‘I'm leaving without you': Husband Misses Wife’s Birthday Party After He Fails to Be Ready on Time and She Leaves Without Him, Leading to a Family Dispute

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Feb 26, 2024 11:00 AM EST

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who are always late. It doesn't matter if it is a doctor's appointment, a wedding, or dinner at a friend's house, they will always come at least 30 minutes late, and I can't stand it. I always get to where I need to be at least 5 minutes early, and if I don't feel like being early, I'll probably wait in my car until it's time to go in. If I'm even 10 minutes late to a thing, I can assure you I am stressing all the way there.

That is why I sympathize with the woman on this Reddit post, who has to deal with a husband who is chronically late. What finally tipped her over the edge was when he decided to work instead of getting ready for her own birthday party, so she simply left without him. In response, he didn't even bother showing up to the party and was later upset with her for leaving him at home.

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  • 01
    AITA for going to my birthday dinner without my husband when he wasn't ready on time?
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 02
    It was my (40 F) 40th birthday a few days ago and we had a reservation for a table at a nice restaurant for 7pm. It takes about 20 minutes to drive to the restaurant so I planned to leave
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 03
    the house at 6:30pm to build in time for traffic and picking up my father. My husband (43 M) had decided to do a bit of work on his car about half an hour before we
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 04
    needed to leave. At 6:30 when the kids and I were waiting by the door, he was still doing it. He hadn't changed and hadn't showered. I told him to quickly get ready, but it got to 6:50 and
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 05
    he still wasn't ready yet so I decided to just leave without him. He has a habit of always running late when we go out and he is always the last one to
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 06
    be ready. Normally I can tolerate it since it only sets things back by ten minutes at the most, but my birthday dinner was important to me and I had been looking forward
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 07
    to it for weeks. Making us wait for 20 minutes was taking the mick, so I yelled out that we were leaving and left, because I didn't want to lose the table, since we would have arrived about 7:20.
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 08
    I called the restaurant to let them know we would be late and we luckily still had our table, but my husband didn't show up at the restaurant and when we got home he was mad
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 09
    at me. I told him that I was tired of him not respecting my time and always making people wait for him, and that he could have made his own way to the
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 10
    restaurant. My father agreed with my decision to leave without him, but my kids were a little upset that he wasn't there to have dinner with us. So, AITA?
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 11
    Effective-Several - 7 days ago ΝΤΑ Tell him clearly that from now on, you are going to tell him when you plan to leave. And you don't care what he's doing at that point, because if he isn't ready to leave you are leaving without him.
    via u/Effective-Several
  • 12
    And then do exactly that. And if he gets upset, tell him that he was well aware of what was going to happen. And then the next time the two of you plan to go anywhere, tell him exactly when he needs to be ready by and that you are
    via u/Effective-Several
  • 13
    going to leave at that time. And then whether he's ready or not, leave. After a few experiences like that, he is sure to catch on that you mean what you say.
    via u/Effective-Several
  • 14
    By the way, how does it work when HE has an important event to go to? Is he somehow magically able to figure out how to get out of the door on time when it's an event that is important to HIM?
    via u/Effective-Several
  • 15
    Ok-Status-9627 - 7 days ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] NTA. It was rude towards you, and rude towards the restaurant. Many places will only hold a table at most 15 minutes, so even if you hadn't actually told him that you wanted to
    via u/Ok-Status-9627
  • 16
    set off at 6.30, logic should have told him that a 20 minute journey, picking up another guest...and accounting for delays with traffic or finding a parking spot...would require that sort of time.
    via u/Ok-Status-9627
  • 17
    I do hope that, when you say the kids were upset, they were upset with their father for not being ready/following you to the restaurant and not with you for not waiting.
    via u/Ok-Status-9627
  • 18
    AcanthaceaeWilling69 OP. 7 days ago Yes, the kids were upset because my husband wasn't ready and because I was stressing. They thought he didn't
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 19
    want to spend any time with us. They have personally been let down by him when it comes to things like him picking them up from a friend's house.
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 20
    Apart-Ad-6518 7 days ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] ΝΤΑ Your birthday dinner was important to you. "My husband (43 M) had decided to do a bit of work on his car about half an hour before we needed to leave." Enough said.
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
  • 21
    Mrs239 7 days ago I would have started getting the kids ready and left without a word. We all know he wasn't going to be ready on time. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Mrs239
  • 22
    Individual_Ad_9213 · 7 days ago Commander in Cheeks [290] NTA. Your tolerating his thoughtlessness and disrespect for others' time has only exacerbated the problem. It is also sending the message to your
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
  • 23
    children that his behaviors are acceptable ways of treating others. It's way past time that you stop, even if it was for your birthday.
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
  • 24
    ConfusedAt63 · 7 days ago Aficionado [15] NTA, Is he late to things he wants to do? If the answer is no, then he is not respecting you and your plans that he agreed to. He got what he deserved. If he
    via u/ConfusedAt63
  • 25
    is late to everything maybe start lying to him about the time to leave by an hour so he will be ready on time and maybe have to wait for you for a change.
    via u/ConfusedAt63
  • 26
    AcanthaceaeWilling69 OP. 7 days ago He is always out the house on time for work and yesterday he went to the pub with some friends and wasn't late for that. He tends to only be late for things including the family.
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69
  • 27
    Castles Caves 7 days ago Oof, that's extremely telling of priorities, I'm so sorry you all have to be shown this disregard. You don't deserve it, and should definitely just start doing things regardless and letting him come or not, up to him.
    via u/Castles_Caves
  • 28
    lemon_charlie . 7 days ago Enthusiast [7] How often is he late because he does things like starting work on the car? Things that aren't quick to do?
    via u/lemon_charlie
  • 29
    AcanthaceaeWilling69 OP • 7 days ago It's normally things like he hasn't gotten changed or found his keys by the time I want to leave. There was a time a few weeks ago where he decided to walk the dog and wasn't home in time.
    via u/AcanthaceaeWilling69

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