Neglectful parents beg 17-year-old son to forgive them because they're good parents to his toddler siblings: 'They show no sign of caring about me more now'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Apr 5, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Having a baby when you're in your late teens or early twenties is a completely different experience than having one when you're in your 30s. A lot of people have a kid when they're really young and wait a long while before having any more kids because they were frankly unprepared for their first kid. The difference between parenting as a clueless kid whose brain hasn't fully developed and a full-tilt adult is incredibly palpable, especially for the older kid. 

One teenager recently sought help from Reddit regarding his parents' attempts to rebuild their relationship with him. He was primarily raised by his grandparents because his young parents were totally uninterested in taking care of him when he was young. Now that they have two toddlers (the teen in question is 17), they expect him to be a part of their big, happy family that never particularly included him in the first place. 

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  • 01
    AITA for telling my parents that being better parents to their younger children does not make up anything to me?
    via Jonathan Borba
  • 02
    AITA for telling my parents that being better parents to their younger children does not make up anything to me?
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 03
    My parents had me when they were still pretty young (both 21). They weren't really secure and didn't have a maternal or paternal instinct back then. Because of this my dad's parents stepped up and they would take care of me when my parents were busy with school or work or anything really. I was basically raised by my grandparents for 13 years and when I was 13 it only stopped because my life got busier at the encouragement of my
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 04
    grandparents. I was in extra curricular's (paid for by my grandparents) and spending more time with friends and exploring the world. My grandparents taught me a lot of skills from cooking and cleaning to how to take care of myself. They did it because they were aware I might not get taken care of if something happened to them and I was left with just my parents.
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 05
    For years my parents resented me. I know it, they know it and my grandparents know it. They showed it in smaller ways. Complaining when I asked for their signature or when my grandparents told them they needed to show up at parent conferences at my school. They would grumble about me being sick and ask my grandparents to "deal with it". Sometimes they would take me to an amusement park and get annoyed when they couldn't go on all the rides together because that meant leaving me alone. Sometimes
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 06
    Then they had more kids who are 3 and 1 now and they are way better parents to them. I'm not saying they're perfect because nobody is. But they are being parents to them. They deal with every tantrum without acting like they hate the baby, they play with. them, read bedtime stories, sing with them, fight over who stays home with a sick kid because both want to be there. They know their 3 year old's favorite foods and music. They want these kids.
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 07
    It only came to my attention recently, because my parents suddenly decided the three of us needed therapy, that they felt them being better parents to their younger children meant I would forgive them and it would make it up to me for not being there for me. Even though they still aren't. They talked about me being distant and not spending time with the family and how they don't know me. I told them of course they don't because they were never around me and when they were, they wished I wasn't t
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 08
    I told them they can't honestly expect that being better parents to their other kids would make it up to me. They mentioned something about siblings and how I speak like they're not and I said because my parents are dad's parents, not them, and the kids I live with have different parents to me and a very different life. I also reiterated that being better to them is good because no kid should go through what I did, but it doesn't make anything up to me.
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 09
    They told me it was spiteful to not take joy in my siblings having better and they accused me of being stubborn and unforgiving. AITA?
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 10
    Comfortable-Sea-2454 • 5h Commander in Cheeks [250] NTA - your egg and sperm donors didn't want you as their child and pawned you off onto grandparents, who thankfully stepped up to the plate. "They told me it was spiteful to not take joy in my siblings having better and they accused me of being stubborn and unforgiving. " How is it spiteful to not take joy in watching your younger sibs actually have their parents engage with them instead of throwing them away??? Reply 4.3k
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 11
    More-Lettuce-8160 OP. 5h My theory is my parents assumed that I would automatically have this really deep love for my siblings and would see them as that; siblings, and that it would bridge the gap between us without them making any effort toward me. I think they set up this idea and when I didn't feel that way, they were like omg how did this happen, he should be happy. ... 2.3k
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 12
    TassieBorn • 5h So they've accused you of being "stubborn and unforgiving": have they also asked for your forgiveness? Acknowledged how they failed you? (Even if they had asked, that wouldn't make them ENTITLED to your forgiveness, but it would be a first baby step.) ... 1.1k 1.1k
    via u/TassieBorn
  • 13
    More-Lettuce-8160 OP 5h • They haven't directly addressed that they failed. But they sort of acknowledged it by saying they felt being good parents to their younger kids would make things up to me. They have not asked me for forgiveness. ... 1.1k
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 14
    Peony-Pony 6h • Certified Proctologist [29] NTA The point of therapy is to be honest. You gave your parents an honest assessment of your childhood, their parenting and how it impacted you and how you feel about it now. They told me it was spiteful to not take joy in my siblings having better and they accused me of being stubborn and unforgiving. You told them some hard truths, they didn't like hearing it. You were not spiteful, stubborn or unforgiving in anything you said. Your parents and young
    via u/Peony-Pony
  • 15
    More-Lettuce-8160 OP • 5h Thank you. I'm still not sure where all this came from because in day to day life they showed no sign of caring about me more now. ✰ 501 ⇓
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 16
    ParsimoniousSalad • 5h His Holiness the [1100] If they face the truth, they might have to feel ashamed of themselves. They want to pretend they care, at least for the therapist. 232
    via u/ParsimoniousSalad
  • 17
    Equivalent-Moose2886 5h Partassipant [4] NTA at all. If your parents want a relationship with you they need to earn one with you, not assume that by giving your siblings everything you never had would somehow make your relationship better. Your parents are the selfish AH's, and it's nothing to do with age. There are many young parents who do a great job of raising and loving their kids. Go to the therapy, not for them, but for you. Work through your feelings of abandonment and resentment and let
    via u/Equivalent-Moose2886
  • 18
    More-Lettuce-8160 OP • 5h I don't think I could work on any of that with them directly involved in the sessions. And all they have on the table is "family" therapy. Having them there makes it more difficult. I would need a therapist of my own which is not going to happen while I still live with them. 192
    via u/More-Lettuce-8160
  • 19
    Abstruse 5h • Enthusiast [9] ΝΤΑ Your parents are seeking absolution. They know they were horrible parents. And they know it even more every time they do something for their other children because it reinforces everything they didn't do for you. They're attempting to put pressure on you to forgive them and admit that they're better parents now and it's all okay now. They feel guilty and don't know how to make it up or make proper amends for their actions, so they're trying to speedrun the proces
    via u/Abstruse

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teenager kid kids teenagers bad parenting reddit story parenting dad grandparents reddit thread Reddit mom Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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