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‘In my mind, it’s pretty obvious': Wife upset husband was glued to his phone in the delivery room, he blames her for 'not communicating' while she was giving birth

It's pretty traditional nowadays for the father to be present in the delivery room while the mama gives birth. The mama-to-be expects the papa-to-be to help her during this very intense process of labor and delivery of the life they created. However, it would appear, that some fathers still think they don't need to do anything when it comes to the birth of their child… 

Posted by Elna McHilderson
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  • Imagine you and your partner are expecting your first child. It's scary for both of you going into parenthood, but you are the vessel for this creation, so you have a whole other slew of medical situations to fear as well. But even though your partner isn't going through the physical changes, they should still be there to help you through them. That is called teamwork and THAT is what parenting is all about. Communication is key. Unfortunately, there are certain situations where communication isn't very easy, and your partner simply has to read you. For instance, while you're in excruciating pain giving birth.

    Reddit user @Fussy_sauce and new mama gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. There were some scary complications during the labor, where the baby's heart rate started to drop the epidural started to also wear off, and the mama was in lots of pain. This is the perfect time for the papa to step in and try to support his partner. In the cause of this Redditor, however, this new dad stayed glued to his phone even during the scariest moments. She tried to communicate this to him days after the birth and he gaslighted her to heaven. He said he loved her and she should have just “communicated” to him that she needed him. After all, he's “not a doctor” so what could he do? 

    Well, mothers are seeing red along with @Fussy_sauce and giving this new mama a fresh perspective on her baby's daddy. 

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  • 1
    "In my mind, it's pretty obvious that during birth your partner should pay attention and comfort you as needed."
    Via RDNE Stock Project via Pexels
  • 2
    Am I wrong for being upset my husband was on his phone while I was in labour with our daughter? I recently gave birth and to our daughter. My water broke and I was induced the next day due to infection risk. Inductions can take anywhere from a few hours to a few days, so I'm not expecting my husband to put his phone away and stare at me the whole time.
    Via Fussy_sauce
  • 3
    Everything was going quite smoothly at first. I got the epidural, was comfortable, baby was tolerating contractions well and labour was progressing nicely. I have no issue with my husband being on his phone here. The midwife was monitoring baby's heart rate, and about 14 hours into the induction, the baby's heart rate dropped and she quickly repositioned me. This happens again and she repositioned me again. My husband was just playing on his phone through this.
    Via Fussy_sauce
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  • 4
    While the baby's heart rate was dropping the medicine in the epidural ran out. The midwife understandably wanted to wait until the baby's heart rate was stable for a while before she left the room to get more of the medicine for the epidural. During this time, contractions were frequent and painful (baby was sunny side up). I was breathing loudly trying to get through them and it was obvious I was in pain. During all of this, my husband was sitting in the corner, head down, on his phone. I would
    Via Fussy_sauce
  • 5
    I was upset about this and on the way back from the hospital I told him as much. At first he tried to tell me that he wasn't on his phone while this was happening. He then revised his version of events to tell me he was paying attention despite being on his phone when the midwife said the baby's heart rate was dropping. It upsets me because his attention was divided here. I dropped the conversation here because I didn't want to start a big fight while also trying to figure out how to care for a
    Via Fussy_sauce
  • 6
    This still was upsetting me and a few weeks later and I brought it up with my husband again. He said he didn't want to get up and come to my bedside because it would make me panic and freak out, so that's why he continued to sit in the corner on his phone. He also said there was nothing he could've done when I was in pain since he's not a doctor. He said he loves me the most and that I should've communicated to him that I needed him in that moment. In my mind it's pretty obvious that during birt
    Via Fussy_sauce
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  • 7
    mjaumjaukaj 1 day ago I don't think you're wrong to be upset. Yes, in normal day to day life it is your responsibility to say what you need or want to your partner. This was not normal day to day life - you were in labour, seemingly with some extra stressful things happening too.
    Via mjaumjaukaj
  • 8
    Even if your partner really thought it would make you stressed out if he came to your side - that's an assumption he made. He could've checked with you and just asked "hey, would you like me to come be closer to you or would you prefer me to stay here?". Just whatever he was thinking/feeling/fearing, he could've voiced, or checked with you if it was a good time to voice it.
    Via mjaumjaukaj
  • 9
    deceasedin1903 23 hr. ago. edited 22 hr. ago That's why, when I give birth prep classes (ob/gyn nurse), I make sure the partner or the person accompanying the mother knows that they will have an active role. Labor is work and not just for the mother. They need to do their part comforting, reassuring and advocating for her, since she won't be able to do it herself. If your wife and baby are in a situation of vulnerability and possible pain, you get off your ucking phone and help.
    Via deceasedin1903
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  • 10
    The Places I Loved - 22 hr. ago Yes, giving birth is an action, not a noun. It's not "here is baby." Baby must emerge from a cramped space through an even more cramped space and the whole process is kind of backwards, which is what makes it labour, and something that is know by most sentient humans to be one of the most difficult days imaginable, even when it all goes perfectly.
    Via ThePlacesILoved
  • 11
    You were on the edge- a dropping heart rate can go either way, fetal distress or not. Have your husband read the article on oxytocin, one of the main players in labour. How does oxytocin get increased? Not by being left alone on a cold table, under bright lights, while your husband plays on his phone. Cuddling, hugging, massaging, soothing words, music, life!!!!! If emotions don't translate to his walled off heart, perhaps science will. Wake up, man. You just got to become a father, now let's se
    Via ThePlacesILoved
  • 12
    201 _Green_Mind 12 hr. ago Yup. My husband wasn't cuddling or massaging me but he was making sure I had all the ice chips I needed, my hair was pulled back, I wasn't sweaty, and he was right there actively talking to the nurse whenever she came in. When one doctor tried to get me brought in for a c- section without good reasoning offered, he advocated to get a second opinion
    Via _Green_Mind
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  • 13
    (who strongly disagreed and delivered my baby 2 hours later - no hate okln c- sections but I didn't need one) When i was having a hard time pushing he helped coach me through it. I needed his voice to stay calm. Even in the times where not much was happening he was bringing up articles I might like to read to me. He was just there for me, and it mattered
    Via _Green_Mind
  • 14
    SchoolOfTheWolf93 20 hr. ago Yep. Just gave birth a few weeks ago and when I got the epidural about an hour later my heart rate skyrocketed and I was struggling to breathe. My husband noticed that I was off so he was asking me if I was okay/what's wrong; I couldn't voice what was happening besides a very slurred "I don't feel good" and he immediately called the nurse to come in and explained to them that I was acting strange.
    Via SchoolOfTheWolf93
  • 15
    Luckily it was just a case of being dehydrated so they gave me some fluids and I felt better almost immediately. Thank goodness my husband was paying attention to me because I was in such a fog that I couldn't move to hit my call button or even articulate that I needed help.
    Via SchoolOfTheWolf93
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  • 16
    Lazy_Lingonberry5977 19 hr. ago edited 16 hr. ago For me too, the nurses that gave the classes were direct with all the husbands and told them they didn't want to see any "prince" sleeping on the couch or doing nothing while the wife was in labor. They made us laugh but it's sad that this is so common and that they need to be told what's the expectation. Our nurses were fed up already and were taking none
    Via Lazy_Lingonberry5977

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Tags

new dad new father labor and delivery fatherhood delivery room new mom thread new mother motherhood going into labor parenting new baby new parents new mom labor and delivery nerse Reddit

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