‘I am not your backup’: Girl Breaks up With Boyfriend After He Goes on a Date With Ex-girlfriend Claiming He Needs to Get Closure

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 8, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

Do you believe that the need for closure is an actual thing? If so, how does one seek closure with another person? Do they have to meet with the person they want to have closure with, or does it happen naturally when there is enough distance between the two? 

I never needed closure with another person, but I understand the incentive. It is not easy to go from being really close to someone to being complete strangers again, and I understand that even though you might not want to be with them anymore, you can still miss them to a certain level. I just think that 'getting closure' must have some boundaries, and it can't happen however you want it to be, otherwise you are risking getting the exact opposite of closure by reopening that wound all over again.

All this might not make complete sense, but after you read this Reddit entry, I think you will get where I am going with this. Is closure really worth risking the relationship you have in the present? I guess it was for the guy in this story.

Scroll down to read the full story. After that, click here for another story of a girl who broke up with her boyfriend because of a prank gone wrong.

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  • 01
    My partner (32M) told me he needed to see the "girl who got away" to close that door. Is there anyway I (26F) can move past this? Am I stupid to even try?
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 02
    I've been seeing this guy for about 9 months. I have really enjoyed dating him and everything was going pretty smooth until now. He is a medical student so very busy schedule but we've been
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 03
    making it work. His breaks from class are when we get to spend most of our time together and he's currently on spring break. Well he comes to town to see me and tells me that we need to
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 04
    talk and that there was a girl he briefly dated 8 years ago. They didn't end on the best of terms, which he said always bothered him for some reason. He then tells me that he was out of town and met her to briefly talk and
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 05
    she tried to come onto him but he denied it due to our relationship. I could have probably moved past this and talked through it. But then he tells me instead of seeing me that night, he needs to go see
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 06
    her to get drinks. He says he knows they're not meant to be together but he hasn't been able to fully shut that door and that seeing her will finally help close that chapter for him.
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 07
    I blew up when he told me. I ended things immediately and stormed off. I did come back after an hour so we could further discuss. Which we did for quite a few hours. I told him how uncomfortable I am with
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 08
    him pretty much going on a date with a girl and that it's unfair for him to expect me to wait around to be a second option. He says I'm not a second option nor does he expect me to wait, this is a him thing and
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 09
    he needs to do it for him. Now I could maybe try to move past all of this until he admitted to me yesterday that she stayed over. He is insistent there was nothing physical between them but it's copy either way.
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 10
    I do want to briefly add that I was in a 9 year relationship before this that ended in my partner cheating on me and leaving me for the other girl.
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 11
    Which he does know because we have discussed our last relationships extensively. So this just is I guess opening those wounds again.
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 12
    I'm stuck in a pickle here. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way. I honestly feel really stupid even considering trying to work things out. But I guess my mind and heart just aren't aligning right this second. And
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 13
    cutting ties at 9 months wouldn't be that big of a deal but good ol feelings get in the way. Update: Although I did end things the other day, I just texted him to reiterate that we
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 14
    are done and wished him luck. I know I deserve better than someone who is unsure of me. A second update that is somewhat funny: he let her stay the night because they were both so drunk and he the bed. in
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 15
    2workigo 1 day ago • That's a no dawg from me. He spent the night with her. Someone he needs to "close the door" on? Nah. Nope. You've been down this road before, why would you even consider it again? Your self esteem and pride are worth much more than this.
    via u/2workigo
  • 16
    BlazingSunflowerland ⚫ 23 hr. ago Funny how closing the door actually means getting involved with her. Closing the door would be no contact.
    via u/BlazingSunflowerland
  • 17
    OP, there is nothing for you here but heartache. He wants to backburner you while trying a relationship with this other woman.
    via u/BlazingSunflowerland
  • 18
    PatentlyRidiculous · 1 day ago He absolutely told you that you are his backup. Kick him to the curb and don't look back
    via u/PatentlyRidiculous
  • 19
    Puzzleheaded-Gas1710. 23 hr. ago When he comes around in 5 to 10 years because he is bored and wants closure, tell him to again.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Gas1710
  • 20
    RoboSpammm . 1 day ago He's not the one, sis. He has massive red flags. You did the right thing by breaking up.
    via u/RoboSpammm
  • 21
    sanguinare12 1 day ago Closing the door on someone can be done whether they're standing on the other side of it, a mile down the road or across the country, it doesn't require them to be right there. Does he need to effectively slam it
    via u/sanguinare12
  • 22
    right in her face? Why does this need to be done over drinks? If she already spent the night, why does he need another round with her to finalize things? If he wanted to close the door he could
    via u/sanguinare12
  • 23
    have done so at any point. It seems an absurd premise, needing to keep seeing someone to let them go.
    via u/sanguinare12
  • 24
    booksr_coool OP. 1 day ago I absolutely agree. It could have been a simple phone call. But the spending the night happened the day I dumped him/them getting drinks. Doesn't make it any better honestly.
    via u/b**bsr_coool
  • 25
    Ornery_Ad_2019 · 23 hr. ago A 32 year old man needs to have drinks in a bar to get "closure" with a woman he dated briefly eight years ago? That's some high level right there. Tell him to go get his closure and to lose your number. What a muppet.
    via u/Ornery_Ad_2019

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boyfriend relationship advice drama ex girlfriend relationship-drama reddit story relationships girlfriend advice couples love breakup closure Reddit dating
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