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'She grabbed my face and demanded that I change': Woman Makes Her Girlfriend 'Uncomfortable' by Dressing "Too Straight", Leading to Dramatic Dispute

It's 2024, should we really be telling people how to dress anymore? The answer is no, unless that person is going out in the cold without a jacket, then we can politely suggest that they put on a jacket, or else they might catch a cold! But certainly, we shouldn't be telling our partners how to dress or try to change them. Well, that's exactly what happened in this relationship. Two girlfriends, one more masculine-presenting and the other more femme, get into a dramatic dispute over one of them wanting to wear a black dress to a night out with friends.

We'll leave you to read to the nitty-gritty details, but this is a prime example of a red flag relationship. We cannot change our partners, only accept and love them for who they are. For real change to happen, they have to want it for themselves. You are supposed to be their biggest cheerleader, and they will do the same for you. Scroll down to read the full story below!

Posted by Blakeseidel
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  • 1
    for dressing too "straight" and making my gf uncomfortable?
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  • 2
    I (f21) have been dating my gf (f24) for four months. We've known each other about a year. She's the girl I've ever dated or been with in that manner, and I think that this has caused a lot of issues for her. Since the beginning, she has always commented that my clothes, the way I look, and my hair make me look like a "striaght girl". She's never said this in a rude way, just more of an observing way with some undertones to it. I've always told her that if my style or way I look bothers her, I'm
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  • 3
    But she says it all the time. Every time I wear something "feminine" which is almost everyday. Every time she is close enough to touch my hair, she tells me "long blonde hair is so straight". One time I liked a video of two feminine girls who were married on tik tok (the video was then showing their outfits) and my gf got mad and accused me of wanting her to look like them. For context she leans way more masculine, she has short hair, lots of tattoos and piercings, and even binds her chest somet
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  • 4
    One time, and I'm going to keep this as pg13 as possible... during me if I wanted... p <, she asked ... and I said yes, but apparently I said it "too enthusiastically" and she accused me of ". Because I've dated men in "missing the past. Finally last night, we had a birthday dinner for a friend. I was wearing a black dress, really nothing special about it. But when my gf saw she demanded I change. I asked why. She gave me the usual answer. I told her to leave me alone about that and tried to wal
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  • 5
    Mind you this is literally all of our fiends, and they already know. I told her as long as she held my hand, I think they'd know. She eventually gave up but we spent the whole dinner pretty mad at each other. When we got home, she made me "prove" I liked girls, which just ended up with me in tears- not because I don't like girls, but because I don't like being forced to "prove it". She's still so mad at me, but I just cant fathom that I'm the here? What did I do other than wear what I'm comforta
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    JDKoRnSlut · 10d ago NTA. Just end this relationship. She wants you to change, and she's getting violent about it. 7.2K ✓ ✓ Share 0
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    ElliZSageAdvice • 10d ago . She yanked on your arm? No, she is psycho & now would be a good time to walk/run away. Now. Really.
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  • 8
    Bulky_Specialist9645 10d ago If she doesn't like you how you are, she can leave. You've only been dating 4 months! And incidentally, who made her LGBTQ gatekeeper?
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    Key_Floo Key Floo 10d ago • Hey OP, your gf put her hands on you and is trying to control you and your body. You okay? Is this relationship worth what you're going through?
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    Legitimate-Curve-346 10d ago • What a psycho. You're NTA. She needs to work on her insecurities, and she definitely shouldn't be physically attacking you. If a dude treated you like that he would get crucified on here.
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  • 11
    TheWyrdSmyth • 10d ago Yikes, absolute red flags galore here. - NTA your current girlfriend is clearly insecure, which is something she needs to work on - but her insecurities are not your job to fix, nor are they a valid reason or excuse for controlling and behaviour.
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  • 12
    If we break this down: if a friend told you that their partner was: • physically restraining them; -demanding changes to style and appearance to better suit them, with no regard to your friends style or preferences -making constant negative comments about their appearance
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  • 13
    -controlling their behaviours -making your friend cry during and after moments of intimacy would you encourage your friend to stay and work it out, or would you tell them to run for hills? Be a friend to yourself and get out of this toxic and abusive relationship - you deserve better.
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  • 14
    CrabbiestAsp · 10d ago NTA. Honestly, it's time to leave this relationship. You are not her barbie doll and she is beginning to get physical with you. Her hang up on your dressing 'like a straight girl' is ridiculous.
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  • 15
    ZZartin 10d ago NTA she's being a expecting you to walk around looking like a lesbian stereotype.
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    Draager 10d ago • I am so glad that women are also finding out how controlling and abusive. women can be. Understand this is what husbands and boyfriends are dealing with too, that women are just as likely to be abusive and controlling as men.
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  • 17
    By not making yourself look ugly and unattractive, you're putting yourself on display as a potential love interest, which drives your partner into a deep shame spiral of self hate and low self esteem. Triggers her abandonment wounds. You're supposed to uglify yourself so there is no mistake she owns you. So trashy.
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    Pristine-Mastodon-37 · 10d ago This is super unhealthy - there is not "straight" look or "gay" look - who you sleep with doesn't dictate your hair or clothes. She clearly has some self esteem issues but instead of asking for help building herself up she's trying to knock you down and tell you not to be who you are. A healthy relationship should celebrate and encourage you to be yourself. Stop apologizing to her and start telling her that this isn't ok (and I hope that sentence ends with "so I am
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  • 19
    Zinthr 10d ago • NTA at all OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. :( You have done nothing wrong. It seems like your girlfriend has a lot of insecurities and is taking them out on you in a very destructive way.
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    johnedn 10d ago Edited 10d ago " comment is I think the "missing biphobic. She is allowed to prefer less feminine/more "butch" woman, she is not allowed to shame her girlfriend for being feminine if you want to be feminine. I would leave so fast if my partner was making these types of comments
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    • Simple_Inflation_449 10d ago I'm a bisexual women and I dress feminine. It's unfortunate but I've only been with one women because when women see me they always think I'm straight. After awhile I gave up on trying to be with women because they either didn't believe I liked women or I was "too straight" for them. It's unfortunate that just because women dress feminine it means that we don't get the same treatment or looked at the same way as other bisexuals or lesbians. I completely understand.
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    StatisticianNaive277 10d ago NTA. You dress how you want. You have nothing to prove. Have long hair. Have short hair. Have however you want to. Love who you want. Date who you want. Your gf sounds insecure and controlling. I would consider that a BIG red flag. I would leave. Not all women will be psycho with you like that.
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  • 23
    Thisisthenextone • 10d ago So an older girl picked a younger girl that has no experience and constantly trashes on her. I know it's only a few years, but when you were starting college she was leaving college. I don't care what people say, there's a huge difference between those two ages. She knew you would be easy to manipulate. That's not bad on you. That's part of growing up. It's bad on her.
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    JanetInSpain 10d ago. . NTA you two just might be incompatible. I have had many lesbian friends. Some were "butch" and dressed in suits, wingtip shoes, kept their hair buzz-cut short, and even wore boxer shorts. Others were "fem" and wore enough frilly, lacy stuff to make a Disney princess blush. There's nothing wrong with either of those style preferences, or anything in between. It's just that.. preferences. If your GF cannot accept that you lean to the "fem" side with your preference then you
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