and failing miserably. ... Reply 635
    via u/Fianna9
  • 18
    AddCalm5953 - 14h Partassipant [3] OP, not to jump to conclusions, but is there someone who can be informed about possibly looking in on your parents and they being examined medically and neurologically? It kind of sounds like they are having cognitive problems, I'm assuming they are older, perhaps sixties? Yo mentioned mental health issues in your family, perhaps you meant strictly with your siblings, so if that's the case, apologies.
    via u/AddCalm5953
  • 19
    Your friends may want contact with their own parents and that's hopeful for them. But it sounds very much like you've made peace with how your life is now. Just explain that to them. One person's floor, is another's ceiling. Edit: NTA. Either way you look at it, you're better off without them. ... Reply 358
    via u/AddCalm5953
  • 20
    California Jade . 10h Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [322] I'm wondering this too, forgetting that the OP lives a distance away? Forgetting that they haven't had the OP for the holidays for well over 10 years? And that clincher, dad is going to stop paying for college? OP, it sounds like you were the last to text your mom. Keep that going if you can, text them happy birthday/happy anniversary. From what you've written, the ball is in their court. NTA They seem to be under the impression you are st
    via u/CaliforniaJade
  • 21
    The_Bad_Agent . 15h Supreme Court Just- [101] ΝΤΑ You had to form your own family independent of them. It is entirely their fault that she didn't know you were in a different state and that he didn't know that you had already graduated. You have done well for yourself. Focus on the life you have built. ... Reply 110
    via u/The_Bad_Agent

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