‘You’re not even his type’: Woman Tells Her Friend’s Wife How Surprising Their Marriage Is, Resulting in a Fight at Dinner and the End of Their Friendship

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 7, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Welcome queens and goddesses of the online world. This week: marriage, friendship, and respect. It can be shocking and jarring to have a friend that isn't fully there for you, that doesn't respect your decisions or demeans you about them. There's a deep unsettled feeling when you feel disrespected or that you shouldn't be treated a certain way. 

Imagine you're married and you two have a wondrous marriage. But your husband has a friend who's constantly talking ill to you, and frankly saying rude things all the time. What does one do? Do you tell your husband? Do you take on the onus as your own, or do you confront the person? Whatever you decide, you're justified in your decision. No one should tolerate a dynamic that makes them feel disrespected, demeaned, or denigrated. If you're feeling like that in any situation, either cut it loose or talk to the person, but staying in is dangerous for yourself and your health.

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  • 01
    r/AITAH. 7 days ago [deleted] : AITA for telling my husband's friend to mind her own business when she commented on our married life?
    via reddit
  • 02
    So me(30f) and my husband josh(32M) have been married for 6 years now and have a 4yo daughter and 9mo son. My husband has a childhood friend amy(fake name). Amy and I are mostly civil but she often comments on various things, especially if i am doing something. My husband is an introvert person and does not have many close friends so i never really say anything.
    via reddit
  • 03
    We hosted dinner a few days ago and invited amy as well. They were drinking as well, and while drunk amy said how she could not believe josh already have 2 kids when they all r single, even tho josh used to tell them how he never wanted to marry before 30. Things got a bit awkward but she went on to say how i wasn't even his type and still we got married. At this point i was angry but
    via reddit
  • 04
    josh calmed me down saying she is just drunk. After my son started crying so i went to feed him formula. Thing is, due to some complications i wasn't able to produce milk for my son. When amy saw it, she said "if i was a mom i would never feed my baby some formula. Its kinda crazy how u all r
    via reddit
  • 05
    okay with feeding such things to ur baby." I really lost it and told her to shut up and mind her own business, that this was my house, my husband and my baby, and she is no way eligible to talk about someone else's married life when she couldn't even keep a man in her life, and is now living alone with her cats. Upon hearing all
    via reddit
  • 06
    alone with her cats. Upon hearing all that amy started crying and soon left. Everybody left soon after. My husband says it was okay for me to be angry but it was a bit harsh for me to say all that since everyone knew amy was struggling with her mental health. I have got text from few of her friends cursing me and asking me to apologise to her.
    via reddit
  • 07
    I have since blocked them all and tbh i don't want to apologise. It wasn't the first time she said something inappropriate. It was the final straw and i couldn't take it anymore. She is apparently in a bad mental state since she was cheated on by her fiance of many years in the past so i really don't know. I have started to feel bad and guilty and maybe i was over the line.
    via reddit
  • 08
    TLDR- Told husband's friend to mind her own business when she commented on my married life.
    via reddit
  • 09
    (UPDATE) I don't know how to update seperately so i'll just write down here. Holy after i did my chores i have been reading all ur texts. Tbh i didn't expect so many would even see my text and even share their own experiences. All those who had experienced such things, I am really sorry. Being a mother myself i could relate so much to all ur experiences.
    via reddit
  • 10
    To clarify some things, even tho nobody said anything at the moment, the situation did get very awkward for all. Those who were at the party later did apologise for amy's behaviour. People who sent me the nasty texts were all amy's friends and not part of our group so i didn't really feel like telling them anything as i am so exhausted
    via reddit
  • 11
    already and blocking them seemed easier. Well i went to my husband and told him how everything bothered me. I also told him all the other times when amy said something passive agressive. She would usually say those stuff when we were alone so he didn't know about it, and it was actually the first time she acted that way in front of everyone.
    via reddit
  • 12
    My husband was shocked. He told me that i should have spoken sooner and that the reason he didn't say anything was because i am a very chill person overall but amy's mental. health was bad and she would have frequent meltdowns. He just didn't want to stir up drama and create more tension. He did apologise sincerely and then I texted amy apologising for my comments but
    via reddit
  • 13
    told her about how her comment was inappropriate and she needs to apologise as well. Well amy just cursed me and blocked me. To this my husband texted her telling how she is being disrespectful and that he would be in no contact with her as well and he blocked her as well.
    via reddit
  • 14
    Soon my husband got a lot of texts saying how amy was having a meltdown and according to her, "I am manipulating and isolating my husband from his friends over trivial matters." I nearly laughed at her assumptions. My husband is also done with her bs. He told his friends about everything and told them how he was done with her bs. This has
    via reddit
  • 15
    caused the group to split. Apparently there r others who r also done with amy while some still sympathise with her. For now my husband and I r just focussing on our life. I hope amy gets help as she needs so others don't have to suffer from her tantrums. To all saying my husband had an affair, well that is not true
    via reddit
  • 16
    Also i don't think amy liked my husband since she was one of the popular ones who was only interested in popular guys, whereas my husband was far from her type. By the comment of me not being my husband's type, well growing up i was on the chubby side and nerdy so not really conventionally pretty but while dating my husband and I got interested in swimming and other
    via reddit
  • 17
    activities and had a bit of glowup Also she was clearly in love with her fiance (another popular guy from college) but well he turned out to be a scum. Why she didn't like me, well i will never know, nor its my problem anymore. Have a good day people.
    via reddit
  • 18
    Edit- Also I love how my husband stood up for me. So i'll be going to treat him to dinner and some good time. "Josh" i know u r reading this, my mum will look after the babies, be prepared when u come from work
    via reddit
  • 19
    Ash-b13 7d ago NTA, why was nobody telling her to stop and apologise when she was talking you, but when you finally reached your limit, you're the bad guy. Also why tf wasn't your husband the one to put a stop to this the first time she ever said something?
    via u/Ash-b13
  • 20
    Bloubl... 7d ago Edited 7d ago ΝΤΑ And frankly, she seems like she wanted your husband for herself. And... I don't get the ESH comments to be honest. If you go as far as attacking ME, in MY house, about MY marriage and
    via u/Bloubl
  • 21
    house, about MY marriage and MY baby, I will go nuclear. If you can ditch, be prepared to take it.
    via u/Bloubl
  • 22
    7d ago Telling a new mum that she should have breastfed her baby when she has problems with breastfeeding is not exactly conducive to her mental health Sheshcoco either. If Amy gets a pass for treating others like because of her mental health then so should you. NTA
    via u/Sheshcoco
  • 23
    rmnc-5 7d ago NTA There is no way I'd let anybody talk to me like that in my home. They'd be out of the door in a second. She is apparently jealous of something and can't handle alcohol. But that's not your problem. I think your husband should also put her in her place, since she's his friend. She crossed the line.
    via u/rmnc-5
  • 24
    I'll never understand people without children giving unsolicited advices to mothers. Stop that.
    via u/rmnc-5
  • 25
    CrabbiestAsp. 7d ago NTA. It was real nice how everyone stood up for Amy, but no one stood up for you when she was criticising you. right off. Amy can
    via u/CrabbiestAsp
  • 26
    Foreign Fall_8266 7d ago ● Mental health? What about your mental health? she didn't seem to have a problem making jabs at you in a group setting. You had every right to defend yourself, especially when your husband couldn't be a man and defend you. Your husband and Amy both owe you an apology
    via u/Foreign Fall_8266
  • 27
    pam1144 7d ago ● NTA she might be jealous & resentful that you get to be in a happy relationship and she doesn't.
    via u/pam1144
  • 28
    bmyst70 • 7d ago ΝΤΑ This wasn't just Amy having a bad day. From what you say, she regularly says inappropriate, harsh things. This is the first time that you called her out on it. And, then all of her flying monkeys come down on you. AND EVEN
    via u/bmyst70
  • 29
    YOUR HUSBAND SAYS YOU WERE INAPPROPRIATE? Your husband should have your back on this. He's an introvert, but does he have any sense of boundaries? Or is only OK for Amy to be an AH and disrespect you constantly, but for you not to say anything back to her? Mental health
    via u/bmyst70
  • 30
    back to her? Mental health issues are not carte blanche to be a mean AH.
    via u/bmyst70

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