‘Why would you say that?’: Woman Confronts Husband After He Tells Their 11-Year-Old Daughter She Needs to Start Shaving, Leading to a Family Dispute

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 3, 2024 9:00 AM EDT

People should really start minding their own business. Why in the world does a father feel like he needs to comment on whether or not his daughter shaves her body hair? Why does anybody feel the need to tell someone else what they should or should not do about their own body? What difference does it make? If it does not affect your life whatsoever, I hate to break it to you, but it is simply not your business.

All that being said, I haven't even mentioned that the daughter in question, in this Reddit story, is only 11 years old, and she already has to listen to her father tell her that she needs to start shaving. Thank goodness that she had a supporting mother who could stand up and confront the dad and explain to him his wrongdoings. But is the damage already done? I surely hope not…

Scroll down to read the full story, and make sure you also read the mom's update below. After you finish reading, click here for a sweet collection of the most appreciated gestures in a romantic relationship.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    My (37f) husband (38m) told my daughter that she needs to be shaving herself. It's really bothered me, what are the ways forward from this?
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 02
    My husband and I have been married for twelve years, and we have two daughters. The eldest is eleven, and the youngest is eight. He's a great dad, and the girls love him. But recently he said something which I think was extremely hurtful to my eldest daughter.
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 03
    He told her that she needs to shaving herself, and I'm really annoyed at him for saying that to her. If she was insecure about it, I would be completely comfortable with her shaving if
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 04
    she wanted to. She doesn't seem bothered by it, and we live in a cold climate anyway. Although she does take part in several sports. But she doesn't
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 05
    care about it, so I don't see any reason to plant an insecurity in her mind about something that doesn't even matter. I've raised both of my daughters not to be ashamed of
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 06
    themselves, and I feel that having my daughter shave would make her feel that way. She should only start shaving when she wants to, not when someone thinks she should be.
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 07
    It's bothering me that my husband doesn't think that way, as I think that what he is saying could be harmful to her. There's nothing wrong with her, and nothing that she needs to fix. I
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 08
    also don't want her little sister thinking that she needs to shave as well. I'm not sure why he doesn't understand that, as it seems super obvious to me. Maybe it's
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 09
    because he's a man, and doesn't understand what it's like being a girl around that age. It's very difficult, and I don't want her dad to be making it worse when he should be supporting her. It's
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 10
    bothered me so much that he's said this, I couldn't imagine how I would've felt at my daughter's age being told that. I've talked to him about it, but he just doesn't think it's a big deal. I'm
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 11
    not sure why it is to me, but I just don't know what he was thinking saying that to her and I'm not sure how to get over this.
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 12
    jusgre4 6 days ago Express your feelings to your husband about his comment to your daughter. Emphasize the importance of supporting your daughters' autonomy and self- confidence. Discuss how his
    via u/jusgre4
  • 13
    words might affect her self- esteem and find common ground on empowering your daughters to make their own choices about their bodies.
    via u/jusgre4
  • 14
    Update: My (37f) husband (38m) told my daughter that she needs to be shaving herself. It's really bothered me, what are the ways forward from this?
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 15
    I had another discussion with my husband. I told him about how he's placing an unfair expectation on her, and that unwarranted comments like that can affect her self esteem. And that as parents,
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 16
    we should want our daughters to feel confident and feel like they can make decisions about their own bodies, and not have other people forcing those decisions on them. Also that she will start
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 17
    hearing things like that from more and more people the older she gets, and that she shouldn't be hearing it from her parents as well. I think he does understand now and he apologised to both me and my daughter.
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 18
    I did also talk to our daughter, and made sure she knew that it's her choice what she chooses to do to her body, and that it's about what she feels comfortable with. While I've done my best, I'm not sure how much what my husband said has affected her.
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 19
    Although he has apologised to our daughter, I'm not sure how much that has done. But I can't undo what has been done, so I'm trying to help my daughter as best I can. She wants to start shaving now, and I'm not going to stop her from that. I feel a little
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 20
    sad this is because of what he said but it's what she wants, and I don't want to make it worse by not letting her. So although I have resolved it with my husband, it may have lasting effects on our daughter. But I'm not sure if there's anything more I can do to change that.
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 21
    And thank you for all the feedback on the original post, it gave me a lot to think about: Original post
    via u/throwra-24543
  • 22
    • Oh-Cool-Story-Bro 1 day ago . edited 16 hr. ago I think this is the best it could have turned out. Your daughter knows you have her back. Also she has seen what it looks like for adults to have open communication and
    via u/Oh-Cool-Story-Bro
  • 23
    one of them to admit fault and apologize. That's important. She has chosen to shave now. That decision isn't carved in stone. She can always decided to stop. I think you can take a deep breath now and let this storm pass
    via u/Oh-Cool-Story-Bro
  • 24
    Misswinterseren · 6 days ago Let him read what everybody thinks because I think he's just being stubborn. This is absolutely unacceptable to say to to an 11-year-old. Actually, it's unacceptable to say anyone. The audacity.
    via u/Misswinterseren
  • 25
    reeper80 6 days ago OK so I've gone back and forth on replying to this. As a dad to 5 daughters. One. dad's shouldn't say that to their daughter. As a dad it's our job to protect and be the perfect role model.
    via u/reeper80
  • 26
    Two. it's none of his business if or when she decides to do so. I do not want to know any of that about mine. In my house, my wife set the rules on that. Not before 12. After that I can't tell you if they do or don't. Again not my business. So I'm gonna go
    via u/reeper80
  • 27
    ahead and say that's weird. And I'm not trying to start anything at all by this. But that is worrisome in a way. Unless I'm misunderstanding your post any. And if I am misunderstanding this post. Then I am completely sorry.
    via u/reeper80
  • 28
    throwra-24543 OP. 6 days ago I agree, if he really felt that strongly about it, I would've preferred him to talk to me about it and not say it to her.
    via u/throwra-24543

Tags

family drama drama mother reddit story true story parenting update dad love family daughter Reddit mom weird Parenting Fail Father
Scroll Down For The Next Article