Parents refuse to attend daughter's wedding after she legally changed her first name from Pennsylvania: 'I was teased as a child because of my parent's insistence on using my full name'

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    r/AmltheAsshole • 1 day ago Educational_Team_377 AITA for keeping my name change a secret for five years?
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    So, my (26F) parents decided to name my sister and I after American states. I have permission to share her name (Arizona) and I was called Pennsylvania at birth. Yea, my parents are weird. I guess
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    they thought geographical names were cool but I think there's a huge difference between calling your child Arizona or Dakota or Paris Vs Pennsylvania. They're massive republicans and America lovers so maybe they wanted to be patriotic.
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    For as long as I can remember, everyone has called me Penn or Penny. My parents insisted that everyone was to call me by my full name but most people could see how ridiculous my parents are.
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    My sister (28F) didn't struggle as much with her name since Arizona just sounds better than Pennsylvania, and the Greys anatomy character Arizona Robbins made the name seem quite cool as we got older. I was
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    mocked and teased as a child in elementary school because of my parents insistence on my full name. They would literally berate my teachers for letting me write 'Penny' on my work/books.
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    When I was 21, I got my name legally changed to Penelope. Most people I had met in college had assumed that I went by Penny as a nickname for Penelope, even my boyfriend's mother called me Penelope because I was too
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    embarrassed to tell her that Penny was short for Pennsylvania. I kept it a secret from my parents and close family because I knew my parents would go mental and accuse me of disrespecting their choice.
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    I'm getting married this summer to my lovely boyfriend Tom (31M) and as you all know, you have to say your full name in your wedding ceremony when doing your vows. I knew I had to fess up
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    about the name change because the alternative would be hoping they kept quiet when they heard me say 'l, Penelope' instead of 'l, Pennsylvania'. I invited them over to my home and I tried to tell them in a really
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    calm way that I had changed my name but they freaked out. They said that I was disrespectful, I was calling their choice dumb etc. They are refusing to attend the wedding now.
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    I know i'm not the AH for changing my name, but my parents are particularly about how I kept it hidden for five years before telling them. Most people I know agree with them. They think that I should've had the
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    courage to be honest with them years ago so they would've had time to get used to it instead of me dropping the news on them two months before my wedding and causing all this drama. A few other family members have
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    dropped out and my poor sister (who is maid of honor) is having a nightmare with this. My parents believe they had the right to know much earlier. Tldr, parents think I am the AH for keeping this a secret. AITA?
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    Edit: I know I could ask the officiant/priest to say Penny instead of Penelope but I don't want to hide my real name on my wedding day.
  • 16
    SkyComplex2625 • 1d ago Aficionado [14] NTA - how come none of your relatives are appalled that your parents care more about a dumb name then their actual child?
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    Diligent-Comfort-191 Enthusiast [8] . 1d ago NTA. You can change your name if you want and the name your parents lumbered you with at birth was an excellent reason to do so. From what you've written I suspect your parents would've blown up whatever and the 5 years is just a pretence to hang their anger on. 2 months is enough to get used to the idea too. As for boycotting the wedding because of it: they need to get over themselves. That is a big over-reaction to my mind. It sounds like your paren
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    • snarksallday 1d ago - NTA If your parents spent 13 years of your school life trying to force everyone to call you "Pennsylvania," I suspect they would have spent the past 5 making you miserable for changing your name. Hence, your silence.
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    Trick Delivery4609 • 1d ago Aficionado [10] NTA "Dear Colorado and Mississippi, I mean mom/dad. No matter when I told you of my name change, you would have blown up. I tried to explain my feelings multiple times over the years and you never cared about MY feelings. about MY name. If you need someone to stick with a name no matter what, get a dog. Until you can sincerely apologize to me for this and everything else you have blown out of proportion through the years, you are uninvited to my weddin
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    • Outrageous_Shoe_1450 1d ago Partassipant [1] NTA. Your parents are for naming you Pennsylvania in the first place. They are even bigger AH'S for refusing to attend your wedding as are anyone else who takes their side.

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