Husband spends $160k on baseball cards behind wife's back, lawyers up when she asks for $80k back: 'The cards are everywhere'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 13, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Financial infidelity is one of those common things that we've only just started learning how to talk about. When you have a joint account, you need to have a lot of discussions about how that account gets used, and just what you're spending money on. Even if the relationship has a foundation of trust in other areas, money can be different. Everyone has a different relationship to it, and not everyone agrees on how it should be spent. But even if you do have all the necessary conversations, it won't stop duplicitous people from going behind your back and spending money in ways you don't approve of. 

That's exactly what happened in this recent story from Reddit where a husband went behind his wife's back in a pretty major way. The comment section then became a hotbed for discourse and advice for this woman who had been hugely blindsided by someone she thought she could trust. 

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  • 01
    18 "Claw back your money in the divorce" 19
    via Mick Haupt
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Disastrous-Power-101 22h AITA for trying to take back $80k of the $160,000 my spouse spent behind my back?
    via u/Disastrous-Power-101
  • 03
    My husband spent $160,000 "investing" in baseball cards without telling me. During this same time he would get mad at me for spending money on meal plans or salon services. I would get yelled at for my disrespectful spending and my financial goals not aligning with his, so he'd say. He did most of this spending on his personal credit card that he paid for with our joint account. For a long time I didn't have access to our online banking so I didn't see the amounts he was paying in his credit car
    via u/Disastrous-Power-101
  • 04
    One day, driving to lunch, he mentioned how my friends owed him for the concert tickets I had used his card to buy. I agreed to get the money from them. In mentioning the card though, I remembered just seeing another $4,000 payment come out of our joint. This was after 2 months ago when he promised he had a $2,000 balance and was going to pay it off and stop using it. So I asked, "I thought it was going to be paid off a couple months ago?" That was all it took. He launched in to me about how I r
    via u/Disastrous-Power-101
  • 05
    After lots of back and forth and digging and finally getting him to give me access to his credit card statements, I added up $160,000 in 3 years that he spent. I already realize the financial abuse that has taken place on many levels, and there is so much I'm not including. During all of this my husband met with a divorce lawyer, then begged ME for another chance. That was about a year ago. We are still together but as you can imagine the financial issues are only one of many issues we have. At
    via u/Disastrous-Power-101
  • 06
    Horror-Friendship-30 • 21h Partassipant [1] INFO: Have you actually seen this baseball card collection? I mean, it sounds like he was spending it on other things. In addition, I would insist on the receipts, not just the credit card. I would Google the business on the cc, as it sounds like he was spending it elsewhere. Aside from that, dump him, claw back your money in the divorce, and live a better life. I all but guarantee that his divorce consultant told him that you wouldn't pay him alimony
    via u/Horror-Friendship-30
  • 07
    Disastrous-Power-101 OP. 21h Yes, the cards are everywhere. Organized in sleeves and boxes, he has many of them PSA graded. I checked all the companies on the statements I was unsure of. Most were grading companies or sellers.
    via u/Disastrous-Power-101
  • 08
    OstrichWide • 21h Get half of the value for those also, peace and blessings smdh.
    via u/OstrichWide
  • 09
    SoggyCroissant87 • 21h See if you could force him to sell the cards as part of the divorce settlement
    via u/SoggyCroissant87
  • 10
    mdthomas 22h . Sultan of Sphincter [646] Open a new account have any money you make deposited there instead of the joint account. Get a lawyer ASAP. File for divorce. He is continuing the financial abuse. NTA
    via u/mdthomas
  • 11
    Careless-Run-3815 • 21h Open YOUR new account at a different bank!
    via u/Careless-Run-3815
  • 12
    GK_Emphasis110 • 22h Just so you know, OnlyFans is not a baseball card company.
    via u/GK_Emphasis110
  • 13
    Disastrous-Power-101 OP. 21h It's not?! Next you'll tell me Angel Youngs isn't even a player? But really, yes, I know this. I know I probably sound foolish, but I trusted him.
    via u/Disastrous-Power-101
  • 14
    Fuzzy-Zebra-277 • 22h . I wonder what the lawyer said to him ....
    via u/Fuzzy-Zebra-277
  • 15
    thenexttimebandit • 21h Partassipant [1] Lawyer said he's gonna lose his house and half "his" stuff plus alimony. It's cheaper for him to keep financially abusing his wife.
    via u/thenexttimebandit
  • 16
    lamlrene 22h • Commander in Cheeks [268] I think you know that obviously you are NTA here. ... Reply 754 Disastrous-Power-101 OP. 22h You'd be surprised how convincing some people can be. They are so certain they are right, they'll have you believing them and questioning yourself before you know what hit you.
    via u/lamlrene & u/Disastrous-Power-101
  • 17
    Rohini_rambles • 22h Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] This read like aan OP desperately hoping some strangers will tell them it's okay to go get a divorce. Break the silence OP, talk to your family and friends, reach out to people. He was happy to use your money for what he wanted and abuse you for your small purchases. Get out and be free. Make sure there aren't other debts in your name. Talk to a lawyer. Lock down your money. Write up a will.
    via u/Rohini_rambles
  • 18
    ThisGardenGrows • 21h He saw a divorce attorney and after that begged you to stay together? Sounds like the attorney told him that he would be financially accountable if a divorce happened. So, get your own appointment with a divorce lawyer. Tell them everything and bring evidence. I suspect you will get your money back during the divorce. And, probably alimony. Which is the real reason your hubby wants to stay together. To avoid being held accountable.
    via u/ThisGardenGrows

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relationship advice spending marriage saving money finance relationship-drama financial infidelity relationships finances take my money dollars divorce marriage advice money toxic relationship financial abuse
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