'A friend's birthday dinner [cost] me $1100': Entitled rich friends throw lavish party without informing guests they will be charged $540 per person

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Feb 16, 2024 2:00 PM EST

There are plenty of conflicts that can cause a rift in adult friendships, but perhaps the most common one is money. Obviously, there are other worthy candidates such as difficulty with communication, differences in ideologies, and disagreements about significant others. However, how people deal with money can bring about cringeworthy interactions, upsetting revelations, and disturbing differences in opinion.

For instance, here we have an adult male and his wife who were invited to their friend's 40th birthday party. They knew that the dinner would be lavish and expensive. They also knew based on previous occasions that these far more wealthy friends were not the kind of people to foot the entire bill. However, it was a total surprise to them when they received a request following the event for $1100 ($540 per person). Hopefully, they ask for an itemized bill so they can ensure that they only pay for what they consumed that night. However, more importantly, a deeper conversation needs to be had about transparency and equitability if this Redditor plans to continue the friendship. It seems like it may not be worth it (literally).

Keep scrolling below for the full story. When you're done, check out this post about a woman who discovered her so-called frugal boyfriend's expenses on other women.

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  • 01
    "Am I wrong for being blindsided by a friend's birthday dinner costing me $1100?"
    via Jason Leung
  • 02
    r/r/amiwrong. Posted by u/johnysalad 2 days ago Am I wrong for being blindsided by a friend's birthday dinner costing me $1100? Birthday dinner for a friend costs... $540 per person
    via u/johnysalad
  • 03
    Me (38m) and my wife (36f) were invited to a major city to celebrate a friend's 40th. There were two days in the schedule but we could only attend one because of my work schedule. We went to a fancy dinner and expected it to be over the top and expensive because it's their 40th birthday and they have high paying jobs and like to splurge. We met everyone at dinner at a fancy restaurant and found out it was family style 6 course meal. When the check came, our friend's wife put it all on her card a
    via u/johnysalad
  • 04
    Today our friend's wife messages us that the total, minus tax and gratuity, split between the 13 of us, was $540 PER PERSON. We figured on the high end we'd spend maybe half that for both of us (we really thought more like $300 total for both of us based on the quality of the food).
    via u/johnysalad
  • 05
    I'm pretty offended that it wasn't communicated ahead of time that this meal was going to be a mortgage payment. What do I do here?
    via u/johnysalad
  • 06
    Edit 1: We expect to spend a lot of money going out with these friends. We have gone out several times where an evening costs us $250-$300 per couple. But never anything like $1100 just for dinner.
    via u/johnysalad
  • 07
    Edit 2: Thanks everyone for the comments. This got a much bigger response than I thought it would! I want to respond to some common comments here.
    via u/johnysalad
  • 08
    We truly did not expect the host to pay for dinner. Based on previous events/dinners with this group, we expected to pay for our own meal and drinks. When the bill came, the host (birthday boy's wife) grabbed the bill and paid it with her card. We were surprised that it looked like she was paying. But now, a couple days later, she is sending out bills to the couples for their portion of an even split of the dinner. It was not discussed that there would be only one check for the group.
    via u/johnysalad
  • 09
    Some of our other friends who came with us and were in on all the same communications leading up to this dinner were also completely surprised by the total amount of the meal. If it matters, they are very well off and still got sticker shock. This is validating for me because they've been with us in this group for many dinners with this couple and also did not expect this outcome.
    via u/johnysalad
  • 10
    They got a bill for both nights that totaled just shy of $2000 for food and drinks on tabs that were paid (at the time) by the host couple. For those saying we should have asked ahead of time, I guess this is where I get hung up. We were anticipating a range based on many meals with this group- including birthday dinners. Why would we reach out to the host and ask "this isn't going to cost us more than $1000, is it?" when every past experience was substantially lower (60-70% less)?
    via u/johnysalad
  • 11
    We haven't asked for an itemized receipt yet, but looked up the cost of the family style dinner per person. Based on what we ate/drank, our total would come to right around $700. To be honest, I would have been surprised by that amount, but we're being asked to pay $400 more than that and I think, as many have pointed out, we are getting charged for others' wine choices. We will either just send that amount or ask for an itemized receipt, as many have recommended. I believe our next course is, a
    via u/johnysalad
  • 12
    Edit 3: my wife contacted the restaurant and it turns out that there is a minimum per person charge that works out to $530 after tax and gratuity for reservations the size of our group. This is $200/per person more than we consumed and the host never told us about it, even when contacting us for payment. The host would have been aware prior to inviting us, because she would have had to agree to it for the size of group. The restaurant doesn't do reservations for that size party and has to make a
    via u/johnysalad
  • 13
    Seriously really7. 2 days ago I would need proof before I paid $1100 for dinner. 3.5k Reply Share
    via u/johnysalad
  • 14
    neophenx 2 days ago Not wrong, NTA. I don't know if things are usually different in the upper echelons of society, but to us peasants and peons, planning for expensive things means communicating accurate and prompt expected costs beforehand. 773 Reply Share
    via u/johnysalad
  • 15
    johnysalad OP. 2 days ago The funny thing is that, while these people are well off, I know people that have WAY more money (Wall Street, vacations in Italy, second home in New England) and would never assume that everyone in a party would be down for a $500-$550/per person without discussing it first 689 Reply Share
    via u/johnysalad
  • 16
    Allimack 2 days ago Was someone ordering $500 bottles of wine that only they drank? I would be asking to see the itemized total, and I would split the family-style food costs and pay for your specific beverages. But I would not pay a "share" of high end alcohol that only some of the guests drank. 500 Reply Share
    via u/johnysalad
  • 17
    Bird Brain4101112 2 days ago . $540 per person is "send me a copy of the bill" territory. Reply Share 479
    via u/johnysalad
  • 18
    Mario_daAA 2 days ago. edited 1 day ago I think what every one is also ignore is the fact the 540/person is AFTER the bill was split THIRTEEN ways..... it was a 7000 dollar meal. I have been to places like this where you book it and must spend x amount. But I always 1. Have as many people as possible and b. Make sure everyone knows the per person rate BEFORE they commit to come 254 Reply Share
    via u/johnysalad
  • 19
    missmegz1492. 2 days ago. edited 2 days ago Unless you guys have really fallen out of step with your friend group's incomes... going from an average of 200-300 dollars for a night out to 1000+ even for a special event seems insane. ETA: I would message the person in the group you are closest to (who isn't the birthday person or the person asking for money) and just feel the situation out. Keep it light, self deprecating etc.. but gauge their response. If it's some comment about the economy these
    via u/johnysalad
  • 20
    Terrible_Bite_172 2 days ago Willing to bet half the tab was booze. Never drink and put the booze on a separate check. 158 Reply Share
    via u/johnysalad

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birthday friends entitled people karma Party dinner happy birthday entitled expensive rich people reddit thread Reddit rich entitled people
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